Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage ~ Sep/Oct 09

[LisaL]

willow - thats great hun good on DH for the extra effort, hope you have a great day

Janie - whoo hoo girlfriend!! What great results, so glad bub was doing acrobatics for you!

BG- how far out in the country are you?? Im sure its a nice break having DH around ....I wish mine would go away sometimes

Gotta fly, Miss A has an ear infection and snots on tap..and im having dinner with my friends tonight so have to get all her stuff organised for DH.

Lisa xx

[Janie]

16 weeks Lisa!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

[Allure de Star]

I recently underwent ivf and was successful in getting pregnant. I had been told that my levels had started low and they were looking for them to double every two to three days. This started happening and I relaxed and allowed myself to become excited about becoming a mother.

Then on Wednesday last week, I received a call and was told the levels plummeted and it could result in miscarriage. There was still some hope so we waited and we prayed. Unfortunately, on Friday I was told that the levels dropped even more and it would definitely result in miscarriage. I have to return tomorrow for more monitoring because the levels must drop to zero.

The waiting is killing me. I am waiting to get a really bad period that will signal the end of my pregnancy. Since I know it is going to inevitably happen, I just wish it would. I am scared and all of this waiting is making it harder.

Has anyone else gone through this scenario or something similar to it? I know that I am lucky it is happening so early in my pregnanc.

[Janie]

Oh god, I am having such an up and down day. Have felt like ****e for most of it, particularly tonight. And DH was grumpy for some unknown reason, but he's taken DS up to the ILs now, so I can be sick in peace! Mind you, I wish he'd remembered to fix the heater before he went out, it's not working for some reason tonight.

The good parts of my day were that DS was an angel (as he mostly has been lately!), and that two friends got some really fantastic news . But I have just felt rotten, and not only in my tummy. My head hurts, but I can't swallow tablets ATM, so no panadol for me. I know I need to eat and drink, and I kinda want to, but I can't think of anything I want that won't make me vomit. I want to be able to ask my mum for more help, but TBH, she's already doing plenty for us and she has ALOT on her plate ATM. So I don't like to tell her how crap I'm doing, because then she'll feel guilty.

I just feel miserable, and then I feel worse, because I shouldn't feel miserable, everything is good! Our house looks disgusting again, I feel like with being sick etc I have let so much stuff go, including catching up with friends. I have been a terrible friend lately, and have been neglecting ABA stuff as well. I KNOW things will get better, but I can't seem to see past the ***** stuff at the moment. It's just crazy, I know it is. And I'm so up and down, two days ago I felt so happy, and I hadn't even had my scan yet! And now, when I should be relaxed and over the moon (which I am about our baby being well) I am so down in the dumps. I guess it's just hormones, and being tired (insomnia!) and being a bit stressed about family, etc etc. But I hate it, I don't like not being happy. Especially at a time like this.

Argh, so sorry to vent like that, but I needed to do it somewhere I feel safe. And you guys know and understand everything that's been going on. Thanks for listening .

[Spring Angel]

Janie, hun. I think it might be the post scan slump. By the sounds of it most of us go through a similar thing. You get so pumped about your scan and then after it is almost as if you crash.

I hope you feel better soon. Don't force the food if you don't feel like it. How about a cup of tea to sooth your tum and warm you up?

Spring xx

[Janie]

Oh thank you Spring . You'd think I would know about that, it never even occurred to me . It's amazing how different things are this time around, I thought it would be so much easier, and it some ways it is, but in other ways it's so much harder.

I can't stand any hot drinks ATM except hot choc (which makes me sick), but thank you for the idea. I kind of want something hot to eat, but I don't know what. And I'm definitely not up for cooking anything. Oh well, we'll see how tomorrow goes!

[briggsy's girl]

hope the slump passes soon Janie - i remember feeling really anxious before all the tests and things, and almost being bouncy with nervous energy, then afterwards, i'd feel really down and lethargic - kinda like there was no fight left in me. make the most of the "you" time you have tonight - relax, sleep if that's what you need - and just eat what you can when you can.

Lisa, i'm out in Gippsland/Latrobe Valley - takes about two hours on a good day to get into the city (not that we get good days anymore - south eastern carpark with all the roadworks!). DD is good in the car almost to pakenham (takes just over an hour to get there) if i can get her to crash while i drive. we're about 20k's from the nearest decent sized shops, 30k's from a major centre. i love living out here in that it's so quiet and stuff, we have room to do what we want, barely see our neighbours (even though we're in town) - but it's been hard for the exact same reasons! i think i became very much a hermit while i was pg with DD - no one locally seems to understand LTTTC and TTC after loss - or if they do, it's not been after recurrent loss - and how much it messes with your emotions and how you see things. as much as it was a very celebrated pregnancy, it wasn't me that was celebrating - i was too busy worrying! no one here got it

[Spring Angel]

Ok girls, I have a TMI question I have felt rather swollen down below for a while now. I put it down to third pregnancy and thought nothing more of it. Recently it has become rather obvious so I got my trusty makeup mirror to have a squizz. Turns out I have what appears to be a rather large varicose vein. I promptly consulted Dr Google and turns out it isn't uncommon and should subside with time. I'm going to my GP on Tues anyway so I'll ask her to check it then, my question I guess is, is anyone else game enough to share their expereince with this rather unglamourous pregnancy symptom? I've never had this before and I'm feeling rather yucky about it. I should say it isn't painful and if I didn't look I'd never have known.

Spring

ETA: Whoo hoo for me on 3rd Trimester and boo hoo for me for broken hoo ha.

[BekZ]

Janie - I always had down times after scans. I think it was kind of an emotional release kyiwim. Take time out and look after yourself. Slowly, slowly get yourself back together. I bet you are a wonder friend and I think your friends will understand. If it helps - I always feel worse if my house is a mess, but I have learnt that it will get done eventually.

Spring - I had very swollen lady bits and it really messed around with my emotions. My vein issue was in the back regions and I have a mild prolaspe of the vajay. My doctor wasn't concerned about it, unless I was getting pain. I did however mention it to my middy whilst in labour and she applied on ice pack whilst I was pushing. I couldn't thank her enough because she minimised pain and damage. I hope that helped you.

Lisa - Whoot 16 weeks

[mako]

Willow Your place would be fine I think with all the kiddies. It certainly doesn't bother me as I'm thinking I might stay the night at my sisters place at Faulconbridge.She has been asking me to visit for ages and her kids are always wanting to play with Sage so it might be a good excuse lol (not that I need an excuse but you know).
Hope you and DH had a nice day shopping together. Oh and how lovely he bought you flowers too
Do you want me to bring the hammock on the 13th?

Spring No advice hun but hopefully its not causing you any pain. Wow 3rd trimester now..Where on earth has that time gone? How's the plans going for your move?

Janie Just great big from me hunny. Hope you're feeling better today.

BG I'm so happy that your DH has been able to get some work. Atleast he's been home each night and is able to enjoy spending time with you and Miss E

BW How are you going? I've been thinking of you with this silly weather we're having atm.

Nothing going on here. Sage is being good although he's had a few bad nights. I just wish his 4 molars would hurry up. They are raised but just haven't popped through yet. They seem to be taking forever.On the topic of teeth...Has anyone got any advice on how to make brushing his teeth *fun*? He cries and fights with me every single time I try to do them

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend

[Lee]

Janie - massive hugs, and full understanding from me. I'm in the same boat - just so emotional, teary, down and I know it's not fully rational, but can't seem to shake it all the same. Hate blaming everything on hormones, but I seriously think they are the main culprit at the minute - also lack of sleep can really affect a girl too, I get very teary and sensitive when I'm sleep deprived. My DH tends to hide in his office when I get like this, can't say I blame him! I find the ONE thing that always helps me when I get like this is to go for a walk, and sit somewhere nice, in the park, beach, wherever is nice for you - fresh air and something beautiful to look at is such a help, and you can leave all your troubles at home. I know a lot of people (non-pregnant ones too) that seem to be really struggling atm, so not sure what the universe is on about, but with all the tsumani and earthquake tragedies, it's all a bit much.

Spring - we call all handle tmi in here! But sorry to say I have no advice, having not experienced that before - but I do get a heavy feeling, almost a bit bruised down there the later things go in pregnancy - keep up those pelvic floors and if an ice pack will help try that. And woo hoo to you too on 3rd trimester, when I see our tickers it's amazing we are only days apart, very exciting!!! I've decided I can be in hossie Christmas Day and they can deliver me a big fat glass of red wine, camenbert, baked turkey and christmas pud!! And I'm not cooking

Girls - as mentioned above - I'm a SHOCKER at the minute - is this normal??? SO emotional, so teary - actually a bit over myself. I think being pregnant pretty much the last 3 years in a row is taking it's toll, and also the fact that nobody is "that excited" about this pregnancy - it's a case of 'oh god she's pregnant again' - nobody has said that, it's just how I'm perceiving it. Ahhhhhhh.... sigh sigh........... just want some serious pampering and nurturing myself at the minute, and not really getting it..... sorry for the moan...

Lee xo

[BekZ]

Lee - :hugs: I had quite a few emotional days with my last pregnancy. I also felt that no one got excited about our 3rd bub. I had a lot of comments that I didn't appreciate..eg "Well surely this will be it for you guys! ( my fathers words)" or "I bet you are disappointed that your not having a son!" or "Your just a baby making machine (my mothers quote)". Oh yeah and I had almost no visitors come to meet the bub either.Eva is almost 3 months old and quite a few of my very busy friends haven't bothered to meet her. On the pampering side of things, I took myself off and had a pedicure, massage and haircut just before Eva was born and I am so glad I did that little bit of pampering.

[Inanna]

Lee I remember well feeling just as you are...

Spring it sounds like a varicose vein - I hope it settles for you. Get it looked at (gorgeous I know)...

Well I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. To be completely frank it's been a bit hellish...

I finally 2 weeks ago got my first installment of child support payment. So, that went to the school for fees and to the bank for the mortgage... I then promptly got the large energex bill that always arrives for us all after winter... It hasn't rained here for ages so if it doesn't by Thursday I will need to buy in water....

The kids have been doing well - they have settled into the rythum of life. DD14 is fairly over her father and the treatment he is dishing out. He plays the legend to the public and then is a different kettle of fish in private. (it urines me off no end let me tell you...) I feel I have become quite bitter at the moment. I am so tired and worn out. '

I got my new car which is just wonderful! We have called her black betty and she is a bit gorgeous! I feel like a Mafia Queen in it!!!! My DD6 calls it the Princess Car...

Sadly Imogen it would seem has cerebral palsy. She still isnt walking and her muscle tone is pretty ordinary. Friday she is being assessed again - but I know enough to know that's what we are looking at. It's not a shock - but it sucks and I feel incredibly guilty. If if if.... You know the drill... I love her so much that my body aches and she is the most incredibly spunky little Being. She's been dealt a really sucky blow - one I feel my need for that 5th baby has made her this way...

I've begun again on antidepressants I just need the leveller at the moment... It hasn't helped yet but it's only been a week.

A really old friend came for the past week and it was nice to have some time together with laughs, wine and a good old fashioned biatch session...

Gloria the Maltese/****su cross is just devine and was the best thing for our family. We love her so much. I swear she believes she is human! She sleeps on my bed (along with Immy and DS9!)

Immy is 2 on the14th of October - I cannot believe that time has flown by - it's been a hellish couple of years made bearable by the blessing that is Imogen Gail...

I took DD14 to the movies today to see 500 days of summer - gotta love that movie!!!!!

I think I will do my mid next year. I cannot work with the therapy needed for Imogen and her low immunity - I just can't put her in child care. So, I will make the best of it and do that I think...

Anyway I am sorry for being such a sideliner. I have been in a really bad place. Yelling at my kids, crying at the drop of a hat and hating anything with a hairy penis...

I am hoping things are on the up...

Love yous all...

[Willow]

... hating anything with a hairy penis...

Deb - We have missed you but we know what you're going through so please don't ever apologise for being a bit absent. I am so very sorry to hear about Immy ...like I've said before, if there's a mama on this planet equipped to deal with these constant blows, its YOU. As a mother I can understand the feelings of guilt but I hope you give yourself a bit of a break on that front There's something very cool about a shiny new black car...I used to love driving my black Vitara LOL. Hoping to acquire a new car myself reasonably soon...black of course

Spring - V veins...oh am I your girl! I've had one 'down there' during my third and fourth prgs with the boys. After I had L, it totally disappeared, you would never have known it was there until I fell prg again with D. Second time around, not so lucky I'm afraid. It is HUGELY reduced, but I can still feel it somewhat if I really try. Thankfully all of the discomfort, swelling, aching etc has completely gone so it's really only a cosmetic issue.

Keep in mind though that I was HUGE for this last prg and birthed a 10 pound baby, so that didn't help. Most people will find they will pretty much completely resolve following the birth so I wouldn't be too concerned at this point.

I spoke to my ob about it both times as I was concerned about the pressure on it during birth. He said he'd only ever seen one rupture during labour in his 20 plus years but we decided I would birth laying on my side (can't remember the name of the position) to help take the pressure off. In the end that did NOT happen because my birth was pretty full on and it totally left my mind amongst all the excruciating pain he couldn't have kept me in one place if he'd tried (I probably would have ripped his head off).

Anyway, ice packs can help with the discomfort (never did it myself) and you can also get support panties (again, never went there myself). Try and stay off your feet as much as you can when it's achy.

Any other q's feel free to ask me, I'm an open book, nothing is TMI with you girls.

Hi to everyone else, gotta run as we're having people over for a bbq (miserable weather so I'm thinking of cancelling and doing something else) but will be back tonight probably.

PS Mako - not so upset about not making it up this weekend, the weather here is horrid and assuming it's the same for you guys.

[BekZ]

Deb - hugs sweet lady. Willow you said everything perfectly - So ditto Deb!!

I am putting myself on a computer ban for a couple of days. I amnot feeling right and quite frankly I have been horrilbe to my girls and lashed out at them a few times in the last couple of days. I just think I am a bit worn down and I need to spend some quality time with the girls. Hugs to all

[LisaL]

Deb sweety I feel your pain for your little girl, but sweety dont feel guilt, she was meant to be born, thats why you had the need to have a 5th child. It was her destiny to be here and to be your daughter. Immy chose to be born and she chose you to be her mummy. She will no doubt face some challenges but she has her mums fighting spirit and she will rise above it all..

Bek - oh hun, good idea to spend some time with the girls, often with the daily grind we forget the little precious moments that can bring us so much joy. No FB for a few days either missy

A big hi to everyone else... well need a bit of advice, last night for about 2 hours I was dizzy (having major head spins everytime I moved) I went to the ED but wasnt up for a 6hr wait so went home. I called FPH and they told me it could be the baby pushing on some nerves (she used a special term but i have nfi what that was!). I feel fine this morning and have my regular OB appt in 2 days. Anyone heard of this before???

Lisa

[Spring Angel]

Deb: I've said it before babe, I'm in awe of you and the way you handle all that life throws at you. If there is anything I can do to help out let me know. I'm sorry to hear about Immy's diagnosis but i think Lisa put it perfectly, if that little girl has even an ounce of her mumma's spirit she will be fine.

Willow: Thanks so much for sharing about the hoo ha monsters. I really was shocked, I've got to say if I wasn't already self conscious about the changes I've been through with 3 kids, I am now. Luckily I'm not in any pain but I've noticed by the end of the day it seems more pronounced and swollen. Is that your experience? I don't fancy support panties but hey, I also don't want the whole thing falling out Did you end up showing your Ob or did he just take your word for it? I don't know why but I really just don't feel like showing anyone. When in labour and pain go for it, but TBH I'm really quite embarrased which isn't like me.

Bek: babe, we all have our moments. Hope you enjoy some quite time with the girls over the next few days. Thanks for your advice, I"m lucky enough still to have a passenger in the back region too from Oliver's birth. Thankfully I don't get pain anymore. I also suspect a minor prolapse. I got my ob to check it last time and he assured me it was just 'the usual tissue stretching that occurs with vaginal birth' wow, don't I feel great. I swear I'm going to get the full fanny nip and tuck once kids are done.

Lee: for you too hun. I'm not a very outwardly emotional person even when preggas, but I have a very dear friend who basically spends the nine months going from laughing to crying at a drop of the hat. Don't beat yourself up too much, I agree on that being pregnant for so darn long is a strain on both body, and heart. Here for you hun.

Well tomorrow is a big day for us. DS1 is turing 3. I can barely believe it and like the years past the terrible memories of his labour start creeping in. About now we knew he was gone and the gels were administered at about 6.00pm. Every year we get up early and watch the sun rise because he was born at 4.52am We bake him a cake and get him a present. I'm going to get DS2 to help bake it this year. DH is taking the day off and we've decided to go to the beach and just relax, the sort of thing we would do if DS1 was still her. Each year it hurts so much, and each year I miss him even more. I have my GP appointment in the morning, couldn't get it any other time so I think I'll leave showing her my new hoo ha addition because the thoughts of having to have an exam on such a day is too tough.

The other thing is DH's family never remember. It breaks his heart each year. He was our first son, he will always be part of our family, and the people who matter will always love him. and remember him.
Spring x

[Lee]

Hi girls,

Lisa - my first thought was low blood pressure if you are dizzy when you get up? Has it settled now/gone away? If not, definately get it checked out - most likely another side-effect of pregnancy, but worth a check for sure.

Spring - big hugs for the next few days and DS1's 3rd birthday - time goes too fast doesn't it. It's always so sad when family/loved ones don't remember our angels or acknowledge our pain (I go through the same feelings each year too) and one family member even shares a birthday with Luc, so there's really no excuse for forgetting. We acknowledge your dear little man, and I wish with all my heart he was still here and could frolick at the beach with you.

Deb - I second what Spring has said. Even though you have so much happening, when I read your post and in between the lines, I thought how good you sounded, and how strong you are. Your children are very lucky to have you as their Mum, and you will get them through any dramas they may face in their lives with grace and dignity.

AFM - feeling slightly better, decided it's best not to analyse my feelings/emotions too much, does your head in - just keeping busy and getting on with spring cleaning projects before bubs comes.

Be back in again soon, hugs to all. Lee xo