The guilt is KILLING me!

[Liz]

Hooray! Well done Now go enjoy your freedom! hehe

[boomba]

Thats great! good work Savannah you little angel!

So happy you are feeling better! xxxx

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

Don't know that I can help too much - I officially don't *do* mother guilt. No time. There are lots of things I wish I'd done differently, but I do the best I can. My kids seem to forgive me fairly easily - so best I forgive myself, and try to do things differently next time.
When my first was little I found this a hard concept to deal with - but soonish you will need to include Savannah in mealtimes with yourself and your DH. She will need to learn to sit up at the table and eat her dinner, learn some manners (by example) how to use cutlery, chat and share her days events, and see how you and her dad share the day's events.
Now, I wouldn't do anything OTHER than have the whole family sit up together for a meal. Even if sport and part-time work interrupt some nights, we still do the dinner thing several times a week.
It works best when you have dinner pr-prepared so there is a minimum of fuss getting it out.
Just a thought.
Barb

[Haydies]

At the moment Savannah goes to bed between 5pm and 5:30pm. DH doesn't get home till 7:30pm. So dinner together isn't an option. I can't keep Savannah up because she fights sleep so bad we're already down to one nap a day. She doesn't last longer than 5:30...

[Liz]

hehe - I had to go and re-read the original post to see why Barb was suddenly talking about dinner!

Does she sleep all night from 5.30? Wowee. My two were both night owls. It's only now that Tallon can go to bed for the night at 7.30.

But it is an option if she's fighting sleep that badly, to just get her up for 15 mins or so and then try again. I find that works here. Worked here at lunch time actually LOL. She just wasn't going off, so I got her up and she sat and wolfed down some lunch with us, and then she went off beautifully. I do the same at night too, because it can get really stressful hanging about trying and trying to get them to sleep.

But by the sounds of it, all you need to do is pop her in bed and she'll do her thing

[Haydies]

Hehe, don't worry, I was confused for a moment too. I thought it might have been a reply for a different thread until I remembered that the first night happened because of dinner.

She does sleep all night, rising about 6:30am in the morning. But she doesn't sleep "through". Average night sees us wake about 11pm, 2am, 4am and then when she gets up around 6:30am. Always wants a feed.

Last night she only woke at 11pm and 4am though. Or should I say, they're the only times I remember. So not sure if she really did only wake then, or if I was just so tired I don't remember the other times...

I'm mentally preparing myself to try again tonight to see if she will self settle again. Although she fell asleep on my again after she got up and didn't wake until 4pm... so clearly not going to be ready for her 5:30pm bedtime lol.

[jackrose]

All the best Haydies!

Its 5.30 and I'm thinking of you!

[Liz]

Sounds like she's going through some development or change (as they do!) Try not to stress too much about how each evening will pan out. It'll settle down eventually. If she needs you, then just be there for her, if she settles on her own, then bonus for you Probably best not to make any plans for your free time just yet.. then you won't stress if you find you need to sit with her.

My DD has just gone down.. but I've no doubt she'll be back up in about an hr or so. hehe. Can't imagine her going down for the night now! LOL. I should really go and fix dinner while she's asleep!

[Lady Zaidie]

So jealous, Haydies! DS rarely goes to sleep alone - and he goes from his happy chatting and giggling to a little whinge and five seconds later to the howl that wakes the world. But last night DH left him just a tiny bit asleep and he wriggled but finished it off himself.

It's hard giving up something you're not ready to give up. I'm still feeling guilty we're not breastfeeding even though I was practically forcing DS to feed. I'd not feel guilty letting him cry for 30 seconds - after all, he does that when I need the loo and he's in bed! Especially not if he slept happily after that. But then he woke twice last night... who knows? He does 11 hours if I'm lucky, I'd love him to do 7-8 every day! 7.30-6.30 is pretty much what we have, and he goes down 7.30-8 and wakes 6-6.30. *Sigh*. I suppose it was 8.10-6.50 last night, but 2 wake-ups.

DS's bedtime is 7.30 and a family meal (at 6) is a big part of his life. He eats all his meals with his family and/or friends and, aside from chewing with his mouth open, occasionally eating from his knife and getting yoghurt up his nose, he has pretty decent manners. So much easier to lead by example in the early days than shouting in the later ones. You don't have to do it every night, but every lunchtime sitting down together will teach this.

[Haydies]

*sits down* Well I knew tonight would be a late one as she didn't wake up from her nap until 4pm, and that was only because I moved anyway. I didn't even realise she had fallen back asleep on my till about 10 minutes later lol.

So she had a shower with DH at 7:30, in bed at 7:45. She had her feed, but when I noticed she was more just 'sucking' than feeding, I whispered to her "if you're done feeding sweetheart, you need to let go" and to me surprise, she did! She was still wiggling her toes and awake, but lying there so I started talking to her really softly again. Telling her how proud I am of her, what a great day we had together and how we were going to the park tomorrow. 5 minutes of this and bam, she was out like a light.

I'm expecting the half hour wake up, and we'll see how it goes after that. Fingers crossed!

Rosehip I would LOVE to have family dinner together! Sadly DH works in the city and it's a two hour train trip home. She has breakfast with DH every morning, even weekends as I feel it's a special time for just those two. And I always eat lunch with her too. If she does have dinner (4pm ish) then I try to find something for me to eat so she doesn't feel like she's eating alone. Even if it is just a couple of crackers that I eat via 300 teeny tiny bites LOL.

When DH is home, which is weekends and two week days when he works from home I try to make sure we eat together. Weekends are no problem, but trying to convince DH to not work through his lunch break and to instead sit with us can be tricky at times.

I am so thankful I have you girls to chat to through out this new phase - I can't tell you how much it helps me just to know people are hearing my feelings.

[boomba]

Aw hun i wish you were my mum! Talking to her is goregous! I might have to try that one!

We are really lucky to have DH home at about 5ish so we have an early dinner and Myles goes down at about 6. i know that if we have dinner after, i rush to get him to sleep and this stresses him out and its a battle to get him to sleep! So we always have dinner first cause i dont want to be rushed!

I also totally concerntrate on getting him to sleep! I find if i let my mind wonder he feels it and plays up iykwim! Might have to use this line though if you're done feeding sweetheart, you need to let go

Your a wonderfull mummy and Savannah is lucky to have you! Hope she sleeps well tonight, tomorrow night and the forever

x

[Haydies]

I must admit, the talking surprised me that it worked. If someone's talking to me I can't sleep LOL. I guess I just have a soooooothing voice (picture Barbara Gene from the TV show Reba saying that ). I say it all barely above a whisper, but it's worked twice so far!

if you're done feeding sweetheart, you need to let go

I gently stroke her chin when I say that. Only been trying that the past week, but so far it's worked every time. Well... there was the once time she grunted and sucked furiously. I took that to mean she wasn't done yet.

[Haydies]

Mini Update...

Tonight Savannah went down like normal around 6pm (late one tonight as we went out to dinner). Woke after about 45 minutes but happily settled with DH. Woke at 9:20pm but I left her for a bit, no settling. Went in and she wanted a feed. I stayed in there for a few minutes (about 10) and then quietly left the room. She was awake and looking at me as I left. 5 minutes of little whimper noises anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute apart. And now... nothing. Sound asleep.

Another night of self settling, and this time no real "crying" just little noises. I'M SO PROUD!!!

[cindyb]

Well Done!!! I wish i had of had your skills with my #1 - she was a nutter going to bed!
#2 always self settled though which is great.

I think with bubbas we tend to mistake the crying out as something negative but its the only way they can comunicate for a long time and they know it works on their mums!!! Too well alot of the time!

Well done on finding a solution! You must be delighted!

We found a very similar technique in a book called 'The Lull-a-Baby Sleep Plan' and it's worked so well for us this last month - even with teething we still only get 1 or 2 wakeups. The great thing is that it gets easier and easier, as they develop really positive associations with bedtime. It's easy to think that self-settling means crying to sleep, but it doesn't have to be this way - they can be soothed by your voice, and then when they're calm and happy, settle themselves down to a nice long sleep!