Good/bad experiences with hospital staff due to being in same sex relationship

[miskilla]

Hey all... I've just come home from the doctor where I had a blood test to check hcg levels. gotta go back in 48hours for another blood test to check the levels have risen. Apparently this is just routine as there is no reason for it...
Anyway, the doctor knows we are in a same sex relationship and have conceived by at home insemination using a donor. When he was writing out my referral for the hospital he asked what I'd like put in it about the father, suggesting we write that we dont know who the father is, to maybe tell the hospital that I'm bisexual and had random sex to get pregnant! I couldn't believe it and asked why cant I just say I used a donor and he was rambling something about you need the forms etc for having gone through IVF or IUI if using a donor... what the?? To which I replied, it isn't illegal to get pregnant in the comfort of your own home, using a donor! He agreed and left out the father part completely and has left it up to me to tell them.
This did however get me thinking... how are the nursing staff, midwives, doctors going to react and treat us once they know our situation. I know they cannot descriminate in any way or be rude, refuse care etc... but I'm wondering if we get stuck with someone who is not keen on it they may not be as nice and all that jazz, which could make the whole experience a nightmare.
So.. I'm wondering if anyone has had any good/bad experiences with hospitals being a same sex couple having a baby? We are in Adelaide and now I'm trying to decide where to even go! Thanks guys x

[~Leasha~]

Oh my gosh thats terrible!

We went through a clinic, but honestly had no dramas. We told the Gp (who gave us a referral to the hospital) and we told the hospital that we were in a same-sex relationship, used a donor, and that was it. The rest of the details aren't really their business, it is important that you know the donors blood type (in case its negative... not really sure about the Rh neg stuff as it wasn't an issue for me) I think but thats about it.

Of course, there are going to be those who aren't professional, and if you come across them you do NOT have to put up with it. You can asked to be taken out of their care, and make a formal complaint.

I hope this is the last of your negative experiences That is terrible, and I'm sorry someone even suggested that too you. Thats disgusting really.

[squidipa]

thats awfull and down right rude, i would have been gobsmacked!!!!

the neg blood grouping stuff leasha was talking about is important to know but more so i THINK if the mother is a neg group like myself i am negative so i need a injection through the pregnancy and one after if baby si opposite blood group. This is to stop my body from thinking baby is some type of infection, or else the body will do what it's designed to do with infections. Also if you are negative you need to be careful if you have spotting to go to hospital with in a few hours if light or sooner if obviously heavy to get a injection. The mothers blood and babies blood cant mix when they are neg and positive. Hope this makes sence

i would be putting in a complaint about that dr if i were you.

hope ya dont mind me posting

[Marydean]

That's terrible! It sounds like you're new to SA (?) I'm just wondering if a woman-centred health service like Women's Health Statewide that might be able to provide you with some starting points for a) finding a good hospital, but also in the longer term finding a lesbian-aware GP that you can attend on a regular basis. I know they have a feminist framework and both of their Southern and Northern Women's Health services provide support for same-sex attracted women, so they might have some useful info for you. Good luck!!!

[rhyb]

Thats disgusting. Im not in a same sex relationship but the hospital thinks I am cz my best friend Hollie has come to my ultrasounds and shes always called my wife lol. We stopped correcting them. I hope you get better treatment next time darl.

[Nurse27]

Hey guys

Congratulations again on your pregnancy

Are you looking at going through public, or private hospital?

As far as my experiences with medical services I have had no trouble because Jay is always with me whenever we go to the doctor/hospital/health clinic, and I clearly introduce her as my partner.

In the last 12 months I have been to the doctor/hospital/health clinic probably 100 times for tests, procedures, and appointments, and have not struck anyone who has even hinted that they might not be comfortable with my relationship. I have been trained to read body language of people for my work, and have not even detected any issue.

It may have been the first time your GP has had any association with a lesbian pregnancy that has been conceived at home privately, so they didn't handle it well, but trust me, they will likely have reflected on it, and use it as a learning experience of what not to do next time.

The GP that we saw for referrals to Flinders IVF had never had anything to do with lesbian conception before, and was kind of nervous about it, but we gave him the opportunity to ask us questions about it, so that he could learn for the next time he had girl/girls come in and ask for help in getting pregnant, and he really appreciated it.

Maybe contact PINK PARENTS and see if they have any suggestions/recommendations for you both. i know they have a list of same sex friendly obstetricians on their website, which might help influence your decision on which hospital to go to

Good Luck!

[DrGirl72]

Hi Miskilla, Another congratulations to you and DP on your pregnancy. I am also in Adelaide and am happy to share some of my experiences. My first two children ( who are now 11 and almost 9 years old) were both born at WCH. My ex-DP was the birth mother for both of them so my expereince was as the non-birth mother. We had really good care with WCH and did not experience any homophobia. We also conceived both boys at home using a known donor and the method of conception/identity of donor was never raised during any of ou antenatal/postnatal care. We were both times booked to go through the birth centre but both times ended up with emergency caesarians. Like Nurse27 we attended all appts together and were clear from the beginning that we were a couple and the child's parents. I was a little anxious at the time 9especially the fist time) as to whether we would encounter much homophobia but did not (well not overt anyway!). I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and this time we are going to birth at Ashford (we needed the help of IVF to conceive but again using our own, known donor). We have a private obstetrician amd a doula.. so far so good re these issues. I also know a number of lesbian couples in Adelaide who have had their children at Ashford and been happy with the experience. Great to have another Adelaide lesbain around the raps, hope this is useful and more than happy to chat more if you would like, feel free to PM me, Girldoc

[Sally2]

We have never had anything negative directed towards us as two Mum's, including during the 11 weeks at Mercy with Charlie when he was first born. All the way along, we were both treated as equal parents and both encouraged to care for him.
I'm not sure what we would have done had anything negative been said, particularly when he was so fragile ( as were we !! ) but remember that all medical staff are now actually trained in embracing diversity in their patients, so it would be more unusual than common to have someone say something inappropriate.
Being upfront helps too, even when we aren't always comfortable 'coming out' to everyone we meet, we want to make sure Charlie is never given the impression that there is anything to hide by having two mum's. Unfortunately, this meant the other day telling the fish and chip lady in front of a busy shop that Charlie had two mum's and we were lesbians quite funny now but embarrassing at the time !!
Congratulations again on your pregnancy! When do we get to see a ticker???

[miskilla]

Hey everyone! Wow you all have great points and seems you all had pretty positive experiences. Thank you so much for all the replies. I'm not actually new to SA, I just can't decide on a hospital. We had lived in Gawler and I really wanted to go there but now we're closer to Lyell Mac. I've heard so many good things about LM but really love Gawler and the idea of being closer to the 'country' hehe. We'll see, the doc gave me a number I need to call asap to get booked in for hospital care. I still haven't done it, but I'll check if Gawler is possible. My 10yr old son was born at WCH, I was with his father at the time, but we're too far now and I doubt I'd go back after last time.

Oh so I called on Thursday to get the results of my hcg levels. I was put through to the nurse who was a bit confused about what I was after. She proceeded to tell me my hcg levels were 41, which sent me into a spin for the next 24hrs worried something was wrong. Yesterday I went in for my app and the doc tells me my levels are through the roof and all is looking perfect. He was horrified that the 'senior' nurse had told me the wrong numbers and went and spoke to her. I told him I didn't mind I was just so relieved, but he spoke to her anyway. My follow up bloods yesterday were perfect too so hopefully its smooth sailing from here.

The last day or 2 I have woken up feeling a little sickie so I'm wondering if the sickness is starting to set in, believe it or not I'm kinda somewhat thrilled about it, haha. I have been getting this really achy heavy period like pain for days but the doc has assured me it's just my uterus stretching etc. Anyone else experience this? oh and mood swings? I think the term 'mood swings' is an understatement!! I'm sure my lovely lady would agree right now too!

Sally2 that's hilarious about the fish & chip shop lady! Kids can be very embarrassing huh, trust me I've been there with my 10yr old many a time! And DrGirl72 thanks for sharing your experiences also, we don't really have many other lesbian friends, and none interested in having babies that's for sure so we had noone to ask. Wow you don't have much longer to go! Do you know what you are having?

This post is far too long; I better go get ready for my little mans footy presentation! Oh and I'll try figure out this ticker business!

Rachel