Bring a plate etiquette

[Astrid]

Just wondering what other peoples' thoughts are on bringing a plate etiquette.

This has come up as we have a friend who was complaining the other day that when her husband gets together with his friends that he does not bring back any of the cake he takes. Her argument is that their DD helps to make it and she should have a slice. The 2 of us that were there argued with her that if you bring a plate that there is to be no expectation to bring any food back and if she really thinks their DD should have a slice then cut a slice and leave it with her before taking it, or bake a second cake.

So, my take on it is that if you bring a plate don't expect to take food home. If there are lots of leftovers, then leave them for the host/hostess (a perk of hosting) or share them amongst everyone else there. I would prefer someone else to take home what I bought and I take home something else.

The exception is something that is either very expensive or rare that you keep control of, such as a good bottle of port, or in our case DH's homebrew meads. A lot of work goes into one bottle, so it is not being left anywhere.

Ok, so what does everyone else think or do you have a funny bring a plate story?

**BTW Mods - it would be nice to have a etiquette section ***

[rayray]

I would never expect to take it home with me, unless the host asked people to take food home when it was time to go.
I do get a bit cranky though, at bring a plate, when the host/ess puts what I've brought in to their pantry and doesnt serve it - Ive been to a few thing (non BB related I will add!) where all the food that guests have brought has dissappeared and completely different items served..very strange..

[Tinks]

I wouldn't expect to take any of the food home either. If her DD wants a slice she should cut it up and save her a slice.

Alcohol is a different matter though. I'll quite often take a bottle of wine as a gift to the host, so if it doesn't get opened or doesn't get finished it doesn't matter. If I take something for myself to drink I will take whatever is left home.

[PinkPalace]

if you take a plate then you leave it there.
If you take wine as a gift you leave it there
if it is BYO alcohol you take it with you

[sunflowa_girlie]

TBH, I've never really thought about it! Just thinking back on past experiences though, I've always split up the leftovers between the people who are still there when I start clearing, so everyone gets a bit. But if they've come over for dinner and I've made it all, I do put it all in my fridge, because we'll use it for work the next day.

I know when my aunt used to have big parties, she would encourage everyone to take their plates, including anything on them, when they left - it just got rid of the hassle of trying to find original owners!

Interesting question!

[Sarah_H]

My only problem is with leaving my good platters / containers at people's houses & never getting them back I really must do a ring aorund to get them back LOL!

But yes I agree with PP, unless the host requests you take it home with you.

[Astrid]

I know in the case of this cake it normally gets eaten, so there is rarely a time where he would be able to take some home. There was one time when they had all travelled to see us. The table and kitchen had to be cleared so dinner could be cooked and served. So everything, no matter what it was or who bought it, was quickly packed up and shoved in the fridge or pantry just to get it out of the way. Later the husband made a huge drama about finding the last piece of this cake, DH actually felt quite upset by it and we were quite annoyed with the husband as it was just a slice of cake! It was not done in a "BTW where did the cake go" kind of way, but in a "I must get it back!!" way. So now we feel a bit guilty as we now know he was being hassled by his wife to get it back

Rayray - I do notice that some host/esses are odd. I find some will only put out the homemade food and if you bring a packet of biscuits they leave it unopened at the back of the table. So often at the end of the gathering it is still unopened.

[DoubleK]

i would be more worried about my serving plate than the food! i think its just a hassle of you leave your 'plate'.

as for the food, i wouldnt expect to take any left overs home, but if the host offered i would either just take it, or ask if anyone else wants it.

if it were me, i'd ask whoever bought it if they want the food- let them decide! at DD's first birthday, we had so much food left over (which was all supplied by me, mum and MIL) i offered it to people to take home (more so my single uncle, and my nan, as she doesnt do much cooking)

[cookiemonster]

Urgh I agree with the others, I get annoyed when people ask me to take my food home... I just want my platter back...

but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks!
Sorry, rant LOL!

[Rivlas]

We have just been to a function where it was bring a plate. I made some slices and just put a bit of each on the plate. When it was time to go there was only a couple of pieces left as they were tipped onto another plate and I took home a clean plate. I know the salads that were leftover the owners took them home also. I have noticed that if you make a salad and its in your bowl you will bring home the leftovers.
I have learnt over the years never to leave the bowl/plate behind as it sometimes takes forever to get it back, then find you need it the next week.

[Hollo]

i agree, dont expect to take any home. clear left overs off your plate to take plate home. take left over drinks if its BYO. something that annoys me is when you bring a plate and there is soooo much food that what you bought hardly gets touched, then they tell you to take it home. its annoying, cause i put thought, effort and money into bringing it so i may as well have not bothered, i'd rather they keep it.

[Glamourcide]

I tend to make sweet/dessert things to take to 'bring-a-plate' do's... I notice most other people make salads etc, and I fancy myself as a pretty good 'sweet' cook (all that practice I do feeding my sweet tooth lol) so I like to contribute to the dessert part of the meal...
I don't expect to bring any food home with me, if there are leftovers I just ask the host/ess to pop it into another container to keep in their fridge/share it around with everyone else to take home so I can get my plate back, that's all I worry about. It's a pain in the neck leaving plates at people's houses because inevitably it all gets jumbled up with their kitchen stuff and you never get it back, and I feel bad about leaving plates for someone else to wash up hahhaa

So yeah, if the host/ess says, 'Oh, there's some of this cake left, do you want to take it home with you?' I'm happy to do that, otherwise I just say, 'pop it on one of your plates and I'll take mine with me to save you the washing up'. If I want to get treats at home, I'll make up double batches of the slice/pie/cake/whatever and leave it at home for DH and DD to have the next day. I'd feel really rude about insisting on bringing any leftovers home with me, I leave it up to the host to offer.

[Astrid]

I have some cheaper plastic platters and bowls. So if I am concerned that I wont get my plate back, then I use one of those.

I prefer people to take their platter with them, as I always stress about their stuff in my cupboard and finding a chance to return it.

[olive]

if i take food i always leave the leftovers there and just take the plate home!!
my family on other hand take whats left home, my mum did it to me yesterday when she bought over a coles mudcake, handed it to me and promptly said 'i'll take whats left home thankyou very much' thats very typical of my family which i find quiet sad

[tk1999]

Agree with many of the PPs - on the ettiquette (ie leave leftovers) and also the hassle of getting your plate back lol. If I were this woman I would just make two cakes... one for party and one for DD.

We have often done this because we end up wanting more of what we made the next day etc so it is just easier to make 2 batches.

[danniellabella]

The food stays unless the host asks you to take it. If you want your platter then ask the host before you leave if they have another dish that the food can be transferred into so you can take your platter/bowl etc home. This also gives the host the opportunity to tell you that you can take the left over food with you if you want.

[Astrid]

Originally Posted by cookiemonster

but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks!
Sorry, rant LOL!

There was a great discussion ages ago about BYO meat for bbq's, it was very interesting as it touched on the whole is it ever ok to ask someone to bring food. Wonder if it is still around?

[Rouge]

I LOVE pot luck I find its a great way to get interesting recipes, and share them obviously. And it makes it more fun. I never expect to take things home, but I always offer to send someones food home with them. I'm always being sure to give platters back at the time too and I'll always ask for mine back as well LOL!

The only thing I find hard with our group is because we have quite a few with dietary requirements its often better for me to make the food so there is enough to go around, because even the meat eaters like vegetarian/vegan and then those with food requirements end up with nothing. And to avoid this I tend to make the vegetarians go first, kids next then adults can help themselves. I'm only a little bit of a control freak