Donor Conception General Chatter # 9

[Lieve]

Joy - how fantastic, time flies doesn't it? Wishing you well these last 3 weeks, and looking forward to hearing news of his/her arrival.

Redlady - we've dealt with our situation probably a little different to others. Ever since finding out DH has issues with sperm production, we've been very open with everyone; friends, family, even nosy acquaintances (who i'm betting wish they never asked!) They've followed us through our journey of finding out this news, then a failed IVF attempt where DH had an open biopsy, and now with our search for a donor, and the issues that go with this. We're adament that our child (if/when we finally have one) will know from as soon as it can understand how he/she came into the world - and also have some kind of special 'uncle type' relationship with our donor. We've found that by sharing our 'problem' with others, it lessens the load we have to bear ourselves. But saying that, that's just the way we are - we needed to be able to talk about it, although it did take a while to get our heads around it all. I'm sure you guys equally will deal with it in a way that suits what you need. Everyone's different.

Oh, and we'll be doing IVF as my cycle is a bit unpredictable. I'd be interested to know how your home insem goes. And regarding your donor, do you have any arrangement with him as to multiple children (you say you want 2-3), and what role, if any he will have in the child's life? We're having some of these discussions with our donor at the moment and it's quite confronting to talk/think about.

Clem - out of curiosity - does your cuz have children of her own? I also want to say, i hope any feelings of failure on your part pass quickly, and that you soon have a child of your own so that you know without a doubt that you'll be a great mother, regardless of whose eggs.

[redlady]

Hi Lieve,

Our known donor has come to an agreement of fathering two children at minimum. I have an illness that makes me dizzy I have an inner ear condition I have had it for 5yrs now. If pregnancy agree with me I would like 3 children if possible. If pregnancy doesn't agree with me I will settle for only 2 children.

Our donor does not want to be a part of the childs life. He sees this as a gift to us nothing more. He made sure we are not going to ask him for money for support of the children. As it was never our intention to all of a sudden ask for monetry support.

He sees his role as giving us sperm, me concieving and myself and my DH as the parents. He sees it as a gift, not something that belongs to him.

He does not want contact from the children but will be there to ask any medical questions if we have them. His family history going 2 generations back has no medical or psychiatric conditions.

He has 4 children of his own.

Because he doesnt want contact from any resultant children we have agreed not to tell the child. We will tell the child that he/she was concieved in a very special way. That a very special man gave us a gift. But no names will be revealed.

Im sorry if this offends anyone. But my DH doesn't want his family knowing he has that big of a problem that he CANT father biological children. His family place extreme emphasis on having the family trait passed down and genes. Which are faulty which is why he is infertile.

We have chosen a donor very close to his looks and height.

Sincerely
Redlady

[Sara69]

Hi Redlady,

Just quickly dropping in to wishing you good luck. DP and I have decided to look for an egg donor later this year.

I don't think you are offending anyone, it's your choice and you need to deal with it however you feel comfortable with it. It's unfortunate that the family of your DH feels this way. I havn't yet decided what I will tell my mum but I have told my sisters and they have been very supportive after asking some questions.

Sara

[futuremum]

Hello ladies I have my BT today with my very last embryo with my own 44 yr old egg. If it's a positive result quite frankly it's a miracle from God and all here will be witnessing a miracle.

We will think about looking for a donor after a break. I don't know time's getting away

[Clemo]

Lieve - My Dh and I have been very open, like you have, with our journey. We have very close friends and family that are very supportive and have shared our dreams, thoughts and fears with all of them.
Only a select few know about our next step of doing DE at the moment but we have every intention of being open about it all when the time comes. I just needed some time for myself 1st.
Yes, my cousin has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's now in a stable relationship and they want to have kids of their own but my cousin wants to help me first. She is such a wonderful person....

What stage are you at Lieve? Will you be doing a cycle soon?

Redlady - I'm sorry you and your DH have to bear the pressure of his family.

Sara - Good luck with finding an egg donor. Will you be going anon? Can I ask why you were doing pgd? We did it as I have a balanced translocation.

Futuremum - Wishing you so much luck today . Hopefully this will be your miracle and you won't need to even think about DE.

[Malyna]

got everything crossed for you futuremum

[Joy08]

Wishing you best of luck futuremum! Have everything crossed for you

[redlady]

Hello,

Just found out another clinic near our clinic doesn't have such long waiting times for donor sperm. They are sending me out information in the mail. So it may look like we are doing full blown IVF afterall.

I hope to start this year it will be great to be finally underway.

sincerely
Redlady.

[futuremum]

Just to let you know the BT was negative we will be looking into donor now

Thanks for all your well wishes sorry no personals I've only just found out this news

[redlady]

Future Mum,






Redlady

[Malyna]

future mum

[Clemo]

I'm so sorry Futuremum

I had a bit of a meltdown last night . I started thinking, what if my cousins eggs don't work.......then what......don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with anymore bad news.....I know it's silly trying to guess the future but I just worry.

[Lieve]

Futuremum, . I'm so sorry your last embryo wasn't the one. Be kind to yourself, your journey is far from over.

Clemo - i understand your meltdown all too well, have been having a few myself recently. it all just seems so hard, and so many doors keep closing. We just heard from our potential donor that his semen analysis came back with a less than optimal result (poor motility), so he has to do another one to be sure. If it doesn't look good with him we're back to square one and then i don't know what we'll do . I'm doing a lot of crying lately, partly from sheer frustration, part anger, part sadness and time just seems to be slipping away. Our donor had planned to come out to Australia in October to do the counselling, testing, etc so we're still a long way off yet before we cycle (with a 6 month quarantine period on top of that, etc). Do egg donors have to undergo the same testing, quarantine, etc as sperm donors? Is it an equally exhaustive process for you & your cousin?

Redlady - glad that you have another option open to you with another clinic. It sometimes feels like we have so few options in this difficult situation, so it's good to at least have one or two to consider.

[Clemo]

Lieve - I hope the 2nd analysis comes back ok. I don't know why this has to be so hard. It should be the most natural thing in the world. I do have a lot of moments thinking that it's really not fair. And don't get me started on the herion addicts that breed like mice....how unfair is that!!

The donor info pack I got says that my cousin will have all the typical IVF blood tests, 2 x counselling sessions, there was a huge medical questionnaire she has to fill out, but apart from that, I don't think there is anything else. I'm sure my FS will want to have a look at her ovaries and question her about her cycle to figure out the meds but I think that's it. My DH and I have to have the typical blood tests again and counselling. The donor admin fee is nice isn't it????? $2k just for the pleasure and nothing back from medicare....nice. They surely see you coming.

What do you mean by quarantine? I don't really know much about the whole donor thing yet. I spose I should do some research. I'm just a bit tired of the whole thing at the moment and am trying to keep my head in the sand!

[Clemo]

Where is everyone???

Lieve - Did you get your results back?

Futuremum - How are you dealing with the whole DE thing?

Sara - Have you started looking for your egg donor?

Me - I thought I'd get the ball rolling on things. So DH is doing his required blood tests today and I'll do mine tomorrow. I'm getting the blood slips sent out for my cousin so she can do hers too. Then I'll arrange for my cousin and I to see my FS and then arrange counselling & nursing apps. I'm hoping to get all this stuff done now and then after we get back from Phuket in Oct we can go straight into a cycle.
Although I don't know how healthy our bank balance will be after our holiday!!!!

[Lieve]

Hi Clemo, hope all the blood tests are going well, a few jabs certainly helps you feel like you've started the process. all come back good and you can get straight onto a cycle. I know for me at least when I was doing things like counselling and nurses appointments, etc it felt good to regain some kind of control over it all and a bit of excitement too knowing that each day was one step closer.

Now I feel a bit in limbo land. Our donor hasn't done his 2nd test yet - unfortunately he's not in the same hurry we are ...so we just have to wait- but apparently his clinic said he shouldn't be too concerned, so we'll see. You asked about quarantine - well when someone donates the clinic tests their blood for diseases like HIV & Hep B, C. Because these diseases sometimes take up to 6 months to show in your blood, they hold onto the sperm until after 6 months when the donor does another blood test. If the 2nd blood test is also clean, then they release the sperm to us to be used. So, I'm not sure if they do the same for egg donors or not. Possibly not.

Joy - any news??????

[buliej]

Hi

Has anyone looked into going to the US for a donor egg. I emailed someone who posted in here at some point (she was a one-off poster) and never received a reply. I'm looking for some info - where to start, what to expect, costs, time commitment, etc.

I am just beginning to think about ED after my 3rd m/c due to age-related trisomies.

Best of luck to you all - I hope you all get your much wished for and deserved babies.

Thanks.

[Clemo]

Lieve - Bummer about the 2nd test not being done yet. I hope your donor hurry's up for you. A 6 month wait ontop of everything is a bit of a pain.
I had a read of my DE info pack again and it does mention the quarantine but it also has a section where I can wave the quarantine period if the 1st tests come back ok. So that's what I'll be doing.
It does feel good to be doing things. I just booked our FS, counselling, nurses and accts apps. It's a bit annoying though as we have to have 4 different apps to do them all and taking time off work is a bit difficult. Anyway, we have to do what we have to do.

buliej - As far as I know there are egg donor clinics in the US that you register with. I don't know anymore info than that. Maybe one of the other girls in here will be able to help.