Anyone considering assisted reproduction?

[flygal]

Hi all,
I have been trying for a baby with my husband for 12 months, and we are seeing a fertility specialist. I have been told I have to have a laparoscopy to treat some endometriosis, and then may need IVF...
I am really quite stressed about the process of IVF: what it will cost, how it will hurt, what's involved?
Has anyone been through this process and can they advise me please?
C.x

[Trillian]

I'm just going to move this to the Assisted conception forums.

[farmgirl77]

Hello,
Firstly, sorry to hear that you are having to move down the pathway of IVF to achieve your dream of a baby - all of us here know how stressful and difficult that is and I'm sure that you will find lots of support and advice. good luck.

As for your questions - i'll do my best to answer, but I'm sure if you have a look around the concpetion put of the forum, esp the LTTTC areas, you will find more info.

The answer to many of your questions will be 'it depends'. That is because there different approaches that may be taken that come under the broad unbrella of IVF, and depending on what you need, the type of treatment, and which clinic you go to - things can be very different.

Regarding costs, there is a good 'sticky thread' in the Long Term TTC area that will provide the best info. While treatment can be expensive, some of it is also covered by the medicare safety net (so make sure you are registered), and that can help. If you have private insurance, that can help a little to, for example day proceedures to harvet eggs. You can also ask you FS which IVF clinic they are aligned to and contact the clinic and ask for their price list.

As for what is involved, again that is a hard one as it will be different depending on the type of approach your fs takes, but in general...
1. short time on the pill to get your body to a base level
2. injections or nasal spray to stop you ovulating
3. injections to make your body produce lots of follicles - during this time you may have ultrasounds and blood tests to monitor how things are going and how your body is responding to the drugs
4. day proceedure to collect the ovum (eggs) (no more injections!)
5. collection of your partners sperm and fertilisation of your eggs
6. transfer of fertilised embryo 2-5 days after your pick up, back into you (done in the drs rooms - like a pap smear)
6b. If you have extra embryos, these will be frozen for use in a natural, or FET cycle.
7. dreaded two week wait (TWW) during which time the embryo hopfully implants and starts your little baby
8. pregnancy blood test. If this is positive then you will have further blood tests and a ultrasound at approx 6 weeks to see how things are going. If it is neg, and you have frozen embies, you can then go onto an FET after waiting for a cycle.

I think that most clinics will have a treatment overview on their website - I know Melbourne IVF do (MIVF), it may be worth having a look for more detailed info.

Does it hurt? Depends on the person. I dont worry about the injections, but the egg pick ups knock me around for a few days. Some people suffer from a OHSS which can leave you in hospital and very ill - it is a risk with IVF but more for people with Polycystic Ovary Syndrom - from what i know. For me, the hardest part of IVF is the emotional side of things, the stress and grief and upset when things dont go the way we want them to, coupled with the fact that infertility is not something spoken about alot or that fertile people understand.

I hope this helps and good luck.
FG

[flygal]

Thank you, FG, for the swift reply.
I have to say i am finding the abbreviations on this site a bit confusing, so your explanation of things has made things easier.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience. My husband is not too keen on IVF - I don't know if this is common, but it seems like it's going to be a tricky road to navigate if we end up needing to...
It's difficult to find someone to talk about these things too - my family are overseas, and none of my friends are trying/ pregnant, so it's a tough subject to try and drop into conversation!
C.x

[farmgirl77]

I always think that my dh was always about 6 months behind me in his attitude to IVF eg. when I was ready to go to see a FS, it took him approx 6 months to agree, it then took him a while to agree once IVF was our confirmed option). When we started IVF (nearly 12 months ago) i thought we would keep going till we had our baby, where as DH only wanted to do 1, and then when it did not work, 2 stim cycles. He is now thinking we will keep going till we get our baby (but according to him we are stopping at 1...i'm just giving him time to come around to the 3 that I want ).

DH is no where as strong as I am on wanting kids - if we did not have them, life for him would go on as normal - he would be sad but that is about it. At first this really bothered me, and i thought that we were just doing this because of me but then we started IVF and had to see a councillor. She was really good and explained that often men dont have the same desire/calling to have a baby - for them, until the baby is born it is a take it or leave it proposition. Then they see the baby born and cry (her words not mine!). So dont think it is unusual for your dh to take things at a different pace - i think it is normal. I guess the biggest thing is to keep talking about it and to understand how each of you are feeling...which is another good piece of advice the councillor gave us. She suggested setting aside a regular time to talk about TTC and IVF eg 10 minutes every day when you go for a walk after work etc (but not at meal times) why? well women tend to get obsessed about having a baby and go on about it all the time, often annoying the hell out of dh (hmm - i fit there), but making a regular time it stops us from doing that and also makes you decide what the really important things are that you need to say to each other are. It also make sure you do have that time to talk and think about it.

As for finding people to talk to you, I think you find out who your true friends are going thru IVF, and while your friends are not having babies can be a bad thing as they dont understand your desire to have one and the saddness that you may have trouble, it can be easier than having to deal with them talking about their own kids were they to have them. So there are upsides and downsides. I think in the end it is only those who are going through or have gone through IVF and similar that really understand the stress of this, which is where BB comes in - it is a great support.

Good luck and I hope you dont have to follow down the IVF pathway.
FG

[flygal]

You're funny. You describe my husbands stance perfectly! Maybe it is a male thing...

I agree it's isolating process to go through - I had an early miscarriage in July, and I told my friends - but people generally are so uncomfortable talking about it, I felt like I had to deal with it just between my husband and I - it's like a taboo subject outside of our marriage. Funny that - didn't realise it could feel like that. Luckily my husband was great, but I don't think he got the personal sense of failure that I felt, like my body had let me down or something. So cliche but exactly how I have been feeling.

I think what your councilor said was excellent - good advice about communication should we reach that stage. At the moment I am treading softly softly around the subject: we're at our fact-finding stage, and from Nov onwards we will see what happens...

Thanks for all your kind words, and I wish you all the best with your journey. Keep in touch.

x