Your top 5 PAML concerns

I thought I'd start a discussion thread about your main concerns about being pregnant following a miscarriage or loss.

My 5 main concerns have been/currently are (in no particular order):

1. Reaching milestones, e.g. 12w, 18 - 20w (the big scan), 28w....birth!
2. Fear of bleeding/spotting.
3. Lack of symptoms (then having them turn into major symptoms and feeling guilty for whinging about them lasting so long)
4. Worrying that something will happen 'late' into the pregnancy or during labour/birth, i.e. that I'll suffer a late loss.
5. Feeling constantly anxious and stressed about whether the baby is ok and feeling as though people around me don't understand how it feels to be pregnant again following a loss, therefore making it hard to discuss openly.

I found myself anxious at every single scan or appointment, thinking that something has gone wrong and I haven't known it. I think I am a bit better stress-wise this pregnancy than when PG with Jacob, as I think I understand a little bit better about what to 'look' for and what's normal and what's not, but I still find myself getting stressed all the same......

I've battled a lot with feeling guilty over complaining about being sick all the time - with a lot of m/s to conquer, and then catching every bug that's flying past and having a really bad back to boot!

So......What are your major concerns? How do you handle them? Do you have coping strategies in place or a good support network to help you through?

[Tobily]

Mine have been similar to Melinda's.

#1 is definitely having another missed miscarriage in first trimester. In both of my miscarriages my body didn't expel the baby after it died, the first was particularly traumatic finding out at my first scan at 9 weeks. Having no symptoms that this had happened makes early pregnancy very scary for me. Funny though I dont' worry about seeing bleeding because for me I miscarried both times without it so not seeing doesn't reassure me that everything is fine...if that makes sense

#2 a 2nd tri loss where the baby is too early for anything to be done to save it.

#3 worrying that the baby is ok generally (this was much worse with DD, finding it easier this time)

#4 late term loss - cord accident or something equally as rare and devastating I've known a few people online who've lost bubs with cord accidents/placental abrubtion and it was so awful.

#5 something going wrong during delivery - again this fear doesn't seem to be as paralysing this time, perhaps because I've given birth once and I remember despite all the worrying about it during the pregnancy when I was actually in labour I didn't think of it all, I just went off to a completely different headspace which was a good thing.

Interesting that alot of our fears are the same. Be good to see what others say.

Experience has made this pregnancy a bit easier on my head, I know what's normal and what's not. I also got a doppler straight off this time because it helped me enormously with DD. But again I'm not finding I'm using it as much.

[visitor2]

My fears are:

1) Reaching 12wks and not knowing i have lost the baby again.
2) Reaching each milestone - you think it gets easier but it doesn't
3) Ultrasounds and appt's - I stress so much i get ill from it all.
4) Not having any pregnancy symptoms.
5) Then not getting the baby out in time as i get pre-eclampsia towards the end of my pregnancies.

My list can go on a bit longer. I think talking to others that have been through it also helps but you still get days where what ever anyone says you still only believe how you are feeling at the time.

[Minky]

I suppose mine was a little different because I knew the moment I was in trouble as prev pregnancys my waters broke unexpectantly at 16 and 20 weeks
1. First ultrasound that was to determine whether 1 singleton or 2. 2 meant that pregnancy was to be aborted by medical advice

2. Bleeding or increase wetness either meaning that waters were breaking

3. Lack of movements

4. Too many movements on cervix possible stitch rip

5. Having another delievery and D&C and waking up being told they had to do a hysterectomy

This list could go on forever
Bec

1. Finding a non viable pregnancy at the first scan.
2. Bleeding in any way
3. Some sort of heart abnormality/ congenital condition remaining undiscovered before the birth, resulting in injury or death of the baby.
4. My body not supporting the baby in some way, resulting in injury or death of the baby.
5. The feeling that everyone around me has little understanding of the stress and uncertainty that I go through, that I am in this alone, that I, in some way ASKED for the stress because I CHOSE to go through another pregnancy.

I will always worry that I will have to walk away from the hospital with wmpty arms, even after having a successful pregnancy after loss.

[MeredithD]

This list could go on and on and on as every single day of this pg I have some concern or another. You get over one hurdle and seem to find another thing to worry about! (sound familiar)

1. Having another early m/c +/or not seeing a HB at 6w scan

2. Absolute terror every time I had bleeding (which was many times). Then the dreadful wait during scan for someone to tell me things had all gone horribly wrong - suprisingly, Bumpy has come through every time strong as ever. Praying that continues untl birth

3. Fear that 12w or 19w scan would show up some abnormality requiring amniocentesis or reccomendation of termination - something I really don't know if I could do.

4. Worry over cervical incompetance or that my body will fail this baby in some other way which i cannot actively control. I feel (maybe irrationally) that if anything goes wrong it will ALL be my fault.

5. Constant nagging worry that Bumpy will still die before or during birth. That something so wonderful as a healthy, live baby is just too much of a miracle for me to deserve

[PrincessLollyPopLePink]

1 Blood, even a tiny drop scares the wits out of me.

2 The morning sickness stops, yes nobody seems to believe me that this is a sign that it's another loss *sigh*

3 If I can just get past that 12 weeks than I'm right!

4 Hearing the worst words ever "Non viable pregnancy"

5 Having to end up in Gosford Hospital , I cant stand it anymore! the whole process, having to wait around for hours to see the doctor and than come back the next day for a D & C.

[sirenz]

in no particular order:

1. having another missed m/c
2. these cramps i have been having are scaring the hell out of me
3. going for first scan and finding no heart beat like last time
4. something going wrong during the birth
5. making it to 12 weeks and then have something go wrong.

[Ligaya64]

1. that the diminished soreness in my breasts means the pregnancy is over
2. that the terrible cramps that presaged the ghastly experience of a miscarriage last April appear
3. that the early scan (in a fortnight) finds no heartbeat
4. that even if I do make it to week 12, my tests reveal Downs syndrome or some other chromosomal issue/s
5. that something else will go wrong

[Rach75]

gosh I am sure I can name a million worries

1. top is baby is in right spot not in tube
2. waiting for h/b
3. making it to 10 weeks and not be told bubs has passed
4. then we have to get thru 12 week scan to know if bubs is healthy no anecephaly
5. then to make it to fullterm
6. then pray labour/c-sect goes ok and baby is AOK at birth

my 1st pg was ectopic, 2nd ended due to anencephaly picked up at 20 weeks, 3rd missed m/c, 4th m/c @ 10 weeks no symptoms with either m/c Jack we got to 28 weeks then in the next 11 weeks spent 17 days out of hopsital or in our own town rather than be flown out to brisbane, rockhampton and townsville then during labour jack went into distress, and c-sect performed where he nearly required ventolation

[FairyChild]

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant after having 3 miscarriages over the past 2 years.

My top five concerns would have to be
1. having another miscarriage
2. not detecting a strong heart beat at my first scan
3. bleeding
4. loss of pregnancy symptoms
5. cramping

Right now I am trying to stay positive but it's tough.

[MaliasMom]

Hi, I am 22 weeks tomorrow and my #1 scare is having a another baby with a deadly heart defect,
The worst part of it all?
I know what can happen and can only hope it doesn't.
Starr

[Abbey B]

1. M/c again
2. bleeding
3. cramping.
4. making it through the milestones only to find out that there is something wrong with the baby
5. still born..

[Zee]

* Reaching milestones, e.g. 12w, 18 - 20w (the big scan), 28w....birth!
* Fear of bleeding/spotting.
* Worrying that something will happen 'late' into the pregnancy or during labour/birth, i.e. that I'll suffer a late loss.
*Still born

[FairyChild]

I have now reached 17wks and am feeling flutters of movement, which is amazing.

I went through unbeleivable stress and panic in the early weeks thinking 'Is it going to happen again. Am I strong enough to do this'. What saved me, and possibly my babies life was seeing a hypnotherapist who specialises in hypnobirthing. I first saw her when I was 6wks and walked away from the session with hope and a sense of peace. I went for my first ultrasound the next day and rather than being scared, I was totally calm. Seeing the beginnings of my baby and learning that this time there was a strong heart beat was the greatest news I could get.

The last few months have not been without a few stressfull moments or feelings of panic but for the most I have been more calm and content than I have ever been in my entire life. This time around when I felt cramps and twinges, had my pregnancy symptoms disappear for a few days (breasts no longer full and tender and no morning sickness), rather than going into melt down I have just felt a sense of faith that I am feeling what I am meant to and that everything is going to be ok.

And thankfully... so far everything is, and I am so grateful.

[cheekyfrog]

My top ten fears are:
1. bleeding
2. blighted ovum discovered at scan after spotting scare
3. missed miscarriage, after symptoms disappeared and spotting began
4. horrible cramps and bleeding before D&C was scheduled to take place
5. waiting in the maternity ward for a D&C and then being returned there for recovery
6. fear at every scan that there will be no heartbeat
7. high risk due to my age at NT scan
8. lack of movement after getting movement
9. constant fear of late miscarriage or stillbirth
10. genetic abnormality, such as di George syndrome (my sister had this with her last baby)

Nearly 24 weeks pregnant and I still can't bring myself to prepare for the arrival of this baby due to these fears. I just can't believe it's really going to happen.

[AJC]

1. spotting/bleeding
2. Lack of strong symptoms
3. Seeing empty sac at first u/s
4. Seeing no hb at second u/s
5. Fear that once I do finally make it past the first tri I will fall over or have some sort of accident that will harm the baby

[~Aveta~]

my top 5:
1. Down's or some other genetic abnormality due to my age and poor quality eggs.
2. having to do something about the above.
3. not being able to conceive again due to age, pcos, and just plain leaving it too late.
4. poor genetics from DF - he is adopted and has no family history other than knowing his birth parents had to give him up due to alcoholism
5. my family not accepting my pregnancy