expecting the kids to contribute

[littlelara]

The other day I told dp that when the cubs are older I would like them to cook 3 meals per week; 1 each and one together.
He looked incredulous and said "you mean when you're working?"
Well, no, not especially. I don't see the term sahm mum as being another word for underpaid housekeeper; my job is to nurture and to teach. I figure this will be one way to teach them to contribute to the family, to co-operate, to take pride themselves, cohesion, that cooking can be fun, all sorts of things.
DP's mum never had them do anything at all in terms of chores or housework or cooking (or even their own laundry) and even though dp is himself a domestic god, his brother who is 32, has only moved out of home this week and is also a qualified chef, has never done a lick of housework, dishes, or even cooked a meal for his parents.
Not that I think one absolutely leads to the other, but surely it could be looked at as a contributing factor?
I dont know, am I alone in this? Or am I kidding myself?
Thoughts, if you please

[Onyx]

My boys already do some little jobs. We cook together which includes planing the evening meal, buying the ingredients and then them doing what they're capable of and me doing anything dangerous.
We also bake together on occasion (I'm not a frequent baker).
When I wash up I rinse the china and then Yasin rinses everything else and stacks it in the drainer.
they both help vacuum and I finish up what they leave (which is pretty much everything lol)

It's not fair to raise children and not teach them how to look after themselves and then expect them to pick it up as adults. I never did anything until I left home and I still struggle with domestication and routines. My sister couldn't even make a salad dressing when she left home.
IMO if they marry they will have happier marriages if they have some understanding of how to pull their weight around the house.

[mollycat]

My kids are a little (just a bit) older then yours.

From the time they were interested, they would push the vacuum cleaner around for me (who cares if I had to do it again later).
They put their clothes away - and into the right drawers (something I'm particular about), they both know how to use the washing machine and dryer, hang the clothes on the line - not wonderfully, but if it gets dry, who cares. I will fold the clothes and put into the right persons pile, its their jobs to pack all the folding away. It's also their jobs to bring the washing in for me.
My eldest will cook a meal once a week - this is on top of working up to 6 nights a week, I figure he needs to learn at some point how to prepare and cook a meal - I then get him to clean up after himself and the rest of us. The youngest is just beginning to cook, although they have both been preparing vegetables for many years. DS2 will cook vegetables using the vegie steamer. They both take turns emptying the dishwasher and will refill it under sufferance.

My eldest has been doing the ironing for me for the last six years, DS2 starts learning after Christmas. They both have assigned cleaning jobs that we tackle each Sunday. A lot of this is because I work from home with long hours, so appreciate all the help I can get. Some of the jobs they do each Sunday, I will do as well thru the week. They also mow the yard for me. DS2 mows and gardens at his grandparents, which DS1 used to do before he started working.

In the start I gave them each pocket money for helping do jobs, but now pocket money is dependant on how much spare money I have at the time. The eldest doesn't get pocket money from us - he works so gets paid there - but I do buy him DVD's/games/music occasionally.

I think it also teaches them responsibility as well as contributing to the household.

[kawazuki]

i think its great.
DS has his chores, empty the disjhwasher, feed the cat and stick insects, pack his folded clothes away. teaches him responsibility he even packs his own bag when we go away for a weekend, saves they why did u pack x top or x pants.
then fi he doesnt have it to bad. lol we go through what he needs with him before he packs and then after he has packed, hasnt left anything behind yet..

he has to clean his room and we make him vacume occasionally.
dd turns the dishwasher on, helps pick out the veggies for dinner from the fridge. packs her clothes away well throws them toward her draws, she is only 2 but she knows where they should be lol

[Berenice]

I have 3 sisters, and we all had our own jobs - I was cook, another did washing, another the bathrooms and the last one vacuuming. We turned out okay! Well, I did anyway

I knew a young couple who got married, and after a month he sent her back to her parents, because she couldn't do ANYTHING!! She was back home for 2 weeks, got a crash course in domesticity, and then moved back with hubby. Extreme perhaps, but she would literally just go out and get coffee with her girlfirends and shop every day, because thats what she thought a wife did

[Gracious_Goddess]

Ok, once I've said my bit I mat go hide under a rock

I am all for kids helping out around the house, but to cook 3 meals per week I feel is a little extreme if you are also planning on having them help with dishes, vacuum, keep their room tidy etc. I feel that whilst kids should be taught to help out, they should also be able to be kids too. They'll be at school 5 days a week, probably have homework, and do all of these chores on top of that, when are they supposed to be kids?

This is in no way an attack on you or your beliefs, just my opinion!

I'll be under my rock if you need me

[littlelara]

Haha, no need to hide, it's ok.
I didn't intend them to do everything domestically (although hanging out the washing occasionally might be nice when they can reach the washing line lol), I just figured they could each take charge of one meal per week and make one together; it could be cheese on toast for all I care, it was more about principle and sharing the load, I think.

[shellbell3]

I'm all for kids helping out.
I think its important to be self sufficient on these things.
Even at 3 I get DD to help out, pack away her toys, put her plate in the dishwasher or at least on the bench, simple things like that.

[Nadine216]

I don't see helping out in that way as a job, I see it as something you can be thankfull for. It means you have a house to clean, food to cook and clothes to wash.

I have two sisters and we were always helping out. My mom started working again when I was about 12 and my youngest sister were 6. We got jobs to do around the house to help her out and you'd have to help with dinner and cleaning up afterwards. Later on we each got a turn to prepare a Sunday cooked meal (try new recipes etc) and in high school you were responsible to do your own ironing.

I'm definatly going to let dd and ds help around the house and not just "gender appointed" jobs. I want dd to know how to mow the lawn, just like I want ds to know how to iron a shirt.

I say go for it. And if that does not sit well with DH .. tell him that you want your daughter to be just as good as wife to her husband, like you are to him and visa versa with your son and for that to happen they have to be taught

[Jas]

I think it is a great idea. I think when it comes the parenting we see what we had as kids and we see bad stuff and "normal" stuff, the bad stuff is those things we say we will NEVER do and the "normal" stuff is the stuff we go to as our default....sometimes thats where parenting conflict comes up when parents have a different "normal default" to our partners. Sometimes when we think these things through its not that we actually believe what we believe its just we took it as the way it has to be iykwim???

[jasp]

Originally Posted by Pony

It's not fair to raise children and not teach them how to look after themselves and then expect them to pick it up as adults. I never did anything until I left home and I still struggle with domestication and routines. My sister couldn't even make a salad dressing when she left home.
IMO if they marry they will have happier marriages if they have some understanding of how to pull their weight around the house.

Absolutely!

My kids are expected to help out as needed (they are a bit older, 14, almost 12 & 7 - DD2 is off the hook for now lol)
Among other things - my 2 older kids know how to load washing in the machine, hang it, bring it in, sort it.... wash dry & put away dishes.... clean a toilet, basin & bath... sweep / mop or vacuum....and will help with cooking occasionally.
DS2 takes out the rubbish, wipes cupboards, washes dishes....

They don't have to do all of that all the time, but it is explained to them that they are in a family of 6, & Dh & I both work, we all need to help out with housework. And it is a big help too!

I'm sure they feel hard done by but I was raised half one way & half the other... I agree it is much better for them to leave home with some skills, but also they need to understand the principle of contributing

I am very lucky in that my DH is pretty helpful around the place & I plan on my boys being even better for their partners and as for DD i hope that she is growing up knowing that everyone in a family should be pitching in

[Nelle]

I didn't ever really do much at home, and for a long time I was a crud housekeeper. I didn't realise until I became a SAHM and it became mostly my responsibility. I'm getting better, but dh has been so patient - he pulls his weight when I am, but understandably finds it a bit hard to be motivated when I am like 'ohhhh yeah well I have plenty of clean clothes so I didn't think to wash yours or the towels' or 'can't we just get pizza again?'

I totally agree with Pony, it's really hard when suddenly it's 'ready set GO have skills' and I was like 'errr'. It must be hard to parent though - we had to do chores as kids - we negotiated to do it for money, but if there wasn't anything I wanted to buy, I wouldn't do my chores and then someone would pick up the slack because the job needed to be done. But I wouldn't do the job because it needed to be done because I didn't see the need.

I wonder if it helps to get kids to help from a really young age, because then it's something they've always done? I also wonder if they hear me grumble about things, that they will think that it's a negative thing. My eldest LOVES doing the washing, he's just turned 3 and I reckon he could pretty much do it on his own. He's warming to cooking, he does like to sample.

[jasp]

My guys were all happy to help at the age of 3 or 4.. once they were old enough that it was expected of them the novelty wore off

I do think it helps though for them to learn that it's just a part of life, kwim? You may not like it but it has to be done.

I grew up (until I was 12 anyway) in a family with 4 of us...2 working parents, just me & my sister & all the housework got done on the weekend. I had to do the dishes every night, but apart from that there just wasn't a lot of mess, or cleaning to be done (well that's my memory anyway). But I didn't have an example of things being done a bit every day. It took me years to work that out on my own!
When I moved up to live with mum there was just her & I & my other sister - & mum did everything pretty much. I mean I helped out with dishes & stuff but I never gained any understanding of what's involved in really looking after a house...

But then, I don't know if my kids do either though.
Maybe it's something that comes after you have your own home to look after...

[Roryrory]

My DH is one of four and says by the age of 8 he could cook a roast and a cake (without using a recipe!) for the family meal.

I, on the other hand, never even made my bed or washed clothes til after I left home (I'm an only child and my mother found it quicker to do everything for me, including dress me til the age of 6!!)

I think rather than have rigid rules about X meals per week I would get them involved from an early age and adapt their chores according to their other commitments. So a year 10 kid might cook 2 meals a week but a year 12 kid who actually studies and doesn't just moan about it gets let off cooking duty but still has to clean the bathroom once a week.

Lara I think your DH has the totally wrong idea thinking that getting kids to cook is giving you a "break" - he's obviously never cleaned up after an 8 year old has prepared a meal!!

[Nai]

I think it is part of being a responsible parent - you need to give them the life skills for when you are no longer there for them.

I always had to get everyone's breakfast ready and cook 1 meal a week when I was growing up. I also had other chores that I had to do around the place. My DD1 is already "helping" at meal times and she is getting used to tidying up and hanging out washing etc. It takes more time when she "helps" but in the long run it will pay off.