my first labour, 3 years on

[Hollo]

DD1 is 3 in 6 days, that combined with my recent birthing experience of DD2 i have been thinking that what i originally felt was a fine experience with DD1 actually wasnt, all because of being given the wrong dates.

so DD1 was induced at 10 days over due date. i didnt even know early dating scans existed and i had been on the pill for years and years previously so i had no idea what kind of cycle i had so i was given the standard cycle.

when it came to being induced i showed no sign of being ready, cervix was closed right up. they gave me the prostoglandin gel (to which i had a reaction) so then had a whole night of fake contractions. waters broken the next day and it was a slow but really painful experience from then on. had epidural (on recommendation of midwife who said i was bearing down when i wasnt ready to and that there was about 12 hours left of labour and it was only going to get more painful).

pushing stage went for about 3 hours, babys heart rate became erratic, had the vaccuum to help her out and suffered 2nd degree internal tears. when she came out she was covered, and i mean COVERED in vernix. the midwife said.. oh they must have gotten your dates wrong cause she has so much vernix on her, she is probably only about 38-39 weeks gestation.

i felt happy with the experience, i liked that i was just sitting around in bed chatting and passing the time for when it was pushing time (thanks to the epi). i was happy to have had a healthy baby delievered.

fast forward to april this year. labour for second time round. didnt want to go overdue so did everything i could possibly to. charted cycle, had early dating scan, massage with labour conducive oils, accupuncture, stretch and sweep etc. but no was induced at 10 days over again. this time i was at least showing signs of being ready, had a show the morning i went into hospital. labour was 4 half hours long, dealt with pain much better, had gas. finally asked to have an epi and got one all hooked up only to be at pushing stage. so pushed her out in about 10 mins. when she came out she was dry and had no vernix on her.

had to have episiotomy because of scar tissue from first time round.

if i hadnt of been induced when i wasnt ready i would have coped better with pain, most likely wouldnt have had the 2nd degree internal tears and most likely wouldnt have needed episiotomy with second birth. it just makes me angry that i was induced for NO reason and my baby was not ready to come out yet. early dating scan should be one of the routine scans i believe. i know even those dont fortell the exact time of birth but it is closer than some generic wheel that doctors still use.

the other thing is, i felt so much better after second birth. happier, not as tired, on a high, happy emotional, and PROUD! and it kinda makes me feel guilty cause i didnt feel those things first time round (even though i thought it was an ok experience it wasnt like the second). and i feel bad for DD1 that i didnt feel that great about it and that she didnt get the birth she deserved.

anyway, its not like i am traumatised but i am dissapointed and it took me 3 years to figure that out.

[Suga]

I just wanted to good on you for getting this out. I'm currently working through my birth experience which I wouldn't describe as "traumatic" but it certainly was dissapointing for me and had affected me in many ways. Like you I went through it and for a while pushed the feelings aside and told myself that everything was ok. The thing is though when you reflect on your experience you are looking at it from a different perspective which is why you can now "figure it out". I still have things to figure out too but that is part of the journey to heal from a disappointing experience (I'm glad you had a good birth 2nd time around!)

[Hollo]

awww, thanks suga for your understanding. hope you get yours all sorted too. i think writing it all out helps a lot. :-)

[queen bee]

Amazing how much a difference being informed makes. As they say "when you know better you do better." I am trying to get as much info as I can for my 3rd birth; at first I thought there wasn't much more to know after two but now I am realising how much I don't know. I am disappointed at how little the OB tells you, I suppose they don't have the time, it is up to us to educate ourselves. That is why I am on BB, I have learnt so much. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to hear what others have been through.

[JellyBean]

Thanks for sharing that Hollo. Sadly, your experience is not uncommon.
These EDD (Estimated Due Dates) are just that - an estimate at best - and sadly have become the cause for much unecessary intervention in the western world.

There are many other cultures where artificial induction is unheard of. Women simply fall pregnant , and 9 or 10 months (yes - 10 months!) later they go into labour when mother nature says its time. Only the baby and your body can truly determine when the safest time to birth is - and it will always do so in its own time.

Sadly many women still do not realise that being advised to induce is NOT an order - and a woman always reserves the right to choose for her body and baby and say 'no'.

This white washed, sanitised, rigid methodology of dating a baby's age and due date via a piece of scanning equipment and then advising a woman that she only be 'allowed' to go 10 days over this estimated date is nonsense. An Ob who proceeds to tell a woman that he cannot guarantee they will be at her birth if she goes into labour naturally is manipulative and immoral. It forces women to feel cornered into a decision she is not 100% comfortable with - based on fear.
A woman does not HAVE to do anything she is not comfortable with - and the sooner more women realise they are in control of their own birth, and learn to say 'no' - the sooner we will see a significant drop in the amount of artificial interventions, distressed babies, c-sections and ultimately traumatised women.
If a person is not content with a woman exercising her right over her body and baby -then this is not a person who deserves to be present at such a miraculous event!!

Thankyou for being brave and telling your story.

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Be empowered, be informed. The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth - by Henci Goer