So stressed!

[EmmaJane]

I was not expecting to get pregnant so soon once we started trying again - it was only the second time since I've been charting and we've been trying. We waited a few months after my D&C in May so I could get properly immunized. I got a faint positive preg test 12DPO and a strong positive 17DPO. So I'm really grateful that we don't seem to have any trouble conceiving.

I want to be happy, but there are all these milestones we need to reach and I feel like I can't be happy until after (if) bubs arrives safely. I'm just constantly worried that it won't work out. Is it just a blighted ovum? Will it get to 10 weeks like last time then stop developing? IF it lasts until 12 weeks and we announce it, will it survive to the birth? If it survives until I go into labour, will it survive the actual birth? I asked my doctor yesterday if I could get an ultrasound as early as possible once there's a chance of seeing the heartbeat, but he told me to come back a week or so after that. Every day that goes by without knowing whether it's not a blighted ovum at least I feel like I can't bond because I don't want to get attached if it's not going to happen again.

I've always had irregular cycles and never had a clue when I've ovulated in the past. I was off the pill for over 18 months when I found out I was pregnant last time. I worry that maybe I'd been pregnant previously without realizing, and that they'd always resulted in miscarriage. There were a few times when I had heavier than usual bleeding with clots. I'm even more concerned this is the case since I got pregnant on my second go since trying again after getting better acquainted with my cycle.

Uncertainty is killing me! I know nobody can say anything to make me feel better, and my heart breaks for everyone out there that experiences fertility problems, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I hope you all don't mind.

[STARRYSKY]

Hi emmajane,
I can truly empathise with how you are feeling, I felt exactly the same way last year while pregnant with my DS.
I lost our first bub at 9wks 4days, found out at our first US. and we had told EVERYONE! it then took us another 6 months to fall PG with DS, I was too scared to have an US, I only had one at 9wks (whoa! did that freak me out!) because I started bleeding and they did one in emergency.
It was hard, the whole way through to become "attatched" to that little life, knowing , as only you can just how badly things can go wrong, just remember to breathe and take one day at a time.
we didnt tell anyone we were PG again until after 16 wks, if I had left it up to DP, we wouldnt have told anyone till he was born!
But dont worry about the bonding, as soon as you see that little face and see those little eyes looking at you, the hormones will kick in and you will fall in love.
I am so sorry for your lost little bub, and a big congrats on this Pgncy, wishing you the stickiest of stick vibes and a very happy and healthy pregnancy xx

[Kitt3n]

hi emma

I know exactly how you are feeling.

We have had 2 miscarriages. The first we lost at around 4.5 weeks and found out at 7, the second we lost at 7.5 weeks and found out at almost 10 weeks. It is so so so very hard to "chill". That whole second miscarriage I was absolutely on edge. Had a scan at 7 weeks and everything was fine. At the next scan baby had not grown at all from that very first scan.

So, with the third pregnancy I just said to myself "that's it. I am not going to stress, I am going to carry on as though everything is fine, I will leave my baby alone in her little world and not intrude. No scans, no worries...... just let her grow"..... and she did !

So, yes it is so awful to try and relax and enjoy your early days of pregnancy. Honestly, just try to relax. Baby will be much more secure if you are chilled.

xoxoxox