Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 2008

[STARRYSKY]

hi guys, sorry but this is a me post, vent,rant whatever.
I cant stop crying or throwing up. This is driving me batty.
I keep thinking how bloody unfair it is that I couldnt just stay pg last time when I didnt have to go to work and worry about throwing up on someone or being sent home because I look like *****.

I have now had 4 days off work, I have only been in this job for 3 mths, I dont have that much sick leave yet, silly me had picked up all these extra shifts bbefore I knew I was pg, to try to save some money to go to my cousins wedding in may. Now I am just so exhausted and nauseous, the last thing I want to do is go to work, I just want to stay in bed and sleep or cry.
and I do mean cry, none of this silent tears rolling down the cheeks, I am howling, moaning, snorting, once I start I cant stop. almost had a breakdown like that at work the other day (some woman wouldnt give me her medicare card!) and I had to go home.

dp is no help, hes just like, well quit your job then. yeah I wish it were that easy, so now I am stressing about working, trying to save money to go away and to get some money squirrelled away before the baby comes......I am going crazy.

sorry I had to put you all through that, at least I have stopped crying now (for the minute)
hope you all have a lovely easter.
xxx

[SamiH]

Oh Starrysky - those hormones have taken over you poor thing And whilst we can be comforted in a bit of m/s - it feels awful - I have been lucky (?) that mine hits from around 3 - 4pm until I get to sleep so workwise I have been ok - but my hubby the other night asked when was gunna feel better cos it felt like months (yeah, cos I have asked him to HELP with the kids at night times instead of me doing dinner, baths, readers, stories an bed .... enough said .... )- I said, only been 5 weeks really - and he said, oh well you are sick by choice - well uh, oh - didn't he realise he said the wrong thing ..... hormone monster got him

I am having a - am I really pregnant??? - day??? I always start off like that though cos I feel ok in the mornings .... but I know my m/s should start to subside soon, which makes me petrified that something is wrong.

3 sleeps till my NT scan - mentally, I really need to get past this one after last time ....

[Beaksie]

Hi everyone! Happy Easter. Hope you've all eaten your body weight in choccy like I have
Just a quick post to say gday.
Starrysky- Sorry you feel so crappy darl. Try and be comforted by the fact that m/s is a really good sign that your body's doing what it's meant to...
Im in that denial place. Other than being tired a bit bloated (ocassionally sore bbs) I dont feel preg at all.....I'd be happy for a bit of head over the toilet action, if only to confirm there's something going on in there.
Have finally gotten the nerve to go to the docs this week. Will ask for a quantitive HCG to be done, as well as hopefully getting a referral for an US. Makes me sick just thinking about it, as Im sure you can all understand, but I know I just have to bite the bullet...
BTW, just wondered what general opinion is re DTD in the 1st trimester. I know all is supposedly OK if there's been no bleeding, but what do you all think? Cant help but worry about increasing my risk of another mc. Any opinions on this would be great
Thanks for listening. I hope everyones doing OK.
Meredith- congrats on the twins chick! Awesome

[Sequoia]

Hi everyone!

On an incredibly slow computer but I'm here nonetheless.

Had OB appt last Thursday and Edward is "getting there" with regard to becoming engaged. BP was 130/70 which was good, put on 13kgs, no weight gain for 2 weeks, although I think after all the apricot slice and Lindt bunnies I ate over Easter that will change come this Friday for my next appt.

My OB doesn't do VE until I am in labour which I am happy with. Plus, I picked up my TENS machine, looking forward to trying that out. DH goes home today so I am by myself for tonight, then to MIL's tomorrow. Not worried though, MIL is only 10 mins away if I need to call her for any reason.

Not much else to report, cut and colour looks fab (finally!), having breakfast with my bestie tomorrow and then waxing and facial, nail appt on Thursday, then I actually have a Hen's Show on Saturday for one of my bridesmaids with only 6 days to go. Looking forward to getting out of the house! I might look like a behemoth, but at least my hair and nails will look nice!

Will try to update again soon. Lots of love to all.

mgm & Leyla - we are so close!!

SG
xo

[satya]

Hi everyone,

Starrysky - I hope you are starting to feel better. It must be just awful to feel like that. I've not had any m/s so I can't imagine what it's like. I have had lots of overemotional days though and they sure suck.

Beaksie - I've read that DTD can't cause m/c - I've read this in many different places so I'm presuming it's the truth. My DF and I have been quite active throughout this pregnancy and it certainly hasn't caused any issues.

All is well with me. Washing baby clothes while the weather is still good. That's about it.

[belfie]

Hey everyone,

Hope you all had a lovely easter

Beaksie - I heard the same as Satya, that DTD won't cause a m/c. So saying for me, I DTD (having not heard any warnings about it previously) and consequently had spotting that didn't settle. In hindsight I would have skipped DTD if I'd known that it could cause spotting, simply because I found the spotting stressful. Once I continued to have further spotting/bleeding was advised not to DTD. I think DH is now too scared to do it for the rest of the PG lol.

Shoegal - ooh i have cut/colour/wax/facial envy.. think I needs to organise myself sumthin'!

Sami - not long to go now - good vibes, good vibes!

Starrysky - aaww I so know what you mean - specially the howling, moaning, snorting bit! Sending you a big hug, it is so hard, and you don't want to whinge, but then you feel so crap how can you not? I have felt the same at times -and I wasn't even throwing up! I hope things get better for you and everything sorts itself out.

My update is ... nice easter but for some reason the nausea seems to have upped the ante (what the!?!?) here I was expecting it to start to ease... instead it's every 1.5 hours on the dot! So I did my bawl last night. I'm sick of eating, I'm sick of finding things to eat (etc. yup, this is my whingy bit). Plus chocolate leaves a foul taste in my mouth, so I didn't even want my easter chocolate!! Please please please let the nausea go away... NOW!
But on the bright side, my dear darling sister sent a package addressed to "Baby", full of baby things; opening that was so lovely. We're also still basking in the post-NT scan afterglow.

For everyone with their NT scan coming up - all the very best, I hope the time flies by. (I still take my picture everywhere with me...) Also, for those in the early days, I didn't feel PG at all till about 7 weeks.
Cheers,
Belfie.

[STARRYSKY]

I am scared now, as well as feeling nauseous and teary, last night at around 10:00pm I went to the loo for a piddle, did the obligatory toilet paper check, and OMG!! there was a brownish mucousy smudge (sorry if tmi) so im freaking out and I wiped again and same thing again. so then I started reading bbs bleeding in pregnancy thread, bad idea, so many of those ladies proceeded to lose their babies.
but, I tried to stay positive, it wasnt bright red, I am not cramping, I still feel sick etc.......managed to sleep, got up this morning and no nausea, low lying panic starts to set in, boobs still hurt, do I still feel pregnant???
went to work and all was fine, started feeling sick again and bloody tired, then at 2:00pm I went to the loo, (had been having a few sharp pains down there too...) I wiped and it looked exactly like it used to when af was about to start, brown smudge.
soooo, what the hell do I do?? dp is convinced its nothing and that im just being negative, none of the bloody doctors are open atm, and I dont fancy sitting in the er for god knows how many hours so I can be told its a lost cause
plus work told me today that I need to get sick certificates for the 5 days I have had off because of the easter hols. but I am working every day for the next 3 days, so I dont have the time!!!!

thankyou satya, beaksie, belfie and samih for your sympathy, I wouldnt wish this on anyone, (sorry beaksie) tols dp that if he still wants 3 kids he can get pregnant next time.

[MeredithD]

Hope everyone has had a nice easter and not indulged in to much choccie

Starry - Oh you poor darl! Is there anyway to cut back your hrs to part time? Maybe you could manage that better. I get you on the m/s. I have felt awful past few days and wondering how I can make it through another few weeks. However, DH was sick last night too so I think we have gastro. But, I do know how crap you must feel. Hope things improve soon

SamiH - GL with scan. not long now!

Beaksie - NO DTD in our house until 12w with both DS and this pg but then I had bleeding so was on orders from OB. DH is NOT happy but must admit, I couldn't muster the energy atm anyway.

Shoegal - Sounds great giving yourself all that pampering before the big day. I hope you make to the Hen's night and don't create a stir by going into labour!

Well, its been a pretty ordinary Easter here. I feel shocking but as I said earlier, I think most of it is gastro. Just not sure where m/s stops and gastro starts IYKWIM! DS has been unwell too and up on and off all night for almost a week now. Think I'm going to be delerious at work tomorrow!

Oh Starry - sorry missed your 2nd post. Bleeding is so scary but doesn't always mean bad news. I bled heaps with DS (more than with my m/cs) and all was fine. I would try and get to a Dr ASAP for a scan. If all is ok then it would help you feel so much more relaxed. BTW. I am getting heaps of the brown spotting. Every few days, so I know how hard it is to hold in the panic.

[belfie]

Oh Starry, I feel for you! But I must say - when you're feeling scared, it seems everyone lost the babies who had spotting/bleeding - but seriously, your mind sees that & remembers it because you're scared. There are SO many women out there who have kept their PG's despite all sorts of scary bleeding. I'm one! I've had spotting (all colours), FIVE scans by 12 weeks, bleeding (bright red through my clothes - totally thought I'd m/c'd) and I've come through it. The other thing is... you're about 8 weeks - so could be just a smidge of breakthrough bleeding (typical at 4 and 8 weeks).

Go see a doctor, get it checked out & get medical advice on what do to. I ended up having to reduce my activity - but hey, if it meant I kept the PG, I'd do anything... better to get some spotting and have a chance to do what you need to, than to have nothing happen at all IYKWIM.

So take it easy, look after yourself. Sending you BIG hugs!
Belfie

[hopingsoon]

Starry - Sorry to hear about your bleeding but like others have said it doesn't mean the worst will happen. I had some spotting about a week before my scan and it was fine. It doesn't mean that you will think everything is fine but you will never know until you see your doctor.

Meredith - thanks for your kind words earlier. Sometimes I think to myself that logically the chances are it will be fine but I can't make myself believe that. Still 2 and a half weeks until I go back and then I will know.

[mgm]

Hi everyone.

Starrysky hope you're doing OK. All I can say is I had the same thing happen, thought it was the end, and it wasn't. Be warned that you may not get a definitive answer from a doctor/hospital as to whether everything's all right - I was basically told to wait and see what happened. As belfie said, so many women have had bleeds and gone on to have normal pregnancies.

MeredithD that gastro and m/s sounds awful. Did you manage to have any easter eggs or was that the last thing you felt like?!

Shoegal yes we're so close now it's hard to believe it. I'm really hoping baby will stay put for at least this week so I can make my hairdresser appointment on friday! Glad yours went well - definitely a good idea to do all that kind of thing now. Was going to try and do a pedicure too but can't work out what to do with DS - he's not likely to sit still for that long.

Off to buy a monitor today (the one we used for DS was so crappy, we took great pleasure in throwing it in the bin recently), then fetching capsule tomorrow... it's all happening... of course it may still be another 3 weeks so I mustn't get too excited!

[MeredithD]

Starry - how are you today? Are you still spotting? Hope you are resting up.

Hopingsoon - I truly know exactly how you feel because I am thinking the same (probably irrational) thoughts every day. I so desperately want these babies to be ok and most of me thinks they probably are but then there is that niggling doubt and the need to protect myself from devastating dissapointment. Praying the next 2 weeks flies by for you so you can get the reassurance of a scan (or feel safe in trying out the doppler)

mgm - Oh sooo close. I have ticker envy! Hope you don't have to wait to long to meet your new little bundle

Still feeling pretty ordinary today. Nearly fainting this morning probably from lack of food but just don't feel up to eating much. Had to work all day and was a CRAZY day given first day after easter break (I'm a vet). At least it took my mind off tomorrow's scan and on how blah I feel. Beginning to stress a LOT about whether there will be two good HB's. Sounds bit silly but I am seriously just to tired to deal with any bad news.

[Beaksie]

Hi everyone
Just a quick one from me. Just wanted to say...
Starrysky- hope the spotting has stopped and you're doing OK. Have everything crossed for you, though Im sure you wont need it
Meredith-goodluck with your scan tomorrow. Hope you see two nice strong heart beats. Take care.
Everyone else, hope you're doing OK. Im alright, though currently have bbs the size of basketballs.DF thinks it's sexy, I just think I look like a big jersey cow. Not nice

[hopingsoon]

Starry - Have been thinking of you. Let us know how you are going. Have you been able to see a doctor yet.

Meredith - I think I am doing the same thing. Telling myself that something is wrong so if there is I won't be completely devestated. Even though I will be. I do keep telling myself that things are fine. I am taking my temps and they are still high but I don't even know if that means anything, and I haven't had any more spotting for a couple of weeks but there is still this feeling something is wrong. Anyway how did you go with your scan. Hope they are both doing well.

[SamiH]

Hi everyone - my scan today went great! Bubs was sooooo active and constantly wriggling around - 167bpm, two arms, two legs, a big nose and everything looked as normal as can be so far. Bubs measured 12w5d - few days ahead, same as last time so maybe I ovulated a couple of days earlier than I actually thought or something. Couple of days doesn't matter anyway. My technician didn''t calculate the risks, but I will get all the results next Friday when I have time to go back to doc - but she said it all looked good.

yay bubs!!

Sooooooooooooooooo relieved .................

[belfie]

Sam - I'm SO thrilled for you - and wonderful to be past the personal milestone. Congrats! LOL on the big nose, and glad to hear that telling work went well.

Starry - how are you going?

HopingSoon - thinking of you. I know what you mean about the instinct to think negatively, so maybe that will in some way protect you if the worst happens. I had a friend that did the same - and was petrified for the first 30 weeks of her PG Her counsellor said you know it won't help you feel better if you lose it. And with ours, my DH spent the entire first 8 weeks assuming it just wouldn't work. So saying, what you have is so exciting and so thrilling, that i really hope you can enjoy it.

Beaksie - LOL on the jersey cow - I know the feeling! Just bought a new battlestar galactibra... does that convey just how BIG it is??... feel I need something with reinforced steel girders!

I've just taken 2 days sick leave (eep how much do i have left!) - my m/s has kicked right up (why on earth? isn't it supposed to be subsiding now!?!?! DH thinks i did too much over easter with visitors)... anyway, combination of not sleeping due to nausea, then even THINKING about getting on the train has wiped me. Slept all afternoon, and now the killer headache has gone, m/s settled a bit & I feel vaguely human again. YAY!

[MeredithD]

Scan today and its not great news.
Both babies are still alive, however both way small for dates(5 and 7 days behind) and one (twinB as he/she was labelled) had very slow HR (90bpm).
Sonographer wouldn't say much but I spoke with my OB tonight and he thinks chances for twin B very slim. He was more hopeful for twin A as had HR 132bpm but still can't be sure.
I have been crying all day and am just devastated by the possibility of losing another TWO babies.
Now I have another week of pure torture waiting for yet another hellish scan. pregnancy is meant to be an exciting time isn't it?

[Beaksie]

Hi Meredith- I know nothing I say will take away your worries, but i want you to know that my thoughts are with you, and I'll have everything crossed