Here we are again

[Tish]

Sooooo

Things have gone from bad to good and then worse.........

DS is 10 mos and has always been a shocking terrible sleeper.

We found a gentle sleep consultant who wrote and supported a plan for us to gently remove our intervention from his sleep routine. Each day we removed some intervention - hard, but it was working. Until day 3, where we just got a bit stuck and stayed on that for about a week. Then we jumped forward to day 5 which worked for 1 of his sleeps in that day and then it all unraveled.

While we *were* getting results, this is day 12 of me spending anywhere from 20 mins to an hour and a half to get him to go to sleep. After an hour and a half I get him up and try again at the next tired signs. I'm beginning to unravel a bit myself.

So at the moment I feel our options are....

1. Put him in a safe place and sit with him all day until he *decides* to go to sleep. This is the big thing for him, he's never been a baby that's been drowsy that I've put in his bed and he's rolled over and gone to sleep. Never, not once. He never decides to go to sleep. Every sleep is a fight to get him to go to sleep.
2. Start the program we were doing from day 1 again in the hope we can keep up the momentum this time and he'll respond better.
3. Try the no cry sleep solution. I don't hold out much hope for this, he's so stubborn.
4. Controlled crying. I'm just at the end of my tether and I don't know what else to do. I'm this >< close to feeling like I want to check myself into a mother and baby unit, though I know I'm not likely to really agree with the techniques. I just can't listen to him sob and not do something about it. OTOH I'm just so tired at the moment, I'm hardly capable of being a good mum to him in this state.
5. Begin co sleeping in the hope that this will help. I'm not that keen on this as an option as I don't know what I'd do for day sleeps then, and I'm terrified we'd never be able to get him into his own bed.

Is 10 mos too early for 1 day sleep? In the past few days (despite my best efforts of settling for an hour and a half during two sessions, trying the pram and also the hammock) he has sometimes skipped the afternoon nap. Honestly he seems tired enough at 8.30am to be going down for another nap and was certainly ready for another one at 1.30pm but just fought it.

Argh girls, what should we do?

What's also weighing on my mind is he's due to start family day care in a week or so, how on earth will she get him to sleep?

Anna, how are you guys going?

Tish
xx

[Michelle71]

Are you missing the tired signs and getting to him after the critical point??? NCSS lists the tired signs and with DS (who has still never slept through but is much better ) we were missing the signs and the reason he was fighting sleep was that he was overtired He now settles in under 15 minutes as opposed to the hour + we were doing.

DD is still doing the 2-3 sleeps a day but transitioning to 2 ATM. She woke at 7am and was asleep again by 9am. She will probably have another sleep early afternoon and be ready for bed around 6.30pm. If she makes it that long Otherwise she will have a late afternoon catnap and be ready for bed about 8.30pm.

[Astrid]

Have you eliminated all other factors such as food intolerance, allergies etc? If there is some kind of food that he is not reacting well too it could be making it hard for him to wind down. My DD1 had such trouble switching off and would never just roll over and go to sleep. We found that some food colourings affected her along with the usual problem preservative 282.

[Tish]

hi guys, thanks for your very fast replies!!

i'm pretty good with his tired signs (i think...?) and normally when I put him down DH is accusing me of doing it too soon LOL. At the moment he's up for maybe 2 hours before I pounce on him to take him to bed His early signs are getting a bit red around the eyes, pulling at his clothes that sort of thing. I've heard that yawning is a late tired sign?

Re his food, 99% of his food is home made including his bread. I'm very paranoid about factory made food, so he gets next to none of it and the factory food that he does get - pasta, rice, flour, cous cous, jalna - is always preservative/colour free. It's possible that he does have an intolerance I suppose, but we've been pretty good about introducing foods slowly to watch for reactions and I can't see there's been much change. There's also no sugar at all in his diet, and since I'm still BF i'm a coffee free zone - as much as I need it right now!! He's also been a crap sleeper since way before we started solids LOL. And I also tried an elimination diet myself when he was young too.

I think today I'll be doing the easy option of sitting on the floor with him all day until he decides to go to sleep (wonder how long that will take?) and then tomorrow we'll start the program again when DH is home for a bit of support while I read NCSS again and see if there's anything extra I can pick up. After that I think we'll have to try the mother and baby unit. I don't know how much more of this I can do for him.

[Astrid]

Have you looked into Failsafe? Some kids can have issues with apples, tomatoes, broccoli. Sometimes it is not sugar or the usual suspects that are keeping kids wired. Sometimes though it is just them. DD1 is still an over the top child, who has a tonne of energy and takes time to wind down.

[Mak]

Tish - massive

The not sleeping thing can drive you mad!!! I really struggled with #1 who was a shocker (and still can be). I am convinced after trying lots of techniques that it is just her. Stick to your instincts and what works best for you - it can take ages to change routines etc. I used to put her in the pram and hit the streets when it all got too much - and she was beside herself and refusing to sleep, most often she would snooze there. That is not much help for your rest/housework but sleep seems to promote sleep!!!!
If you are feeling it get too much then try to get some support for yourself - time out so you can be refreshed and ready to approach things again.
If you are interested there is a podcast of some tips for sleep by QEC - a M&B unit in Melb. I was surprised as they use gentle techniques in the bubs section. It may be of some assistance to you.
My #2 is 10months and looks like she only needs one sleep to at the moment. I only leave her to yahoo for 20mins and then get her up again. We then keep going with our day until I spot another tired sign - and try again. Who know if it is a transition or just how her days have panned out - but I am much kinder to myself about it this time. SLeeping is not a measure of your parenting skills, just harder to handle if you don't get much of it!!!
Hang in there - all bubs are different and you need to find an option you are happy with. I really regretted trying CIO techniques with DD1 as a) I didn't believe in them and felt pressured into it and b) it didn;t work for us!!!!
So much is changing for them - teeth, crawling, food, talking..... and they can't tell us what is going on. I often remind DH of this when he complains that things are unsettled again. I need a reminder too some days!
You are doing a great job - make sure you celebrate your successes no matter how small and be kind to yourself!

ALso DD1 was a great sleeper at childcare - just not at home! MAybe it was all the extra stimulation - or the less emphasis placed on it!!!