Just Need to Vent......

[kitty_kat_48]

Hi everyone (my apologies if this ends up being really long),

I am totally and utterly devastated and majorly depressed at the moment so I just need to vent about what happened yesterday, I don't mind if no one replies, it's just that I havent' told anyone yet so I need to let it out somewhere! Hope you don't mind!

I had my "final" counselling appointment at the clinic I'm using yesterday, as I was meant to be starting DI in less than 2 weeks, so I was really excited thinking everything would just run smoothly and we would just talk about general stuff and it would all be totally great! Boy was I completely wrong. It turns out that first of all the clinic stuffed up because when I rang to make the counselling appointment they were meant to ask me to bring my dad along (because I am under 25 and that's their policy) for the meeting but they didn't, so I went along by myself. The counsellor rang my dad while we were in the meeting and talked to him a bit and it turns out Dad is worried that everything has gone so fast (I was only on the waiting list for 6 months instead of 12!) and because he said he was worried the counsellor has to take that into account and actually meet up with him face to face to talk about his worries etc. So that means we all have a meeting together next week which isn't that bad, I could have handled that because I probably would have still been able to start this month.

BUT it turns out that the clinic also stuffed up in the first place by even telling me that I had got to the top of the list and letting me choose my donor because they didn't check with the counsellor to see if everything was finalised first, so I should never have chosen a donor and never have even thought that I would be starting DI this month at all. Plus I have a history of depression and the counsellor can't get in touch with my doctor so I am going to have to go and see a psychiatrist to get a report to say I'm not freaking crazy!! Not really....just to say that I am ready to be a mum and mature enough etc etc (if they think I am of course). So the psychiatrist report might be able to fast track me a bit if it all comes back ok, but basically the counsellor said that I might end up having to wait until April next year like I was originally supposed to which is just devastating because I was totally prepared to start this month and indescribably excited about it, and to have it all taken away is just crazy! It was fine when I was able to think that I had to wait the whole year on the waiting list..... I could deal with that, but then when they give you a donor and tell you you can start soon it gets your hopes up a lot and then to be told you actually can't start that soon is just ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

I really haven't explained this well at all, but the thing that annoys me the most is that if I hadn't asked for a last appointment with the counsellor when they rang me up to tell me I could have a donor, they never would have known she wanted to see me again before I started and I would be starting in 2 weeks time and everything would be fine.

God I am sooooooooooooo angry and frustrated and depressed and sad and everything else you can think of! So thanks for reading my little rant and I'm sorry if none of it made sense!!

Jess

[Arimeh]

Aww I'm sorry to hear that Jess, thats awful to have that taken away.

Hopefully it all falls into place for you soon.

Good luck!!

[Deltadawn]

Hi Jess

What is DI if you dont mind me asking? I'm guessing it stands for Donor something and that you were going to receive donor sperm?

The whole system sounds stuffed up, what is wrong with being under 25? I can understand under 18 and even under 21 but 25 sounds a bit over the top.

I hope your Dad was just caught unawares by the phone call and he can have a better prepared response when it comes time for his meeting.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for you soon.

[Lulu]

What a blow, that's icky.

Hopefully the time will fly by until you start xoxoxoxoxo

[~Leasha~]

Jess, so sorry to hear that it isn't gonig as smoothly as you like. I promise that once you are pregnant, the pre-TTC and everything will seem like a distant memory, and once you are pregnant you'll be amazed at how quickly everything has happened

Maybe you could start a TTC project? Shel and I each started a cross-stitch to make into a blanket for DD when we were TTC, it really gave us something to focus on, just a reminder that it would happen, even if it isn't happening right at this very instant. (it is still yet to be finished BTW, once the ball started rolling you'll be surprised how much time you DON'T have once you are pregnant and become a mum lol).

[kitty_kat_48]

Thanks so much everyone
Tonydayl DI is donor insemination, so yep I am getting donor sperm. I'm not sure what's wrong with being under 25 - they just don't seem to have very many young people going there I don't think. The counsellor said that if it all goes ahead with me (which it will damn it!!) then I am going to be the youngest person that she has seen in 12 years to get donor sperm! My dad is actually ok with it all, he was just concerned that things were moving so fast whereas I was so excited that they were going fast and just wanting to get on with it!
Leasha, that is a really nice idea, thank you! I am into knitting so I might even start some knitting projects!
I'm sure it will all work out and thank you so much for all your kind thoughts!
Jess

[Nurse27]

Hey Jess,

Sorry to hear about you being stuffed around. I am pretty sure that they don't have any right to insist that you Dad takes part in everything. Given that you are an adult, and that you have the right to privacy, they should not have the balls to ask his opinion on things. As a nurse I find it quite bizarre they have done that...

We have also had a crap day - after being told that our out of pocket costs for IVF treatment would be less than $2000, it was revealed to us today that there is a hidden cost of $10 K that is non medicare refundable, so that has certainly rained on our parade

Hopefully things run smoothly for you now

K & J

[kitty_kat_48]

Hey K & J,
Wow I'm so sorry to hear about what happened for you guys...... I don't even know what to say, I can't imagine how horrible that must be to hear! I hope you are somehow able to work it all out
And yeah, I find it strange that the clinic I'm using asks the parents to come along for a meeting and be involved too, but apparently it's their "policy" so I just have to go with it. It's definately not just me either, they do it for all people under 25 who go through the clinic. The counsellor said they are considering making the clinic only available to people over 21 anyway!

Jess

That really sucks big time Jess, especially when you were so excited. I'm hoping things run more smoothly for you from here on in. Good luck!

[mrsmac]

I can't believe you have to get your dad's permission if you are under 25! That seems so ludicrous I had my 1st child younger than that and didn't have to ask permission of anyone so why are you prejudiced against?

[kitty_kat_48]

Yeah I dunno, it ****es me right off too, especially because there are so many other people way younger than me out there getting pregnant, and a lot of them don't even want to have babies, whereas I've been working towards this for what feels like forever now and I want it more than anything and yet it's harder for me to get! So annoying!!

[~Leasha~]

It sucks... I *think* my clinic ask a parent to be present at the counselling session if you are single and under 25... it has so many flaws like... what if you and your parents aren't on speaking terms, or something like that? I can see why, in theory, they think its important (just making sure you have support and all that) but still its not exactly practical.

[kitty_kat_48]

Yep I do understand that that's why they do it, they just want to know I really do have lots of family support and everything like that, but I have already listed everyone in my family for them that I know are going to be there to support me so I don't understand why they can't just believe me and take my word for it, but I guess they have to make sure the baby really will be ok and stuff. But then if they are doing that why don't they just meet my entire family? lol

[~Leasha~]

My FS explained that they have to answer to an ethical board about all cases, and so they have to make sure that if they have to justify why they treated someone that they can say "well, look, we did this and this and this to make sure that this person was ready and had the support". It's their reputation and practices on the line. I don't think it discrimination, just legally and ethically they have to be 110% sure about it...
I know it seems silly, and I think in a way it is because if you've made the decision to do it through a clinic then thats really showing a certain maturity I think to do it 'properly' instead of just randomly choosing some guy and using his sperm...
But anyway, its not really an issue as your dad is supporting you? So its not really in jepardy, just a bit delayed?

[kitty_kat_48]

Yeah I understand that Leasha It does all make sense! And yeah my dad is fully supporting me so it's just the frustration of having been told it was happening this month but then being told it might be another 6 months away. I'm just complaining really!!

[DrGirl72]

Hey Jess, I certainly understand the frustration of the waits/delays etc involved in working with reproductive medicine groups! I have just explained some of my journey/frustrations in another post within g and l pregnancy section. I also have question for Nurse27 re the $10K hidden cost you recently discovered as we are in Adelaide on the IVF/ICSI path and this is news to me.. am now slightly worried that we've miossed a significant cost..can you please enlighten me..ta

[Macca79]

Im really sorry to hear that things could be set back for you. I don't know if it is worth it but would mentioning to the counselor that your upset about how things have been handled be of any benefit. Let him/her know that the things you are being told are not in line with their policy and that is the cause for any frustration that your feeling. It stand to reason that how you have been treated would make you frustrated. It sounds like a whole lot of misinformation and inconsistency on their part, things that have been out of your hands.

Good luck and I really hope you don't have to wait long to start DI.

[kitty_kat_48]

Hey Macca,
Yeah I think I will talk to her about how I'm feeling about it all. She knew I was pretty angry and upset when I left the meeting with her last week, and she said it was totally understandable that I was, but yeah I might chat to her some more about it this Thursday when I see her. Yeah it was definately the clinic that stuffed up and did misinform me, but at the same time I know people make mistakes and I'm sure they didn't mean to do it all on purpose! So I am trying not to get too angry about it or anything.