Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage ~ Sep/Oct 09

[Janie]

Happy Birthday again Sage! I'm so glad you had a lovely day

BW, I hope yesterday passed without too much sadness for you. It's very hard remembering those days, and I know that looking at your little man really brings home what has been lost

Lee, oh your poor thing!!! I really wish I could help you out, you sound like you need a break. Do you have anyone close by that you can call on? I'm hoping now it's the weekend that your DH will be around to look after your bubba for you so you can rest a bit. Hang in there hun, and take it easy AMAP

Anna, phew! Although I can understand how this week will have made you clucky .

Lisa, I remember us all reassuring you, I guess I still needed it myself!

Thanks for the reassurance ladies, this stage is really doing my head in, more than the 1st trimester. If my Ob was around I would be seeing him this week, but he's on hols and I elected not to see his locum guy. I could ring up and make an appointment to pop in, but I'll see how I'm feeling after Grandma's funeral on Tuesday. Otherwise it's waiting for another 2 and a bit weeks, but then it will be scan day as well . I just need to have more positive thoughts I think, I'm worrying way too much .

[~Jayne~]

Hi Ladies,

Just popping in to wish Sage the Happiest of 2nd Birthdays. I hope he's having a ball with the swing set & trampoline & what I"m sure is a stack of other presents! Glad Mako that you go overboard like me! hahaah

*mwah*

[Janie]

OMG, I'm doing my own head in . I think I'm freaking because my tummy was growing so nicely, and now it seems smaller if anything? And I was sure I was getting flutters, but haven't noticed any for.....well, many days. A week or more? But I know it's too early, and chances are I have another anterior placenta . Feeling so good today, which is great, but not great IYKWIM........

[butterfly_warrior]

Janie, can you call the hospital and get them to check you over? Know a friend with a doppler? I know that stage is just so hard. Hang in there. But if you're really worried, get checked.

I'm doing a bit better today. I felt yesterday coming all week, but couldn't really do anything about it. Now that it's passed, I'm fine. This one always seems to get me worse than the others - partly because I didn't realise what was happening until it was all over and and kept working right through it (I took time off with my first and the third was during the holidays). It's like I have a sense of guilt because I didn't adequately mourn at the time. It's hard to explain.

Now... who wants to help me get my act together for Sam's birthday party? I'm seriously thinking of going for the easy (and somewhat corny) option of having his party in January when he was due rather than just before Christmas, but I also don't want to because this is what we're going to face forever. To make things more difficult, the house is too small and we don't have the money to do much in terms of venues... do you think the picnic/BBQ areas would be hideously crowded at that time of year (19th of December, but I'm thinking of doing the party on the 12th, maybe)? I'm thinking yes... ugh!

BW

[Janie]

BW, just do it in December hun. That's when his birthday is, and you have more chance of people being around. I know the temptation of 'well, he was due later', but you know what? By the time Sam knows about his birthday he's not going to give two hoots about when he was due, just when he was born . I don't think you need to go overboard with the party. How many will you invite? We had an afternoon tea at our house (which really was too small for that many people, but they survived ) and that worked well. Otherwise something in the park sounds great, don't stress too much about how busy they will already be, that will just add to the fun on the day . By all means, do it the week before on the 12th, but don't fret about it being near Christmas. A friend's DS was born on the 23rd, and they always do something on, or very near, the day. People always show up, despite it being so close to the big day. Who would deprive a child, just because they're born near Christmas????? Don't stress, just enjoy it hun........your little man is turning one!

[Michelle71]

BW - I refrained from responding on FB We are having Lily's party on the Sunday - the day before her birthday. I am sending out invitations this week so people can schedule it into the busy diary leading up to Christmas.

We will do the same as we did for DS - immediate family, the nuns, a great-uncle, their god-mummy and the nanny (she counts as an extra-sepcial carer ) In total (although more than Oscar's due the the number of children) there will be 25 people give or take assuming they all come. More than enough!!! We did sausages and bread rolls, chicken from Red Rooster, a few salads and cupcakes for the birthday cake / desert. Paper plates. 11am start. Nothing exciting, not too expensive and minimal work for me. The boys got to BBQ and chat so all good there too. If it is a nice day we will have chairs on the grass outside to give us more space.

1st birthdays are an important celebration ....... FOR THE PARENTS!!!!! It is recognition of the first year of parenting and having survived it. In fact, done a fine job of it!! The child is alive and well - and so are they. Mostly Make a date, send out invites and enjoy celebrating the first of many amazing years with a precious child

Janie - I wish you were here and I could do that reassurance scan for you Anterior placenta had me feeling early movement and then nothing. Not a twitch. Until after 20 weeks Did my head in too. As for looking smaller - if you aren't eating a lot because you haven't felt well, and you are pregnant with an increased metabolism, you MAY have lost your own weight as baby sucks up all the good stuff for itself!! I am home this afternoon (or on mobile at the park) if you need a sanity call

BBL. Enjoying the solitude while they sleep as I have been screaming banshee mummy this morning Need sleep and back up but have to wait until tonight. DH is at work. Toddler is being a toddler and baby just wants to be held. ALL day!!!! Or stand, because heaven forbid she should get mobile and crawl on her own!! That would be silly!!!!!

[Janie]

Michelle, you have reassured me so much!!!!! Thank you . I had really almost convinced myself of the worst . Acupuncture was wonderful though, very relaxing, and I spent most of the time visualising a healthy baby, and giving birth to it. I'm pretty sure I got ONE strong movement while I was lying there, so that's helping me to feel better. Thanks again. I would give you a call, but I'm heading out for the night, although next time I'm freaking out I know who to call!!!

I hope your night is better. I know how hard it is when DH works a Saturday, somehow weekends seem worse than weekdays.....

[Inanna]

Janie big cuddles darling heart. I truly know so well how stressful this time is.

Now you listen to me okay???

Take a deep breath - are you doing that???

Now, breath in positive thoughts, thoughts of your baby growing happily and healthily in there. Smile at that thought. Exhale all the negative breath it out...

Now you do that each time you feel stressed.

Your baby was grwoing beautifully last u/s. All was perfect. There is absolutely nothing to indicate that anything is wrong. It is normal not to feel movement. It's also normal to be less bloated after the first trimnester as all of that progesterone settles down.

I wish I could reach through this screen and hug you. But know I am here. We are here. We are all in this with you my darling. I advise you pop into that doctor & get a reassurance u/s. Just a quickie so you know things are okay. They are worth their weight in gold. I was the queen of crazy lady u/s remember!!!!

Cuddles my love...

[BekZ]

Janie- I had an anterior placenta with Eva and I felt movements around 15/16 weeks then nothing strong until 24weeks. Hugs. If it all get too much maybe go and see your ob's fill in and have a sound check.

Birthdays - I am having a combined birthday party for Sara and Loren this year. I figure next year I'll give Loren a big 3rd birthday all to herself. I just can't be bothered catering for 2 parties then Christmas then a Christeinng all with in December and January/

[Freya]

Janie. That initial part of the 2nd trimester sucks. Your sort of in limbo, your not can-still-hide-it pregnant but your not at the oh-can-tell-Im-pregnant-see/feel-those-movements part either. Im sure bub is just fine though.

Just when I thought things were better now Ripley is feeling much much healthier; Jett was up half the night babbling deliriously with a fever. It wasnt super bad but enough to make him a bit silly, so he kept crying and then telling me he loved me, then asking where Rip was, then crying again. Then he spent most of today being a complete turd and everytime Id tell him off he'd do the 'oh but Im not feeling [well] mama' with a hang dog look Bring on Daddy coming home friday or saturday. Might go get another pedicure or something.

Silly thing though..........I was thinking today about how nuts I am for wanting another bub eventually when the three lads nearly send me spare some days and suddenly had a panic at the thought of TTC again. We got so so lucky that Stellan snuck in before we'd even actively started trying and that we made it through the 1st trimester without hormone support, that I didnt have any pre term labour or PIH, he came on his own on time and it was an easy beautiful labour. Im just not sure I could take any more miscarriages, walking on eggshells waiting for something to happen; what happen if my luck runs out with the next bub and I end up having a horrible labour or something. So stupid really when said bub isnt even a guarantee yet and a long way off at that

[Willow]

I don't think it's silly at all Anna - I feel the exact same way actually! I feel like D was such a total blessing after all the heartache of trying to have L that I should just accept the blessing that he is and not push the universe for anything more! I NEEDED to have L, I couldn't imagine my life going on without another baby. D was just the absolute icing on the cake and now I am happy to stop. And totally relieved that I'll never have to deal with the emotions of trying to fall prg, the fear of m/c, the loooong 9 months hoping and praying that everything will be OK.

I swore on Christmas Day last year when we spent the day in hospital thinking we'd lost D that I would never, ever live another day like that. I swore for me and for DH and for my family. Like Michelle has said before - you know it's right when the desire for a baby outweighs the fear. For me, it doesn't any more and so I know I'm done.

Deb - Did you catch Dr S on 60 Minutes tonight??

BBL, have had a really busy weekend and should head to bed!

[mako]

Sorry I haven't been in for a couple of day...just been very busy thats all.
We went to the Zoo on Saturday and had a fantastic day. Sage loved seeing all the animals but wasn't too keen on the lizards or snakes(can't blame him really lol). It was great for him to be able to spend some quality time with his God Mother as she is going through chemo again They absolutely adore each other which is wonderful.
And then yesterday I had to go looking at new tv's as ours carked it on Friday. So annoyed as it was only 5 years old. I guess these things don't last very long these days. So DH and I are still trying to decide on what to get.

Janie How are you doing now? Have you felt any movements or been to have a "sanity"scan? I had a scan around 16 weeks just for my own piece of mind too. I've been thinking of you and am sending you a great big for tomorrow.

BW How's the Party decisions coming along? I agree with the others about getting the invites out asap and then enjoy the day with those who can make it to help YOU and DH celebrate with Sam. Its a special occasion and don't think you should postpone it til January just because he's a December Bub
Birthday parties don't have to cost a fortune either. Just BBQ some sausages and get some bread or bread rolls and some sauce, make some fairy bread for the kiddies to nibble on and its all easy to take along to the park. You can always tell everyone to bring their own drinks (most people would do that anyway I think) that way it saves you worrying about what people like.

BBL to catch up on everything else...Got to go change a smelly boy lol

[mako]

Janie Just to let you know I'm thinking of you and your family today

[Lee]

Hi girls,

Just a quickie to say hello to you all - there's that many prego hormones in here, they are still taking their toll on little ol me... so emotional and teary, bit over it and myself and everything else at the minute. How do you tell the difference between pre-natal depression and/or just tired/hormones etc??? I'm starting to think it may be more than the usual bumps of pregnancy, but don't know?

My DH has temporarily moved to the spare room and taken DD and her cot with him, so I can get some real sleep, this helps, but I'm still a basket case

Hope you are all doing better, and things settle soon

DH and I are meeting the Coroner in the morning re. our son's death - it's been nearly 3 years and the case is still not finalised - I think this has been playing on my mind too, sorry if I come in and depress everyone.... it's just so hard to live with the fact that if a few things had been done differently/correctly, he would still be here...

Lee x

[Michelle71]

Lee - I will be back later but just wanted to give you a big hug. I will source some information on ante-natal depression but to be honest, with everything going on right now and a toddler and just back from travelling, it is no wonder you are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed The coroners information will also be weighing heavily at this stage of your pregnancy.

Never apologise for "depressing us" - that is why we are here. We understand

[Spring Angel]

Lee: With everything you have going on I think it sounds like have every reason to be a bit all over the place. I'm so sorry that the Coroner is still finalising their report, I can't imagine how stressful that must be to still be going on 3 years later. But hun, you know yourself better than anyone so if you feel like you are not 'right' talk to your ob/midwife. And I'm with Michelle, don't ever feel like you can't be 100% honest. Love you warts and all hun.

Janie: Thinking of you today :hugs:

[Inanna]

I am here for cuddles too Lee. I second what Michelle said - there is so much going on it isn't surprising you are feeling the way you are. However, talk about it with your midwife/obs if you can.
Thinking of you honey...

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