Trying To Cope after the Loss of My baby Girl Emily - Pregnancy, Birth & Baby Forums ~ BellyBelly

mummyradel · #1 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 06:59 PM

This time last week I gave birth to my Baby Girl Emily she was 19 weeks and 3 day.

I found out the day before at a routine Dr's appointment that she had died at least a week before which I think I new that something was wrong but didn't want to acknowledge the fact. When I got to the appointment my Dr said that they had found some blemishes on the ultrasound I wasn't that worried because my previous pregnancy had been the same and I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy so I was not that worried. It wasn't until the Dr could not find my babies heart beat that my hole world just collapse, after having three previous pregnancy without a problem I was shocked, confused and wondering if I had cause this to happen.

The experience of having to deliver a baby which you know will never make a sound is one I hope never to go through again, Sorry if this is all over the place but I really have know idea yet how to put my feelings into words but this is the only way I seem to be able to express my feelings at the moment. HOW DO YOU GO ON IS ALL I WANT TO KNOW ?????

Snacks · #2 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 07:14 PM

Welcome to BB. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Emily.
I don't know what it is like to lose a baby, but there are women on here who do know, who have been there and who have lived on even though a part of them passed on with their tiny one. I hope that sharing with these women helps. My thoughts are with you.

~mummyof4~ · #3 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 07:46 PM

Hi
I am in the same boat as you right now so i dont have all the answers.. i found out 2 weeks ago at my 18 week scan that my little girl was gone. I too thought nothing bad could happen as i had 3 healthy pregnancies..
so far all i figured out is cry when you want to, talk when you need to and dont worry about what anyone else says/ feels
I hope some one who knows a bit more comes along really soon..
Hugs hun

mummyradel · #4 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 09:07 PM

Im so sorry for your loss I to wish I had some answers for you it is just a horrible thing to have to go through and wish that no body ever had to experience it,.

The question just keep going around and around in my head ...... things that I ate ...did I pick up the kids the wrong way.... did i do to much..should i have sat down more it is just never ending. I'm also curious whether the Tami Flu medication I took could have been the problem all these question but they keep telling me it wasn't my fault but that still does not stop the question in my head.

Mum to
Annabelle 5
Riley 3
Ethan 2
Angel Emily 07/10/09

~mummyof4~ · #5 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 09:13 PM

i know waht you mean about the questions going through your head.. I know in my hed that nothing i did caused this to happen but deep down in my heart it feels like it is my fault, and i have been through every single little thing. I even got to the point i was convinced it had happened because i got sunburnt. my thoughts are just not logical at the moment.
we opted to have the post mortem on our little girl because i cant stand the thought of not knowing for the rest of my life. but i have now been told that chances are they will not have any answers. i think the not knowing seems to be that worst bit right now.

mummyradel · #6 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 09:48 PM

Yeah we to are having an autopsy done all though I'm sure I will still feel that I could have stopped it from happening,

I'm wondering how hard it was for you to get them to agree to an autopsy because for us it was like they didn't think that it was necessary or worth there time because she was 19 weeks and 3 days and not the 20 weeks when they are by there rules a real person. I was first told that after I delivered my baby that she would be put into the furnace which I couldn't even comprehend as to me my baby girl was a real being and I had felt her kick and she was real damn it and how dare they just simply tell me she was nothing.

If it wasn't for a very very special Nurse in this hospital I'm not sure I would be getting the chance to say goodbye to my beautiful baby girl when she comes back to me in a couple of weeks. She helped me deliver and promised me that she would keep Emily with her until she left for Brisbane and always referred to Emily as Emily just the way it should be.

I really do wonder why some people become nurses/doctors and have not heart what so ever there are a very few midwifes that i have met that are genuine caring people.

So sorry for ranting just really wanted to get it out

didispunk · #7 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 09:51 PM

I am so so lost for words.. but makes me so sad.

You take one day at a time.. I belive that is all you can do at this time.

~mummyof4~ · #8 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 10:22 PM

OMG i cant believe that they treated you like that.
I never asked for any testing to be done on Kyarna, i was offered it, actually everyone i spoke to kinda said the i should have it done. After the Post mortem was done, Kyarna was cremated and her ashes were sent back to me local hospital along with the hand/ foot prints and photos that they had taken before the tests were done.
I am really sorry that you were treated like that at such a vonerable time.
I cant say if you will blame your self once the results are back or not because we have not reached that stage yet.. we still have 6 weeks to wait for our resluts.
I really hope that they are able to tell youw aht happened so you can stop blaming yourself ( i know i am a hypocrit lol) Just take it easy and remember that you need to do what ever you feel is right for you and your little family... no one else matters!!

~mummyof4~ · #9 (**permalink**) October 14th, 2009, 10:26 PM

im not sure if you want to chat or anything but do you have MSN or something like that.. i would love to talk to some one who is in the same situation as me.. im finding it very hard to explain/ justify my feelings to people who really dont get it..

mummyradel · #10 (**permalink**) October 15th, 2009, 10:01 PM

Hi yes I've got msn my contact is mummyradel@hotmail.com I would love to chat it really is good to talk to someone who is basically at the same stage as me just talking to you last night was great I felt a little normal again for just a minute thank you and hope to chat soon

mummyradel · #11 (**permalink**) October 15th, 2009, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~mummyof4~

im not sure if you want to chat or anything but do you have MSN or something like that.. i would love to talk to some one who is in the same situation as me.. im finding it very hard to explain/ justify my feelings to people who really dont get it..

Better yet are you on Facebook My name is Amanda Radel if you would like to keep in contact that way which is easier for me at the moment this computer I'm using til mine is fixed is really slow and Im having trouble with MSN and all other chat facilities

~mummyof4~ · #12 (**permalink**) October 15th, 2009, 10:32 PM

i had added you on MSN and facebook!

greedy fly · #13 (**permalink**) October 21st, 2009, 03:57 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Peace.
xx

little_annie · #14 (**permalink**) October 21st, 2009, 04:27 PM

i am so so sorry for you loss. i know how you feel. its the hardest thing to try get your head around and hurts so bad. i blamed my self for so long after i lost my babies. all i can say it that is dose get easier as time goes bye, it seems like your the only one and no one else could eva know how you feel, but in time it dose get easier and the pain will ease, but you will have emily in your heart for ever. she will never ever be gone from your heart. it always helped me to talk about it with others, and cry. please dont blame yourself it will do your head in. just take it day by day. have you thought of having your own little service, say some words with family and friends, and maybe plant a rose bush or something in your garden, it will always be there as a small reminder of your sweet little emily.
R.I.P baby EMILY gone but not forgotten

Myboys · #15 (**permalink**) October 21st, 2009, 04:29 PM

I am also so very sorry for your loss xoxoxo

~Sally~ · #16 (**permalink**) October 21st, 2009, 06:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss

Sally
Mummy to 2 premmies and 3 angels

Liviam · #17 (**permalink**) October 21st, 2009, 08:31 PM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious little angel, Emily.

Berry1 · #18 (**permalink**) October 24th, 2009, 11:06 PM

Hi Mummyradel, I am so very sorry for you loss, it is such an incredibly painful thing to go through. I lost my daughter at 19-weeks almost one year ago now. The first few months are incredibly hard, but as time goes on I can say is that it does get easier. I still have my moments though, but it is easier and you'll get there too. I can't believe how you were treated at the hospital, but am very glad that you had a fantastic nurse to look after you. I agree that getting the autopsy done is a good decision, I found for me that it gave me closure. My daughter had a serious chromosome abnormality. Did they tell you how long it would take to get the results? I'm in NSW & there is only one hospital in the state that can do autopsy's on such small babies, so it took just over 6-months to get the results. I just wanted to warn you in case you weren't told how long it would take. I got a preliminary report about 4-6 weeks after and then the full one. Please don't think that there is anything you could have done to stop this from happening, it is one of those very tragic things in life that you had no control over & your little girl definitely knows you love her. Take care of yourself. I will say a prayer for you tonight