Things that work

[~kellie~]

mmmm, can't think of any at the moment, but will try to come up with some!

great thread idea!

[Jennifer13]

When she's having a 'moment' or has completely melted down I ask her if she wants a hug. It often works as she learns to deal with the emotions she's feeling. (Doesn't mean she gets what she wants if I've said no, but at least she feels better).

I 'race' her to do things she doesn't want to do. Need to get in the car seat? Who can get in the quickest? Time for toilet/bath/sit at the table. I'll race you to it!

She needs to pack away her toys herself (Mummy helps if necessary) or they get put away somewhere she can't make a mess with them. I also find that making a game of packing toys away helps (where are all the yellow toys, stuffed toys, cars, dolls, etc, etc).

A washing hamper of her own in her bedroom encourages her to put her dirty clothes in there (she's got a funky elephant one from the cheapy shop).

Bath crayons are a great incentive to have a bath.

I agree with choices too - bath or shower, which plate to eat off, which cup, toast or weet-bix (or both), which dolly or teddy to take in the car with us, which undies/socks/shirt/pants (but don't get me started on dresses and skirts, she'll change her mind a few times and has very definite ideas there!), etc.

I treat her with respect, she's a person with her own needs/desires and she has every right to communicate them to me. I should consider her needs and recognise that for many things she has no say in what happens.

The other thing that really works for me was to read up on emotional development, so that I have an understanding of why she does things or behaves in a certain way. I love the analogy that I wouldn't be cross with her if she was learning to walk and stumbled, so why would I get upset with her when she's still learning how to control her emotions?

[rubibaby]

i am loving this thread...
dh and i first got ds1 to brush his teeth by bringing his favourite animals into the bathroom for him to brush their teeth first and then his...this also works for bathtime. we throw different toys in the bath every night. ds1 loves washing and cleaning his animals and toys.

[rubibaby]

oops...forgot to say that we also follow the 'choices' path. i feel very strongly that ds1 is his own person with his own feelings, wants, needs and desires and it is important for dh and i to recognise them.

we never yell, shout or raise our voices at each other or at ds1...and when i think a meltdown is approaching i am even calmer and bring myself to his level and speak to him in a very calm manner eye to eye...

i treat him with respect as i want him to respect me and others in return. that may sound silly at such a young age, but i do not think he is too young to learn respect.

dh and i remind ourselves all the time the importance of patience with ds1. it takes them so much longer to complete a task and we recognise that and allow him the time to finish his tasks...

[Meo]

This is a great thread.

I was just reading one of the BB articles on smacking and remembered a scenario from when I was a kid (I don't have kids yet).

I used to have great difficulty in controlling the urge to hit my younger siblings (yupp, I was smacked a LOT as a child, although mum will tell you I deserved it ) so for a while there, whenever they were annoying me and I got the urge to lash out, I'd tickle them instead. It's hard to stay mad when everyone's laughing.

[alioops]

Excellent thread Krys!!

DD1 gets to choose her bed time story, and we tell her to go to the toilet before we put her night nappy on. She also puts her own rubbish in the bin.

The girls feed the dog. I think it teaches them that they need to look after him, and it also teaches him that they are boss. Sarah is still learning to get close enough to get him to sit for his dinner.

We try to give them responsibilities that encourage them to be more independant, but not beyone their ages. DD1 now has permission to get up first in the morning and play quietly, on the condition that she doesn't go into DD2's room. When she goes into DD2's room she has to go back into her room and stay there.

We are sticklers for manners though. If the manners dont get used there is no chance of them getting what they asked for.

[Nadine216]

With winter coming, it's once again time to get out the hairdryer at night

So to get dd to sit still while I dry her hair, I let her comb her doll's hair and I blow some of the hot air on the doll's hair too ... just to make it more real. SOMETIMES, but this does not work as well, I give her a book to read while I dry her hair.

Also to get her to stand still while applying some cream to her body, I put some in my hand and then I put my one creamy hand on her tum and the other one on her back and quickly rub up and down while I say: "BRRRRRRRRRR" Same with the arms and legs. To be honest, every second week I need a new distraction to get her to let me apply cream.

[alicia]

Alioops we are big on responsibility here too (already). DD checks the mailbox and brings in the mail. She helps with the dishwasher (as much as she can). She puts away her toys (with help). I was reading the giving toddlers 'jobs' helps to build their self esteem and sense of worth, and it seems to work that way with DD, she loves helping and gives herself a clap whenever she finishes one of her jobs

[krysalyss]

We recently gave DS' dummy away and prepared him by talking to him for a couple of weeks that soon we would say bye bye to the dummy and put it in the bin. So the day after he turned two we gathered them all up and he put them in the bin and was so proud of himself. We all clapped and gave him big cuddles. So far (5 days) he has been good and when he forgets and asks for it we remind him we said bye bye and he says 'bin!'.

But someone else got their DD to use it as money to buy a 'my little pony'. It was all arranged with the shop before. The little girl chose the pony and gave the shop assistant the dummy as payment. She even got 50c back. I thought that was a good idea too.

[Jennifer13]

We gently weaned DD's dummy as well, just before two years. It was almost by accident, I forgot to give it to her for nap time and one day and wondered why she took longer to go to sleep, but since she didn't ask and wasn't upset I figured she didn't need it. So we went without for nap times the entire week before taking it away at night as well. First night she was absolutely exhausted after a big day and there were very few complaints. Second night she complained (not really upset) for 10 minutes, but was then fine. That was it, no dummy ever again. She asked once or twice, but not really fussed.

And we only ever gave her the dummy for sleeping, even as a very small baby.

[sneakysparkle]

I just thought of something else that has been really helpful!

When we are getting in/out of the car I get DD1 to stand on the white line
It means she has a little bit of freedom, but will (nearly) always be safe! Even in a busy car park! Its great.

[LoriRae]

Loving those dummy-getting-rid-of ideas

I find giving ds some warning of what we're doing avoids tantrums. I tell him 5 minutes, then two minutes, before bed time, bath time, before the tv goes off, before we leave the house, etc. He seems to cope with stopping his favorite actvities much better if he knows what's coming.

And I'm big on choices and natural consequences at the moment. "You can hold mummy's hand and walk, or sit in the pram and I'll push you". If he throws his balls out to the dog, then they're gone and they don't come back at all (awwww, I know- a bit mean!).

If anyone has any ideas for teeth brushing, I would love to hear them...

[Jennifer13]

DD holds the handle on her car door when she's getting in and out of the car. I speak to her about how dangerous it can be in car parks and because my tone and attitude must change when I speak to her about safety issues she respects me and takes it seriously.

I don't tell fibs to her, no matter how small. So if I am not going to take her to the bakery for a slushie when she asks, I don't tell her it's because they're closed or they've 'run out' if that's not true. I expect to be responsible for my decision to say 'no' and deal with the consequences. She is learning that I tell the truth. I'm not trying to get off the hook for being the bad guy if I don't want or need to do something. I'll give her my reason, and that's that.

She never gets in trouble for telling the truth. If something is broken or I find a mess left somewhere, I ask her who is responsible and she tells me if it's her. I thank her for her honesty and tell her that it isn't nice to leave a mess for someone else to clean up and could she please tidy it up now? I figure if she's in trouble for telling the truth then what will happen down the track if I ask her about something that is really important? I also know that I (or her teacher) can trust her if she says it wasn't her that did something. She has never been shown a reason to lie (even though I know she's capable LOL because she told her first fib at 18 mths!). It was because of this early ability to deceive that I really focused on helping her tell the truth.

[PrincessXanthe]

[krysalyss]

I just remembered another dummy one:
My SIL used this one.
Her oldest DD (5) lost her first tooth and second DD (2.5) still had her dummy and was very very attached. They told her that the tooth fairy would come and take DD1's tooth and her dummy and they would each get some money. And amazingly she adjusted really well.
As we also gave up DS's dummy around 2 I can really see the value in waiting this long to say goodbye to it (provided of course they aren't waking up all the time overnight after dropping it!). They tend to remember what happened to it and understand more that it is really gone.

[heliana]

for toothbrushing (although it seems to be a stage they go through- dd is fine now), I used to pretend there was an animal in her mouth and we had to brush him out, like, look, there's a kangaroo up there on the top teeth, lets brush him out... then Im allowed to brush and then he hops back to the bush, but then there's a hippo over there... etc.
That worked for a while, then we made up tooth brushing songs about how wide she could 'ahhh'
Then we got one of the electric toothbrushes and called it mr tickle, which worked really well.
Once she was old enough I explained why we had to brush them (I may have said at one stage we have to brush them or they will get black and rotten although better than my friend, she told her daughter if she didn't brush them a worm would come and eat them hehe)
Anyway, mainly I always tried to avoid it becoming a power struggle and keep it fun.

The only other thing that I can think of at the moment that really worked is the sling. Makes shopping centres easy, markets easy, travel easy. As long as its a good one thats comfortable to wear. I got my ergo out the other day for my three year old and it was still good.

Great thread buy the way