I am so ANGRY.....Like turning into the HULK angry!!!!! - Pregnancy, Birth & Baby Forums ~ BellyBelly

LaDeeDa · #1 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 06:44 AM

I am angry angry angry angry at the hospital and the so called supportive birth centre!!!!!!!!!!

I chose this birth model so I was supported.... so if they were supporting me why did I have to ask 3 times in 45 mins for a HEAT PACK....I was in labour for crying out loud!!!

Why did they put a faulty monitor on me - whinge about how faulty it was for 8 hours (the alarm kept going off for no reason) and then use that to tell me that DS was in distress....he had apgars of 10 and 10 ....doesn't sound like he was distressed to me....but hey I'd be p!ssed if I was happily going down the birth canal - saw the light only to be yanked out the other way by my feet!!!

I am angry that when we got down to theatre they didn't even have a monitor so they told me he was in distress using a doeppler.

I am ANGRY that my scared and exhausted DH was left alone to support me and we hardly ever saw a midwife.....turns out gossiping in the office was more important....
We were promised that they would be there with us every step of the way....

I am angry that they treated me like the little girl who cried wolf when I was trying to tell them that something wasn't right...yes this is my first baby BUT SO WHAT!!!

I am angry that they could't work out he was posterior until he CROWNED....
If they had been doing their job and taken my labour seriously instead of telling me that I was there too early they might have picked up on that and at least tried to turn him....or prepared me for the fact I might be having a cesar....

I am angry that after 40 FREAKING HOURS of a posterior labour that they wouldn't support me when I asked for an epidural....I was beyond exhausted and hadn't even started pushing....telling me it's their job to stop me having drugs - thats why I choses a BC doesn't help!!

I am angry that my beautiful little boy had to go through all this too.

I am angry that DH is so traumatised and still has nightmares about our birth.

I am angry that we both want another baby but are so scared.

I am angry that I didn't get to experience "birth"

I am angry that I no longer trust my body at all and I am so scared to have a VBAC incase I go through the same thing again but I don't want another C-Section.

I am angry for all the women who went though this before me and all the women who are going through it as I type this.....

But most of all ....I am so so sad.....

*LovemyKids* · #2 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 06:52 AM

Hugs honey, i bet it feels good to get that all out and i think its the start of your healing:-) Take care.

squidipa · #3 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 07:03 AM

im so sorry that was really unfair!!

doudou · #4 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 08:51 AM

Please complain to the hospital..
please push this issue with them so they can see how damaging it has been for you

you have every right to feel how you are feeling.

rachel6188 · #5 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 08:58 AM

huge hugs dee, im so sorry huni xox

rufalina · #6 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:15 AM

Hope getting that out starts a healing process for you. So so sorry you had to birth in that way. Know that the system failed you, not the other way. Hope with time you are able to have another baby on your terms.

NaeNae · #7 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:16 AM

I am so sorry you have had such a horrid ordeal. I agree with DouDou write a letter of complaint they need to be made aware of how damaging this has been to you.

Nae x

Lulu · #8 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:22 AM

Did you mean breech or posterior? I don't think they try to turn a posterior baby - they just come out that way hun xoxoxo

LaDeeDa · #9 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lulu

Did you mean breech or posterior? I don't think they try to turn a posterior baby - they just come out that way hun xoxoxo

They can try and encourage a posterior bub to turn the other way babe so I found out from a midwife the other day

Lulu · #10 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:32 AM

In labour? I can't imagine how painful that would be though....and boofa blue might not have had any room at all to turn in the end. Not crapping on your vent at all hun....some things are just the way they are xoxoxoxo

LaDeeDa · #11 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:44 AM

Can't have been much worse than a posterior labour ...LOL
I guess we'll never know how it might have turned out ...

fionas · #12 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 09:56 AM

Dee - your labour sucked.

It's good that you're getting angry at the support, or lack thereof, that you received.

I know as much as we tell you on here that it sucked and that a second labour/birth could be completely different, it really helps to hear that from a midwife/ob.

I put off TTC for a long time (not good at my age) because there were several things I was scared about. I'm very self-reliant and although people kept telling me to go and talk to someone, I put it off for a long time because I thought that if I kept thinking about it myself, I would come up with a "solution" that would bring me peace.

But a 20-minute chat with my ob was what made all the difference and it's been all action stations on the TTC ever since.

So I'd encourage you to do a debrief with the hospital and if that doesn't ease your mind, perhaps look into other hospitals/birth options but most importantly talk to someone about your fears until they're no longer fears.

Lulu · #13 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 10:00 AM

They should have given you the option to transfer to the other section earlier, that's for sure xoxoxo

LaDeeDa · #14 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 10:10 AM

I guess at the end of the day they "might" have done things the right way but it just doesn't feel that way to me....

I will definately have to do a lot of rsearch before thinking about TTC #2

Lulu · #15 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 10:35 AM

Oh chick you had a very long and hard labour - no doubt about that...

DS was posterior and my 2nd birth and I threatened to do my own caeser and that was only after 3 hours

. They hurt like nothing else on earth, I was totally unprepared for it.

What you can do for next time - look at the spinning babies website. I followed all the steps for DD cos I wasn't going through that again if I could help it

I also asked each and every ante natal appointment if they could tell if she was posterior.

You can also have a live de-brief with a good GF with mine that has had 3 labours almost identical to yours....the last 2 were VBAC, in the birth centre. I mentioned your experience last year and she said to tell you she's there for you anytime you need to get it off your chest xoxoxoxoxo

Moi · #16 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 08:25 PM

Big hugs.

I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible experience.

fionas · #17 (**permalink**) August 18th, 2009, 08:52 PM

Dee - I just wanted to reiterate to you that I do think that they treated you badly. I was fairly happy with my experience and this is how it differed to yours:

1. The midwife checked me when I first got there. I told her that I thought DD was posterior as the pain was all in my back. I think that she actually handled my question pretty well because she said, "she is a little bit." I think she deliberately didn't make it sound like a big deal whilst not dismissing my concerns IYKWIM.

2. I checked when I first got there that I would be able to have an epidural when I wanted one. She told me I could have one there and then if I wanted. Now, I know some people would interpret that as pushing drugs on me but to me it gave me peace of mind that I could have one as soon as it all got too much. As it was, having that peace of mind meant I waited another six hours until I felt I'd done everything I could.

3. There was a midwife in the room with me the whole time. They didn't do a lot because I was in a world of my own but yours being down the corridor and gossiping while they were needed is a disgrace.

4. They didn't monitor me at all besides the first 15 minutes and after I had the epi.

5. I next had a bit of clue about DD being posterior when my ob did an internal and I heard him say to the midwife - "baby's position LOP". And smartarse that I am, I said, "oooh, left occipital posterior." He just smiled and said "spot on" without making a song and dance about the posterior bit. I'm really glad that no-one really talked about it because I think it would have made me more fearful.

5. I was very lucky (and it was luck because I hadn't done any research before I chose him) that my ob avoids caesars wherever possible and I had forceps (after 3 hours of pushing) to get DD out. I was told by the midwives that virtually all the other obs would have whisked me off for a caesar after about 30 mins of pushing.

Also have a read of Lady Zaidie's debriefing post. She met with someone from the hospital and they admitted that they'd failed her really badly so I'd encourage you to see if the BC has a debriefing process.

LaDeeDa · #18 (**permalink**) August 19th, 2009, 06:25 AM

Thanks Fiona for sharing your points of difference...
Sometimes I wonder if I am just being melodramatic but then I get the feeling in the pit of my stomach and it makes me think I'm not.

My BC does a debroef process.....they wanted me to have mine 2 weeks after DS was born and I just wasn't capable then.
I don;t know if I would be able to have one at this late date....I will have to find out...