I can't do it anymore :(

[Yowie]

I just want to sit in a corner and cry, but I will sit on bb and cry instead. DS's sleep or nor sleep has broken me. He is nearly 18 months old, he goes to bed around 8-9pm. At night it takes up to 2 hours, sometimes longer lately to get him to sleep, I have to lay down with him to get him to sleep otherwise he just gets out of bed. He then wakes up around 12, he settles quickly. At about 1 to 2am he wakes up again and won't settle unless I take him in my bed. He wakes once between then and 4.30 then at about 4.30am he wants a bottle. He then goes back to sleep but is very restless, waking every 15 to 30 minutes until he gets up between 8 or 9. He has 1 day sleep for about 1.5hrs in the afternoon, I have to lay down to get him to sleep then too.
I am tired, not just tired from no sleep but tired from doing this every day and don't know what to do anymore. I got 30 days before the baby is born and I can't even cope with DS atm. DH is getting really cracky about DS's sleep. He wants to shut him in his room to get him to sleep, I can't do that. Because I won't do that it is my fault it takes 2+hours to get him to sleep.


Thanks for reading. Any advice would be great.

[Berenice]

I'm sorry hun, I have no kids so no advice for you - but I wanted to send you and sleep vibes for DS

[Ella]

Oh you poor thing it can be so hard.

I have jsut gone through the same thing DS is 9 months old and I settle him to sleep on the booby and even then sometimes he cries when I go to put him dowm. I was like you and couldn't bare to think of shutting the door on him cause I felt like a monster. BUT..... after listening to the girls at my mothers group the other day I have tried a new technique which DS has adapted to in just 3 days. It's not fool proof and sometimes I do still have to settle him btu I'll write what I have been doing.

Feed DS, take him to bed and lie him down. Say "Good night sleep time now" then shut door and sit down outside for two minutes.

If DS is not asleep by 2 minutes, go into room, lie DS down again say "good night sleep time now" and go out of room, this time for 4 minutes.

Repeat up to 15 minutes.

DS struggled the first couple of times but has really quickly learnt that I am there if anything goes wrong. Seems the balance of being left alone for larger and larger time frames lulls them into a sense of calm.

I don't know if this will work for you or if you are willing to try, but I know for me it's one step on a long road to a good nights sleep!!!

[Oorki Galoorki]

i would definatly recomend getting elizabeth pantley no cry sleep solutions for toddlers.

she recomends starting the sleep routine at about 5 so they are in bed by 7
thats is dinner bath, books....ect

i would also recomend you DH taking over some of the night parenting so that your son is used to it when your bub comes along as if your feeding the baby you cant tend to him aswell.

there is nothing wrong with him sleeping with you(even when you have baby) it will make him feel more secure too

[Mak]

Mum2 -
My 3yo is a really bad sleeper - always has been and honestly there is not much we haven't tried. It is not your fault - just how your DS is, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
We had similar issues at 18months and then again when DD2 was born.
What you need is to find the best fit for you both - I found trying to leave her with door shut etc only escalated the anxiety on her part. In the end I found that I had to keep her nap in the day shorter, I limited to 1 hr on the days I could bear it (initially very hard to do) and made sure she was up before 3.30pm. We'd head out to the garden/park and do very physical things for an hour - then we'd come home and start winding down. So dinner was 5.30 if possible, then a bath and books and bed - I was strict about timing and she was in bed at 7pm each night. I'd read 2 books in bed, we'd talk about the same things each night so she could predict the routine....I still ask what her fav part of the day was, tell her mine, praise her for something I was really proud/pleased with and then tell her how much I love her. DD was pretty clingy and seemed to be quite stressed about where I was so I explained that I had some jobs to do and then I would be going to bed. Initially I sat next to her reading a book, I explained that I would sit there until she slept but I would not talk to her. So no eye contact etc and no talking....I gradually moved out of the room and into the hall way. It did take some time and she is a little older but it really seemed to elleviate the anxst without her getting superstressed. I would also tell her that I wasn't going anywhere and that even though she couldn't see me I was still there and loved her etc.... this may seem OTT but it really helped as I guess she needed to be able to talk herself through it....
I felt bullied into other options and all they did was make things worse - so trust your gut and instinct and follow it. It is really hard to be patient when all you need is some sleep, especially when you dread what is coming up for the night. Hang in there you will get through this. I used to feel like a failure about DD1 sleep but I look back and wish I had trusted myself as I believe I would have been far more relaxed and excepting of our own situation rather than beat myself up about it. FWIW - DH was and still is pretty impatient about it being 'fixed', not very helpful when you need support.
HTH - sorry it was soooooooooooo long! Perhaps read it to DS before bed, lol!!!

[marcellus]

How very difficult for all of you!
I also recommend the Elizabeth Pantley books, they've been very helpful to me.
And I agree: don't blame yourself, some kids are just bad sleepers and what works great for some will not work for you - you do have to follow your instincts, guided by your intimate knowledge of your child.
A few ideas to throw at you:
Bed time routine - at least 1 hour before bed
An earlier bedtime (Pantley reckons 6:30-7:30 is ideal time for most kids, and would agree; at least for my son anyway)
Lots of exercise during the day
Diet - could there be something he's eating that's disrupting his sleep?
The timing of his nap (ie, not too late in the afternoon)
And basically, what Mak and Doudou said
Really hope you can get some better rest soon (and I'm sure your boy needs it too) and feel free to come and cry on bb anytime you need.

[Yowie]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. After posting on here today dh took ds out so I could have a sleep, after I totally broke down. I slept until 1.30 then I tried getting ds to sleep but he just wanted to stand on his head so after 10mins we got up, so he didn't have a day sleep. This afternoon we done singstar, played cars, started doing bubs room, then at about 4pm we went outside and ds played for over a hour. We came in at 5.20, washed hands, picked up toys, had dinner, shower, bottle & read books on the lounge. He sat there the whole time I was reading, looking at the pictures & pointing to things, normally he won't sit still enough to read 1 book but we read 3 book twice. Got in bed at 7pm and he was sound asleep at 7.10. Less than 10 minutes not 2 hours. He has woken up once already but he was asleep again within 3 minutes. That's ok, not expecting miracles overnight. Fingers crossed for a better night tonight. I will let you know tomorrow how we go.

Should I cut out the day sleep totally?

Thanks again.

[marcellus]

That's awesome! And so glad your DH helped out so you could get a break. Everything is easier if you've had a bit of sleep.
I would say play it by ear - at his age he probably still needs a nap, but then again, all kids are different. Maybe try getting him down at the first signs of tiredness and, like today, if it's not working after 15 minutes or so just give it up. You can always try again a little bit later if he seems like he needs it.
Really hope tonight is better for you

[Janie]

Sounds like a better night, that's great!

FWIW, Elizabeth Pantley suggests that nearly all kids will need a day nap until at least 3. She thinks it's really important in promoting good night sleeping. Can you tell I highly recommend her books too? The toddler one is brilliant.

My DS has never been a good sleeper, we have had many baaaaad patches. But I can happily say that once he hit two, we have started to see the light, and I'm sooooo happy we stuck to the no-cry stuff . We see improvements all the time, which is really reassuring.

Good luck

[Yowie]

Thanks Marcellus.

Thanks Janie. Do you know where you can buy it from? BB store doesn't have it.

[Mak]

Yay!! Great job Mum and Dad!

[Kmn]

Angus and Robertson have it -get the toddler one rather than the baby one if you can.

[Janie]

Yep, the toddler one will be best for you. I'm pretty seek books (online) have it too.

[Yowie]

Thank ladies. I have found it online, I will have a look in the bookshop here first if they don't have it I will get it online. Now for the update, ds still woke up a fair bit but not as much as usual. He got up at 8.30am, I think 7pm to 8.30am is pretty good . And he has been a different kid, no tantrums, just happy. He is having a nap now, went to sleep at 2pm. I can't believe alot of our problems was from him not having enough sleep, I feel so stupid . Thank you for all your help and advice. I don't think I could have continued the way we were going much longer.

[marcellus]

Nah, you're not stupid! Parenting is all just trial and error
If you haven't already bought it, you could check out your local library catalogue, that's where I got it.

[Rahjah]

Hi there...

reading your post was so close to reading my own words lately! I have been almost flippin bezerk with my own 18 month old - can I suggest, Pinky McKay does phone consultations if you like? I made an appt but it didn't work out but I'm still thinking about chasing her up although things seem to be HOPEFULLY settling down.

I have read a bit though about an 18 month sleep regression which seems to be very common. Although DS has always been a crap sleeper but I'm not often tearing my hair out.

So I don't have too many useful suggestions except that this IS a phase and it WILL change and you're NOT doing anything wrong! The trick...is survival!

Hang in there xx