Helping DS & us get ready for next child after 6 yr gap.

[Salsa]

Our DS will become a big brother just as he himself turns 6 yrs old.
I`m wondering if anyone has any advise or their own thoughts to share on how to prepare an older child for the arrival of a new family member, when its always just been them.
I think DS will adjust fine, but its still going to be very different for him to have someone else who takes up his space and his attention.
Are there any good books to read on this or does anyone else want to chat about their experience?

[smiles4u]

I'm probably not the greatest help BUT I was 5 when my sister was born ... and the only time Mum said I was jealous was when she was breastfeeding her (it was just the fact that I could see Mum was giving her 100% attention there & not to me)

But apart from that Mum said I was fantastic

I still remember how beautifully proud I felt when I saw my sister for the 1st time in hospital ... hearing people around me saying "Look at that little girl - she now is a Big Sister". That praise helped me heaps & made me stand very tall !!

My sister & I had an amazing bond to the point when I had my daughter 2.5years ago (my only child) ... I named her middle name after her

I'm now 42 & my sister is 37 ... and I still remember that hospital visit like it was only yesterday !!

( P.S - I turn 43 on the 14th January ... is your baby due on my birthday ?? ... Oh, I'd love that !!! )

[Sammiejane]

DSS was just 10 when we had MJ, not only did we have the worry of him being a lot older, but also not with us full time... we were very concerned about jealousy.
To overcome this we made him involved in loads of the things that were going on...
*When we were decorating the baby's room, his was also painted, he got to choose the colour of the paint for his room
*We asked his opinion on names (not that we liked any of them, but he was involved)
*let him be involved as much or as little as he wanted with the pg
*gave him a copy of U/S pics and it didnt matter if he put greasy fingers or scratched/folded it
* he was first to visit and was called first
* when she arrived let him be involved as much as he wanted
* encouraged him to tell stories and touch MJ
* throughout the pg and now that she is here, DSS was always told what a fantastic Big Bro he would/does make and how lucky MJ is to have him
* made sure that there was times when we both would do things with just him... like DSS loves cooking so sometimes i would give MJ to DH and i would give him my undivided attention for this time or DH would do something with him with no inturruptions - but it was important to balance this so he wasnt thinking that he should always ave one on one time

Um there were loads more things, i just cant rememeber, fee free to ask any q's, either here or PM me.
Im sure it will be fine

Im sure that it will be fine, try not to

[Marydean]

My DD1 was 9 when DD2 was born. We were very careful to make sure she was told all the exciting stuff before anyone else was, she also made name suggestions (one of which we used ). We also drew on her new and blossoming sense of responsibility so that she knows that sometimes I rely on her help now. We also put a baby gate across her bedroom door so that she can still have all her toys out and spread all over the place without worrying about the baby choking on them. Most of all, we made sure that we created special family time together after DD2 was born. This is mostly things like Friday night Family night (watch a movie together or play games) or reading a novel together in the evenings after DD2 is in bed. So now DD1 understands that the family has changed forever but in some ways it's still the same as before the baby arrived, kwim? Oh and we still do stuff like making sure DD2 "gives" DD1 presents at birthday/christmas.

I also tell her all the time that she's my beloved firstborn. It's special being first and another arrival shouldn't take that away .

[DANNIIM]

My DS will be almost 7 by the time our new little bundle arrives and we have been preparing him for quite a while. You should have seen the look on his face when he felt the bub move in my tummy.....he got to feel it before DF, he was so amazed and happy he felt his baby brother or sister. DF takes him out bike riding heaps, we even bought him the miniture version of DF's motor bike....so cute, gets him out and about and something that him and his dad can do on there own without me, special bonding time i call it. All you can really do is keep them involved as much as possible and there are going to be times that they will feel left out and a little jealous.
I am also really glad our bub is due when DS in on school holidays as he gets to spend the first few weeks being involved and enjoying the baby as well. DF just found out his shift changes as well meaning that he will be home by 4.00pm everyday instead of doing a two week stint every month of afternoon shifts. This will be so much easier to cope with two children.

[nic]

OK,I haven't been able to read all the replies, so sorry if I repeat something already said.

We have a gap of 8 years. We started off by buying Up the Duff. the main reason I got it was because it was the best I could find at the time, plus it had the measurements on the side of the pages for DD to see what size bub was this week. she would read what was growing or happening in that week as well. One week we grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn, gave it to her and said this is how much the baby weighs this week.

She was the first to visit at the hospital. When she arrived, we had a present for her ( a digital camera) from the baby, which she just loved, and took hundreds of photo's with.

We spoke about how babies are a bit time consuming and we wouldn't be able to always run around as much, but would still have time for her, time to sit and talk and listen.

We tried to involve her as much as possible, so she was just as excited as we were. We let her have as many cuddles with DS as we could, and even let her give him a bottle one day while we were sitting beside her to supervise. DD even helped us paint the clouds on DS's bedroom walls. I think getting her so involved really helped us out when he arrived. Picking out names, and clothes as well..DD picked out quite a few outfits for DS.

We got my mum to take her to the movies while I was in hospital, so she was still doing something 'normal'
DH took her shopping for a camera bag as well, doesn't sound like a lot, but they don't go shopping by themselves together, so it was pretty special, even if it was for something 'little'

Maybe make a day, say Sunday, where DS has a trip with DH to the shop for the paper, something that is just the two of them, or you and DS.

We moved DD into the spare room before DS's arrival. We stripped the room bare, let her pick the curtains, which helped determine what colours we should/shouldn't have on the walls. DH did a built in cupboard, which DD helped with putting some nails in and holding timber for dad. We let her pick out a bed, and mattress and doona cover as well. DD and I did a canvas decoration to hang on her wall too. We made it an exciting time, not only was she getting a sibling, but she was moving rooms!

I think the main thing is to just talk, talk, talk, to them. DD adjusted pretty well, but I think she still had a few days where she was just overwhelmed with everything and didn't quite know why?

Hope all goes well Salsa

Nic