After advice

[Daydream Believer]

Im after some advice.

DD has been a bad sleeper since she was born, she has only slept through the night once, at 3 months old. On a good night she wakes 5-6 times on a bad night she wakes 8+
She is 1 on Monday & I have had enough.

She wont take a dummy or a bottle, she wont sleep in a cot, she screams & wines & if you dont go in she gets hysterical & it takes hours to settle her down.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to go to the sleep school because I have been told all they do is controlled crying, which doesnt work on her and I dont really want to do it.

So any ideas would be good.

Thanks

[Lady Zaidie]

Do you need to cuddle to sleep always?

I made sure DS had a special toy to cuddle from birth, which helps. He can take any other favourite toy to bed, so long as he doesn't play with it. But he usually cuddles up to his bunny and squirrel monkey soft toys. (Didn't start working until 13m though!)

Try putting your DD to bed with the t-shirt you've worn all day so she still smells you at night.

Get your DF to re-settle. You need sleep too!

What calms down in the day? DS loves me patting his bum, so I started to do that to get him to sleep. YES he did cry a bit at first, but soon calmed down (couple of minutes). I also sing to him when he's really distraught. He knows his special sleepy songs and they calm him. We've had him screaming and pushing me away some nights so I just sing "Mammy loves Liebling" until he calms down enough to let me hold him then he lies down.

I also find telling DS what I expect helps. "It is bedtime, after our story we turn out the light, say prayers then go to sleep." Then "Amen. Close eyes and go to sleep time." I'll give him a kiss on his forehead and say "Goodnight, God bless and sweet dreams. Mammy loves thee." That's his cue to close his eyes. If he's really wiggly then I sing a song about his bedtime toys going to sleep and that sends him off quite well.

Good luck!

[~Saram~]

sleeping problems are terrible aren't they - cause you are so exhausted you can't even begin to think of what to do next! Both mine were terrible sleepers but now I mostly get a full night sleep - mostly :-)

What are your DD sleeps like during the day?
Have you ruled out anything medical/physical that could be waking her like reflux, ear infections, teething also having a chiropractic adjustment and looking into food intolerances can help too.
Have a look at Elisabeth Pantly's no cry sleep solution, it has gentle solutions for all sorts of families from co-sleeping to cot sleeping, breast feeding, bottlefeeding, patting, feeding to sleep - everything.

Basically she gets you to journal you sleep schedule, work on a bedtime routine like dinner, bath, (low lighting, low stimulating environment) brushing teeth, stories, bed.

She also looks at loveies like Lady Zardie was talking about, a cuddly toy or something that stays with them and also looks at the way they fall asleep and sleep cycles. If bub falls asleep on the breast or being rocked when they momentarily wake during a sleep cycle they suddenly realise that is gone and wake themselves up fully. She has an excellent way of gently removing those settling techniques so you get bub to sleep without them - giving them more chance of sleeping through. Does that make sense???

[heliana]

wow I could have written that word for word when dd was one.
I had had enough too, and went to the doctor to ask if I could try fenergen..
well he lectured me for half an hour on child abuse and didn't offer any help. She was waking 10+ times a night and had been since birth (funnily enough, the only time she slept through was once at 3 months too)
Anyway the point of this is, a. it does get better so hang in there, and b. although I had tried similar things before, the one thing I found that did help was a routine that my auntie found in a newspaper clipping not long after. It was proven to help in a university study.
It goes 1. bath, 2.massage in bed, 3. quiet time in bed talking or singing songs or whatever - but with the lights off, and 4. put them to sleep in the usual way (for dd this was bf). These steps are in succession (eg don't go out to the kitchen or to telly in between) and from memory it was total of 1 - 1/2hrs. But I didn't worry to much about how long it took. It really did work for her. I had tried routines (and everything else before, but this one did work and I think the main thing was the time in the dark.
Also I would like to recommend an osteopath who specialises in children. There is a good one in brisbane, but I think there is an association that you can ring and ask who is near you. I took dd to one last year as she'd started waking up alot again and it also really helped.
So good luck. Hope this helps you.

[heliana]

Is she in a cot or your bed?
I remember reading a great book (which I will remember the name of and put it in) but basically it made me feel a lot better about co-sleeping so I stopped worrying about it and stopped trying to sneak dd back into her cot.
DD seems to have that personality where she needs to be close, even now she likes to snuggle to go to sleep, and if I am sitting in a chair, she will be on top of me instead of sitting in her own chair.
Anyway, I just thought Id mention it because that was a big thing for me, to stop fighting her and accept that that was her personality and if she needed to be near me to sleep then that was ok.

[demongrrl23]

I had so much trouble with DD2 (who's now 3) and her sleeping, as it seemed the only place she wanted to sleep was in the big bed, and she too would wake up multiple times during the night.
Once she was about 14-15 months I moved her into her own bed, and I found then it was quite easy to establish a routine for bedtime, one we stick to to this day. Ive also found that if she feels the need to get up during the night (which she still does) she is able to get out of bed and come for us, as opposed to feeling trapped in by her cot, which I think added to her distress.
We have dinner, bath, quiet time with a bit of TV, say good night to everyone, tuck into bed, read a story then say good night with light left on, once shes asleep I turn it off. In the beginning too I played some nice gentle music and stayed in the room until she drifted off...no talking and no making eye contact, just being a presence in her room so she knows shes not alone.
I would also recommend using Brauers Calm solution too, just at bedtime, to help you establish a routine...this is readily available from the chemist and is a homeopathic remedy. It can also be administered 4 hourly during the night so if she wakes up you can give her some of that and help her settle again.

[Daydream Believer]

Thank you so much for your replies. I will start trying some of those tonight.

Generally she is breast fed to sleep at night but we are trying to cut out BF all together. During the day I have to rock her to sleep in the rocker and she sleeps from 45min-1 1/2 hours. Once in the morning and once in the arvo. About 10-1030am & again around 3-330.
She co-sleeps with me out because I got sick of walking up & down the hall upteen times a night & DF has slept on the couch since Christmas because he doesnt want to roll on her and its the only way he gets some sleep for work

I have also considered getting a toddler bed for her so she doesnt have high bars right the way around her & its lower to the ground so I dont have to worry about her falling out.

Thanks again for the repies

[heliana]

Maybe you could get her a todler bed (target has one on special at the moment) and put it up beside your bed... although, dd has a lovely bed and still prefers to snuggle up with me
Its really unlikely your husband would roll on her, but so he doesn't worry, can you put your bed up against the wall and dd on the wall side of you and your husband on the other?
I think the book I was talking about is Pinky Mckay, 'Sleeping like a Baby'. Its good. you can get it from the library.
Do you need to wean now? I remember this age being a really bad stage with dd and sleep, so it might be easier to put it off till you get through this stage?
Anyway good luck with trying all the suggestions.

[marcellus]

Hi
We ended up sleeping DS on a mattress on teh floor from around 8 months cause he wouldn't sleep in the cot. It helped immensely.
We have also recently night weaned and having DH get up to him really made a difference - do you have help at night? Sometimes if they're used to feeding to sleep the only thing that works is a complete break for a while, which means someone else needs to settle them.
The no cry sleep solution was helpful for us when DS was younger.
Recently he's also started to cuddle toys in the night a bit, so that is probably also worth a try. Like most things though, it will probably require some persistence on your part to get her to accept different comforts.
Some kids are just very sensitive in that everything upsets their sleep. DS is having a really hard time with teethign at the moment and is getting maybe 8 hours of sleep a night. He's quite, errr, difficult these days. But once he has a break he'll be better (at least for a little while)
good luck with your changes