Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage - May 2009

[Freya]

So glad Deb is doing ok! Thanks for the update Michelle.

Janie, I know how you feel - I was the same TTC Ripley. But look at me now lol I ended up having the one more and he came along quite by surprise! We'll all be here backing you up so you'll be just fine

River is 7wks old on Tuesday Makes me so sad. I thought I was 110% done with babies but Im already starting to fight the 3-and-done rule. Dh nearly dies everytime I tell people "I never say never, atm we are done but who knows?", he is definately done. I need a hobby lol I just always thought Id have 4 or 5 kids so it feels incomplete still you know? I figure I shouldnt test my luck though, Rivers pregnancy was a dream and the birth was beautiful. End on a high note and all that jazz.

[mako]

Thanks for the update Michelle.I too have been thinking alot about Deb and wondering how she is recovering.Please send her big hugs from me.
How are you doing now? Have your visitors left?

Willow I hope Boo gets the idea that s/he needs to move into an appropriate possy and that will help you feel a bit more comfy..I hope DS is having a better day today too.

Janie Yep we'll all be here holding your hand. I wish you a very happy journey with nothing but very happy moments

Anna I also wonder how I'm going to be feeling after we have our next bubba as it will be the last 1 for us too. I always wanted 4 but never 3 lol.I always felt like the odd 1 out as the youngest of 3 so didn't want an "odd" number but always felt like 2 wouldn't be enough kwim? But DH is adamant that 2 will be IT. I don't know I have to try and get him to commit to start ttc again lol

As for us most of you know from my fb status thingy that DS gave me a hell of a fright yesterday by doing a disappearing act out the back door,across lots of shoes,down the steps which had a broom laying across them and was happily playing with his ball in our driveway. I am so pleased we have a 4 legged animal who needs to be kept in the yard and the gates were closed or it could have been sooooooo much worse(we live on a very busy main rd). Anyway we now keep the back security door locked and just hope he doesn't try and escape through the doggy door

Hello to everyone..I better go pick the boy up from his Nans..

Oh is anyone going to the Sydney PCB expo this weekend? I was thinking about going on Sunday.

[Freya]

I definately know what you mean Mako. I always envisioned a family as a busload of kids and lots of noise + fun! I always wished my parents had of had more kids after my brother (we're a threesome too) but they felt they were too old to have more (but always wished they had been able too).

So it really annoys me sometimes that Dh is adamant we are done. Why? Because it would be too hard to parent 4 or more kids (for him anyway). I keep meaning to ask him how that works considering I carry/birth/feed/clean up after/chauffer/get up to them 24-7-365. He's not going to change his mind though (right now anyway) so I'll bide my time and ask him again when River is 2 or 3 lol If he says no again then I'll just have to suck it up.

[Janie]

Thanks for the well-wishes and holding girls I really appreciate it.

I don't even really want to think about the how many kids debate, it seems way too hard ATM. And I feel nervous enough about getting pg, staying pg, and carrying to full term LOL!

Willow, DS is actually dairy intolerant (casein protein), not lactose intolerant, so lactose free stuff is no good for us, as that's not our issue. I don't have a recipe for the custard, sort of made it up LOL. A bit of rice milk, maybe 3/4-1 cup, a bit of rice flour, a few tablespoons I guess, some raw sugar, some vanilla, whisk it all together over low heat, and stir slowly as it thickens (it takes awhile but then suddenly does it, and if it takes too long just whisk in some more rice flour). I take it off the heat and then quickly whisk in an egg yolk at the end. It can end up a bit thick, but it's easier for him to eat, and if it's too thick I just stir in a bit more milk. HTHs! Just a tip, if you end up with extra, don't store it in plastic, it makes custard go really runny!

Better go off and do some more washing while DS is asleep!!! Hope everyone is having a nice day

[Spring Angel]

Michelle: Thank you so much for the update on Deb, if you are in contact with her please pass on my love and well wishes.

Mako: You must have been beside yourself whilst looking for DS, I'm so glad he was ok, I agree, sounds like the deadbolt is the next step.

Anna: I can see why you still feel like more kids, they are just so beautiful and I'm sure that you and DH will come to an agreement about the exact number some how. BTW I can't believe River is 7 weeks, where did that time go?

Janie: How exciting hun (and nerve wracking) that you are TTC again. Here holding your had along the way.

Willow: I've been meaning to ask how is DS's leg going. Is his cast due to come off soon?

Bun: I hope you are enjoying your time with your family.

Bek: Hope you are feeling better matie. Hope the kids are better and your teeth are healing well.

Well I'm zonked. DH is away at the moment so I'm having an early one. Thinking of braving IKEA tomorrow but I'm going to wait and see if I feel up to battling the crouds in the morning.

Nighty ni

Spring xx

[mako]

Spring How is your gorgeous little boy going with his "big boy" bed? Has he been sleeping well in there?

[Willow]

Mako - I'm going to be at the baby expo all day tomorrow, helping at the Nurture Nappies stand again for free nappies this year

[mako]

Have a great time Willow and how good is that that you'll get free nappies for your time..I hope they'll provide you a chair so you're not on your feet all day though

I'm looking at going on Sunday with a friend of mine(Sage's godmother) who is getting a baby long term through DOCS in a couple of weeks.Her and her partner are unable to have kiddies of their own and really weren't looking at fostering or adopting now or in the future but this little bubba has come along and they really have no idea where to start looking at what they'll need so I suggested going to the Expo. I've missed out for the last couple for 1 reason or another so thought it might be a good opportuninty to go

[Willow]

Mako - Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the loooong day but will see how I go. If it's too much, I'll just have to take a break or finish up early.

[butterfly_warrior]

I'll make sure I stop by and say hello, Willow - we're planning on going tomorrow.

I just survived going out to dinner with my friends leaving Sam at home with DH... first time I've ever done it! Still not sure how I feel about it, either...

BW

[sazzafrazz]

Hello everyone, I see a few familiar faces here!!

I'd love to join you if I'm welcome. I suffered an early miscarriage in Feb after an Ivf transfer and I am feeling it terribly lately. I have a darling daughter, Celeste who is now 16months old.

I struggle with alternating thoughts:
1) it was so early, if it wasnt IVF I may never have even known.
2) This may have been my last chance to have another baby as we only have one frosty left and may never afford another stim cycle.
3) I already am lucky enough to have DD which is so much more than many who have losses.

To add to things I am feeling jealous and hurt that many of my IRL friends, and BB friends if I'm truely honest, are pregnant (mostly accidentally or with minimum wait IRL!) To rub salt into my wounds, today a facebook friend mistakenly thought I was pg. It may be that she overheard 2 pg friends and me talking in the changrooms at swimming or it may be just that I am fat and possibly look pg in bathers. Either way I am gripped with embarrassment and sorrow tonight as someone else read and posted before I could get online and dispute it.

So anyway that is me and my woes.

[butterfly_warrior]

Sazz... one thing I've learned is that a loss is still a loss regardless of how early it may have been. It is crushing, regardless of whether you've known for 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 months... hell, 5 minutes would be enough for the dreams to have started!

Anyway, welcome... and I'm sorry once again for the circumstances that bring you to us. I think I'll face (already am to some extent) many of the same issues when it comes to us defrosting our last two embryos.

BW

[mako]

Hi Sazz

Firstly I want to say how sorry I am again for your loss

You have found the most understanding bunch of women in here. We all unfortunately know where you are coming from with all those very valid feelings you are experiencing.
As BW mentioned a loss is a loss no matter if you knew you were pregnant for a few minutes,hours,days,weeks or months.

As much as I like FB I really do think some people should really really think about what questions they ask or what comments they make. Some things really should only be asked or said in real life.Sending you the biggest ever hun.

[Michelle71]

Welcome Sazz No matter when the loss occurs, there is always grief. A pregnancy is filled with hope and dreams from before conception and in the TWW - esp with an FET / IVF when you know the egg is fertilised.

Deb's story in a little more detail - WARNING - MAY BE DISTRESSING


Deb has antiphospholipid syndrome (APS) which was one of the causes of her late and multiple losses. Immy was the result of a Dr S consult and anti-coagulation / steroids through pregnancy. After an early delivery (and a critically unwell mummy), Immy and Deb survived and went home to join the clan.

Roll on to current - uterine mass needing a hysterectomy after biopsies a couple of weeks ago. Anaesthetist not a happy chappy - not going to do surgery until the clotting and previous heart issues have been checked. Bloods and other *stuff* done on the Monday (theatre was cancelled that day). APS is worse than they expected - will need to be on long term therapy such as warfarin. Heart A-OK.

Theatre - part way through BP is really high, heart stops beating (was not pleased when I read that but having got the message from Deb I at least knew she had survived ) End of operation - Deb transferred to ICU.

Described by the specialist as a *walking time bomb* who could have dropped dead from the results of APS. Good anaesthetist for forcing the issue - in the end justified.

So we have one recovering Deb who is, thankfully, alive.

Was looking at the expo again today (went very quickly yesterday - and got lots of nappies ) but solo with the littlies was not appealing in the wind. May drag DH there with me for a better look tomorrow. BBL with personals - the girl is grizzly.

[Janie]

Oh Michelle, I have such shivers reading that about Deb. I am so so thankful, for her babies sakes (and ours of course) that she is okay. Hooray for the anaesthetist. I really don't know what to say, what a shake up. Sending Deb lots of healing and recovery vibes, I hope she is up and about soon.

Um, did they get to finish the hysterectomy? I would hate to think she has to go back.......

[BekZ]

I just did a big post and lost it

I will be quick.

Michelle - Thanks for the update on Deb. Send her my love and prayers!!

Sazz - Welcome and sorry for your loss. Sounds like you've got a lot on your mind. My advice is to be gentle and let yourself heal. Hold your earth baby tight..they truely help you in the healing process.

Thanks for asking how I have been. My tooth extraction went really well and I am fine. Miss Loren is recovering and I am looking foward to some sleep.

Hi to all...I hope to be back with personals soon.

[Spring Angel]

Michelle: thank you so much for the update on Deb. How absolutely terrifying for Deb and her family. I wish her every ounce of strength it takes for her to recover.

Sazz: Welcome hun. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. TBH I still get jealous of people who get to have 'normal' pregnancies. Sorry to hear about the misunderstanding on FB, that must have been very upsetting.

BW: I remember going out without DS for the first time and left him at home with DH, TBH I couldn't wait to get home, just didn't feel right but with time it gets easier and before long you'll enjoy yourself and look forward to the alone time.

Mako: DS is going fantastically in his big boy bed. We made a big deal of it being really special and he seems to really love it. He has only fallen out a couple of times but we pull out the trundle and he falls onto it and doesn't even wake up. Are you thinking of putting DS in one soon?

Bek: Glad to hear the dentist went well and that Miss Loren is feeling better.

Well I think DS is about to get tonsillitis again. We had a horrible night last night where DS just wouldn't settle and was waking up crying every half an hour or so. Runny nose today and a cough so here goes again. So looking forward to the ENT specialist appointment in June.

Hope you all have a great night.

Lv Spring

[Willow]

BW - did you find the amber teething necklaces?? My friend brought one at the Australian Doula College (or something similar) stand. They were selling the Amber Bebe necklaces. I would have sent you a txt but don't have your number not sure if you would have still been there anyway.

I am absolutely exhausted after working 6 hours at the expo so I'm going to bed! BBL for personals...