| Support/Debrief after Stillbirth/Lateloss & Death of a Child We are sorry that anyone has to come in here but sadly there are many people mourning the loss of a loved baby/child. Our aim is to provide a safe place for women and men who have endured stillbirth/Late Loss or the Death of a Child to come and share their feelings, and feel supported in a safe & loving community. |
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September 24th, 2009, 04:55 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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That sounds fair enough for the pressure anyway.
I don't want to feel the pressure of having to plan something for my baby girl.
But my candle circle on the beach at night sounds nice.
I'm just wanting a lot of candles anyway and I don't know.
Might make a memory box thing for myself when I can't sleep late at night ya'h know.
I hate the pain and I wish it would go away.
Grr
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
September 24th, 2009, 08:59 PM
|  | Each day brings a new begining | | Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Melbourne, VIC
Posts: 810
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Bree-Anna, I've very sorry for your loss, especially as it doesn't sound like you have much support arounds you. Big hugs hun. When I lost Joshua, I had a candle lit all the time, every day for months. I thought if it isn't lit, I wasn't thinking of him and I felt guilty. Eventually, I only lit one a day and then one a week and now I light one when I feel the need. I have a beautiful teaddy bear blue box full of Joshua's things, photo album, his birth book from the hospital, little teddies, christmas tree decorations, his birth certificate etc, and every now and then I pull it out and look through everything remembering my little angel.
rbradford08 & tillygrace, I'm so sorry for your losses also, sending you big hugs 
Beata xxx
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September 24th, 2009, 09:19 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 126
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Bree-ana-I think the memory box is a great idea ,i have one,also have just ordered a 'reconition of life certificate' since we didn't get a official birth certificate as the loss was before 20 weeks.
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Me-39 DH-53 DD1--17,DD2--11,DS--4,DS2--Left my tummy at 14 weeks,never to leave my heart.[25-11-2008]
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September 25th, 2009, 03:36 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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Yeah, I light a candle when I also feel the need but sometimes I'm afraid to starting thinking about her.
I write in a journal of how I'm feeling as well but I find when I do that I start to break down and then I feel like I can't handle it.
I can then feel the pain, every time I let loose and then it just like encourages me to bottle it up again.
I prefer to do a memory box.
I think it will suite me well with the locked away sort of thing happening.
I'm more tempted to just go out and buy the thing I would have gotten for her when she was born and whatnot and just create a little memory box I can keep by my bed like I have now but a better one so to speak.
Either way, I don't want the pain anymore but I know it will always be with me and that's what scares me the most sometimes.
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
September 25th, 2009, 03:56 PM
|  | Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, but Today is a gift that is why its called the Present | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: South Gippsland
Posts: 2,236
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Bree-Ana,
What I have done for my little Nikita was to buy a charm bracelet. I keep it in her Urn and every year for her birthday I plan on buying a charm. It has an ID plate on it so I had her name on one side and on the underside I did her birth date and angel date (she was 8 days old when she died).
I don't wear the bracelet, it is not on display, its just a little something to commemorate her birth and is something just from mother to daughter.
Nae x
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September 25th, 2009, 04:01 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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That is a precious idea Nae.
Really it is.
I'm planning what I want to do off all these ideas I'm getting.
Thank you all so much.
Its so hard to plan something for her when I want it to be just.. Perfect.
But thank you all!
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
October 14th, 2009, 04:33 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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Well guys, tomorrow is the day I was hoping would never come.
October 15th.
The day my daughter would have been to me safely in my arms.
Tomorrow's going to be even harder with having to see the baby's father at school as well.
*sigh* it just isn't fair.
How do I cope well?!
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
October 14th, 2009, 08:59 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 126
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Hi breeana,you'll cope as best as you can,that's all any of us grieving &missing our babies can do ,they're so wonderful to think about but so hard not to have them in our arms,thinking of you & your precious little one.I find comfort in the fact that i believe death ends a life not a relationship.hugs.
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Me-39 DH-53 DD1--17,DD2--11,DS--4,DS2--Left my tummy at 14 weeks,never to leave my heart.[25-11-2008]
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October 15th, 2009, 08:53 AM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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Thank you.
I know I've had a few friends come up to me and give me some hugs.
Which is nice but it also just makes me want to break down and cry.
Its hard knowing that the father is right in front of me and everything, knowing that my daughter would have had his eyes, it makes me want to look at him and at his eyes. Even though I know it will make me cry.
I think he knows what today is but I don't think he wants to acknowledge it all that much really cause I know he was afraid during the time I was pregnant.
But yeah, its hard.
I empathize with all women that have lost a daughter or a son.
I hate the pain and the memories and also the "what ifs" thoughts.
Those are what gets me the most sometimes aye.
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
October 16th, 2009, 10:41 AM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 126
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HI Breeana,sometimes i think we need to cry,I have' what if' thoughts as well,i've been told that is vey common after a loss,Ithink we just wish so much that things could be different,hope your feeling a bit better today.
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Me-39 DH-53 DD1--17,DD2--11,DS--4,DS2--Left my tummy at 14 weeks,never to leave my heart.[25-11-2008]
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October 16th, 2009, 03:14 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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Yeah that's pretty much how I feel really.
Like yesterday and today that's all I could really think about.
Its even harder when I want the father to say something to me but he never did.
I still haven't really cried since the day I found out and I went to tell the baby's grandfather.
But i can still feel my heart being broken.
By the way, if its easier talking, email me.
yankees_fan15@hotmail.com
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] |
October 18th, 2009, 10:01 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 126
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Breeana,i've found my dh deals with our loss differently to me,he doesn't say much to me about Matthew,i don't think he knows what to say,might be the same with Eleana's dad .Did you end up deciding on the memorial ideas ,we have the 1st anniversary coming up and my 4 year old told me'Matthew needs balloons on his birthday',so it looks like we'll be doing a balloon release on the day.
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Me-39 DH-53 DD1--17,DD2--11,DS--4,DS2--Left my tummy at 14 weeks,never to leave my heart.[25-11-2008]
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October 18th, 2009, 10:05 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 126
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I'm sorry i've spelt your little girl's name with an extra 'a',not sure how to change it(i'm not very computer literate)sorry...
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Me-39 DH-53 DD1--17,DD2--11,DS--4,DS2--Left my tummy at 14 weeks,never to leave my heart.[25-11-2008]
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October 19th, 2009, 05:05 PM
| | BellyBelly Member | | Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Rotorua, New Zealand
Posts: 23
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No, I didn't end up doing anything that I wanted to because of the crappy weather that day but I did light candles and everything for her and I think so did a few friends on behalf of me but I'm not too sure if they did or not.
But Elena's dad hasn't actually talked to me for a while because of the drama that happened when I was pregnant. But yeah. Its hard seeing him though, we catch each others eyes and it does just stink and won't stop really.
I don't want the hurt anymore really.
And its okay if you spelled it wrong, some people have trouble saying it the right way cause its a Spanish name =)
*Bree-Ana*
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[COLOR="Plum[SIZE="2"]"]<**R.I.P Elena Jane Nelsen-Hooker**>[/COLOR][/SIZE] | | |
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