Making the decision to use a sperm donor?

[~BecD~]

Just looking to hear other people's experiences of how you decided to use a sperm donor, and how you reconciled any issues you had with it?

DH has severe MFI and we have just found out from his SCSA that he has too high DNA damage as well, so after 8 IVF cycles, it may be time to move on to trying donor sperm.

Did you use a known or anonymous donor? Did you do it through a clinic or DIY? If you had done IVF previously, would you go back to trying IUI with donor sperm or stick with IVF? How did your partner feel about it ? And any regrets?

Thanks in advance, I'm feeling really conflicted about everything.

[Liviam]

I personally have not been in your position so I can't give you any advice but wanted to give you hugs while you and DH make this, what I can only imagine, an extrmemly difficult decision.

[Shades]

I'm not in quite the same situation as you - being single I can't help with the partner concerns, but personally I first did DIY with a known donor, then switched to through a clinic using IUI with an anonymous US donor and I found it remarkably stress-free and streamlined... more so than the DIY attempts. I just felt safer medically and legally going through a clinic.
At your age I think donor IVF would be overkill... IUI should be plenty sufficient with donor swimmers.

[redlady]

Hello,

My husband has a gene problem his 5th and 20th gene has swapped causing a genetic condition and this would be passed on to our children. This gene swap has also caused his infertility.

We had no choice but to go for a sperm donor. At my age 35 I have been told Im too old to adopt! Silly silly.

We are on the waiting list with our IVF clinic. But have found an angel through a private website willing to be our donor. We are first going to try home insemination and if that doesn't work then move on to true IVF.

So as you can see it wasnt a decision we agonised over it was THE ONLY thing to do.

We have had many tears, and breakdowns over the past 6 months. My husband looks at people who have kids who look very very similar to their parents. He laments that he won't ever have mini him. I try to comfort him and sometimes it works and sometimes not.

I get a bit angry sometimes I found myself a great bloke but he can't father a child naturallly. But then I remind myself its hard on him too.

Its a rollercoaster ride thats for sure.

I hope this it what you want.

Sincerely
Redlady

[~BecD~]

Thanks for the feedback. I dont think I am prepared to go DIY, just for the medical and legal ramifications, however it is certainly tempting financially! We have decided to keep going using Murray's sperm for another IVF cycle, and if at the end of that we still aren't pregnant, we will probably move to donor sperm. Then to decide whether or not we use a known donor or go to a sperm bank...

[redlady]

Hello,

It certainly wasn't a financial decision for us. Definitely not! It was more out of sick of waiting on the waiting list.

Just letting you know having a known donor would be slightly quicker than unknown donor. I don't know which clinic you are going through but ours has a definite waiting list of 12-18months. We checked with our clinic today of where we are up to on the waiting list, we still have at best a chance at a phone call for us to choose a donor March or later in 2010. I hope your clinic doesn't have a waiting list.

Just wanted to let you know that we rang our Fert. Clinic. up today they are changing the laws soon.

From 1st of january 2010...there will be no imported sperm from oversea's. Its a state govt thing. Just thought you would like to know. No clinic in NSW will be getting imported sperm, no clinic in VIC will be either and it will soon be rolled out across the country. QLD is next.

sincerely
redlady

[Stilltryin]

Hi

We didnt have a choice either, my hubby also was born with a genetic link missing from his DNA making it impossible to concieve...after a year on the waiting list we finally got a call from the clinic that they have a couple of suitable donors...one which is very similar to hubby that no one is using just us..we tried doing IUI natrually twice but that hasnt worked so in a few weeks we will start IVF...fingers crossed it works

Hubby at first was a bit down on the whole cant have kids naturally but now he knows more about IVF than i do ...that's give me great pride in the fact that he can overcome a personally difficultly and move past it...Yah

If anyone is from Sydney i would strongly recommend going to Westmead IVF they are considerably cheaper than anyone else in Sydney by a long shot and the nurses there are really kind and thoughtful and really professional

[redlady]

Hi Stilltrying,

My DH was guttered he wasn't going to be the biological father but he is over that now. Let your Dh know he isn't alone.

My DH and I are having our first appointment on friday with westmead fertility centre. Im hoping the nurse is nice.

What questions could we expect from the counsellor? As we are using donor sperm we have to see the counsellor.

Redlady

[~BecD~]

redlady - i hope everything goes well for you.
We are having one last shot at IVF with DH's sperm in November and then moving clinics (where they have a sperm bank) in January if unsuccessful.

[redlady]

thanks Bec-d


I hope you get a bfp.

My Dh and I are heading to westmead tomorrow. Hopefully will get the go ahead soon.




redlady