Everyone HAS to read this book...

[BellyBelly]

:P Bath yeah I am a shocker, when I play when I am tired I often put the first word down I think of and think, 'bah that will do' LOL!!!

Sorry off topic now... I think I will go to bed when the kids do tonight, the kids were a handful yesterday after a pancake parlour party and lolly bags came with a bag of fairy floss I'll let you imagine the rest, at 3.30pm.... No more lolly bags for my kids!

[Liz]

I love lolly bags - I eat them all! DS doesn't know what lollies are yet LMAO.

[sunshine_sieben]

Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that I ordered the book from Amazon (US) ages ago and kept getting messages that it will be shipped soon. Then a couple of days ago they sent me an email saying that they can't seem to track down a copy and my order has been cancelled. So needless to say, I'm not too impressed (I could have read it by now). But at least I didn't get charged.
After all of this I wanted to do what Kelly suggested and support Belly Belly by ordering it from the online shop. But I can't seem to access the shop, I keep getting this message: "The license for this cart is not valid.
If you are the owner of this cart, you should contact Gate13 for more information". I just thought you should know this so you can address this problem.

Cheers, Sasa

[BellyBelly]

I am aware of the problem, sorry folks, I meant to fix it Friday but was held up all day in meetings and at the council for the pregnancy centre stuff - I will get straight onto it tomorrow AM, I do apologise, I have them in stock, and the shop should be up and running around 9.30 tomorrow I guess? I will ring them spot on 9am!!!

[Mayaness]

Your local ABA group may well have a copy in their library You just need to subscribe first and for $50 a year, that's a lot of books you don't have to buy!

[Louky]

Hi,

I just bought this book on this recommendation and have to say it is a FANTASTIC book. It really helps explain a lot of the gut instincts I have about how I want to parent and the advice it gives is excellent.
Thanks very much for the recommendation!

[QueenMab]

I got this for cheep cheep on ebay - it is soooooo interesting & enlightening - every parent should read it, thanks for the recommendation Kelly.

[meow]

I bought this book off Kelly and my sister read it and shared it with me while she was here- bless her cause I'm too tired to read at the moment! So based on excellent summaries and my snippets of reading I think it's a great book... overall.

I am HUGELY disappointed however with the "All about discipline" chapter. Can everyone please tear it out and disregard it?! I think the science it's based on is flawed (in actual fact I think most of this chapter is based on the author's experience and not science at all)... children appear to respond to rewards and punishments but it's not actually a good outcome as you are teaching them to be controlled by outside stimulus rather than learning right from wrong for themselves so they can apply it to all situations even when you're not there. And I hate sticker charts with a passion! The judgements implied in this chapter can be dangeous- deciding when your child has 'calculated [their] hurting or spoiling' can be difficult and you need to be mindful that they may not have been as calculating as you think, or they may have had their reasons which to them justify the actions so it's better to find these out rather than label them as naughty.

I'd really recommend replacing this chapter with Louise Porter's "Children are people too"... she uses her research as a child pysch to explain how rewards and punishments (including smacking, time out etc) DON'T work and she offers heaps of great suggestios for dealing with inconsiderate beahvaviour and teaching children emotional control.

[Bathsheba]

Interesting point about the discipline chapter Ren I tend to agree. I've never been a fan of sticker charts either. I know a lot of people swear by them but I personally think that somethings (like bed-wetting) need to be delved into a bit more deeply and a sticker or lack of one doesn't really correlate for the child. I know my son simply prefers a dry bed and that is reward enough in itself. He is 4yo and only wet the bed in extenuating circumstances: either we have forgotten to take him to the toilet at about 10pm before we go to bed ourselves, or he is sick, or he was out of routine in some other way. So about half a dozen times in all. A relative of mine had a problem with bed wetting and it turned out to be a physiological problem with the urinary tract... imagine if that child had to endure a sticker chart for something beyond her control. Just my opinion, don't wish to start a debate. It's the same with eating a meal. I don't reward it. A child doesn't want to be hungry... feeling satisfied is reward enough in itself. Stickers might be "fun" and it's great to be able to make your child smile but I think it's better (once again JUST my thoughts) that we encourage our children to enjoy the inherent reward rather than an artificial one. I say "artificial" because a sticker is a replacement reward... a symbol of a reward... not a good feeling in itself... just representational of a good feeling.... too separate from the real thing for me.

Thanks for suggesting that other title too Ren. I'll check it out

[Mayaness]

I agree with everything you said, Bath. There is a book written especially about inherent rewards and being valued for the child's self, not what they 'do', and it's called Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. It's awesome and really picks to bits the 'logic' behind rewards and punishments. I've actually just lent it to my childcare centre's director, to further inform and modify their guidance note on 'time out' - they don't actually like TO and have only got the note there as a last resort, so I couldn't help but put my two cents in, just so that they know that TO won't work with DS, at least, cos we won't ever be using it.

[heliana]

mummy brain strikes again lol

[heliana]

Hello, sorry I just realised I posted that last review in the wrong spot. Whoops! No idea where I meant to post it now though, oh well
Kelly thanks so much for recommending this book, I got it and its great. I love the scientific basis and the fact that it proves what feels right is right. Wish I had it when I was going to mothers group and they were all ganging up to tell me I had to do controlled crying.
I really found the section on parents health good too. I'm a single parent, and I have been really struggling this year, just feeling exausted and burnt out. It was really helpful for myself to read the last chapter and realise how important it is for me to have adult social contact (and it goes into the chemicals in your brain and how they are effected).
Anyway, I would recommend it too. I bought it off fishpond, its a soft cover. If anyone is in Brisbane I saw it at DFO outlet books for $15! Hardcover. Im going to go back and get on for dd's father.

[Mayaness]

I'm actually collecting my copy tonight, from my friend who's selling them for $30 I'm going to lend it straight out to my cousin, who has been lent that Contented Little Baby rubbish for a baby who doesn't even need it (too sleepy is this 2 week old's problem!), and if he was an unsettled baby, certainly wouldn't benefit short or long term from the 'book' (but as long as mummy is getting a full 12 hour sleep, who cares what the baby's going through ).
Obviously, at 2 weeks, she won't be needing that section yet and I'm going to get it back from her before it's tempting to read it and give her a Louise Porter (thanks, Ren, I've got a library copy and will consider it for my own collection as a purchase!) or Alfie Kohn book

[Cazzie]

I was so interested to read this book having seen all the positive endorsements on here, that I rang up Dymocks yesterday morning to see if they had one in. I was reluctant to pay $45 but also too impatient to wait weeks for Amazon to deliver! Anyway Dymocks had one left, the lady found it on the specials table and it was reduced to $14.95!!!! Absolute bargain. So if anyone is looking for it, it might be worth ringing up your local Dymocks or other bookstore and seeing if they have the book on sale.

Have read a few chapters already and it is really, really fascinating and makes so much sense. So now when well meaning friends and relatives tell me that my baby will be spoilt, held too much, clingy etc....I can throw a bit of science at them to back up my theories & instincts!

[tenar]

I just want to add to this thread that I think this book is wonderful!

The edition I have has a different title. It's a revised version, published as "What every parent needs to know". By Margot Sunderland, obviously. I think I ordered it from Amazon UK after a friend recommended it. It's the kind of thing you'd want to have to hand to refer to often as your children grow.

I love the way the author explains the research that is improving our understanding of how children's brains develop. This helps me to understand why I want to do the things I want to do naturally, like not ever to leave my baby crying.

Other books I think are excellent:

The Wonder Weeks (brain development)
Baby Talk (language development)
Babylove (general useful information and reference)

I refer to all of these regularly.