Terrified but hopeful

[totalfrog]

So we have decided to start trying for another baby. The only problem is that the hospital has told us that there will be no tests available to us to tell us if what happened to Ruby will happen again. They think she had a genetic condition called Spinal Muscular Atrophy but the tests for it came back negative. Now they are saying they still think she had it but that it was caused by a different gene that they can't find. So they gave us a 25% chance of it happening again even though they aren't really sure what happened to her.

I just keep thinking that it couldn't possibly happen again and we really want to have more kids. I am just worried that certain people (like my mother in law) will make any future pregnancies a nightmare by constantly focusing on the 25%. How do I deal with that?

[Mama2two]

I don't really have any advice for you, but just couldn't leave without giving you some big Stay positive and strong!

[csab]

Hi hun, So sorry for your loss. As for your MIL or anyone else that is going to focus on the 25%, just say I have 75% of everything being ok. Alot better odds than the 25% you keep drumming into my head. So hun, just remind everyone 75%. If they keep going on and on about it, see them less often as once you are UTD again you dont need any more stress than what you will have with your own worries needalone having others make you feel even more anxious worried and nervous.
Tale care hunni, and all the best for your next pgcy. hugs

[The_Source]

Hi there!

I am not in a position that I can know your circumstances well enough to offer advice but rather my thoughts on what I might do in your situation as I cannot fathom the emotional impact of the 75%/25% that you have been given.

The only thing that even comes to my mind is to choose, so far as is possible, who you spend your time with. Most people hold the sum attitude of the six people they spend the most time with, so based on this principle I would try to surround myself with people who are both positive and pro-active but also have one or two people I could express my needs to if something was to go wrong with a view to have them act as the people to make it happen just in case.

My Nanna is has recently started receiving Carer's Payment for my grandfather who is really not so well anymore. She looks so exhausted not from looking after him but from his attitude. He is really in his last months so far as we can tell and he is unmotivated and negative about anything and everything. He refuses to get dressed and shaved most days now because he feels there is nothing to live for. The emotional toll to my Nanna is huge and I would be strongly urging you to choose your company wisely and restricting time with negative people, including family.

As to how that might translate to your life I am not sure. It was hard enough for us to explain secondary infertility to the family that we didn't include them in our ongoing attempts for more children nor will we in the future. Similarly, my mother is a dooms-dayer in the last month of pregnancy and I am always overdue so we have told her that our current DC is certain to arrive by a date a month after the actual EDC. The date was altered in the name of self-preservation and maybe that would be a second and final thought. I would do whatever it take to sustain me as a positive, healthy mum to be and I hope that your decisions lead you on that same path.

[totalfrog]

Thankyou so much - I feel a bit better about it now. My plan was to only spend time with the people who would be positive about our situation and now I feel a little less conflicted about it.

[csab]

Im glad you are feeling better about things now. Hugs

[The_Source]

I am glad that you are feeling better about it - I wish you all the best for your future plans.