recently weaned toddler now can't get him to sleep

[skeetaboat]

Hi all, I have posted this over in the breastfeeding forum but not much response there...


I have recently fully weaned my toddler. Every couple of days he still asks for a feed, particularly at nap time, bed time or first thing in the morning.

He's now a nightmare to get to sleep, both for naps and at bed time. He'll stay up until 11:30 - midnight, until finally he's so exhausted he gives up and goes to sleep.

We have a bed time routine - it's supposed to be bath, books, bed (it used to be bath, books, boob, bed). However, it just doesn't work. He prefers bath, books, play for another 2 or 3 hours, bed.

He hates going to bed while anyone else is still awake. So we've started turning everything off and going to bed ourselves at 9:30pm (which is the time we'd like him to go to bed). He hates this and screams and screams. Last night he fought and screamed for 2 hours and eventually went to sleep sobbing at 11:45pm.

I think part of the problem is that he's growing out of his nap. It's been getting later and later (used to be 11am - 12:30 or 1pmish, now it's more like 2pm - 4pm). I try to get him down earlier but because I've stopped feeding to sleep, I can't get him down most days until he's ready. Even then it's a struggle. I've also tried waking him up early (only letting him sleep for 45mins or an hour instead of two hours), but he wakes up grumpy as hell and is a nightmare for about 2 hours until he wakes up properly again. THis is what we did yesterday and it certainly didn't get him to bed earlier (11:45pm last night). I've also tried not letting him have a nap at all but by 6pm he's exhausted, difficult, crying, and won't let me put him down at all. He's too exhausted to eat and ends ups going to bed without dinner so I'm not sure that this is a good solution.

He has never gone to bed early (always about 9-9:30 pm), which is fine for our routine. If he could go to bed at 9-9:30 again that would be perfect.

He can settle himself to sleep. When he spends time with other people (daycare, grandparents, etc) he goes down for a nap very easily. Simply gets in bed and falls asleep. With me, I go to bed with him and lie next to him until he falls asleep, except that's not really working (he just gets up again).

He sleeps on a mattress on the floor in his own room. He's 24 months old. He full-time co-slept until about 14 months and part-time co-slept until I night weaned him at about 21 months, when he started sleeping through the night in his own bed.I stopped feeding him to sleep about 2 or 3 weeks ago. He still asks for milk at nap and bedtime sometimes, so I wouldn't say he's fully weaned *just* yet. I'm 6 months pregnant and don't want to tandem feed. I don't believe in cry-it-out methods and would never do cry-it-out.

So... what do I do?? We (both me and his dad) are tearing our hair out. We can't afford to be up until midnight every night.

Should we just persevere with everyone-going-to-bed-at-9:30pm thing and wait 'til he eventually just 'gets it' that this is bed time and there's nothing else to do but go to sleep? How long will it take for him to get it??

Is there something I can put in the bath like lavendar oil that will make him sleepy?

Should I just stop worrying about it and let it sort itself out naturally as he stops having naps and starts going to bed earlier?? If I do this, how long does it take to 'grow out' of naps?

Has anyone else experienced problems in going to bed when their toddler starts taking late naps? How did you handle it?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences, especially from anyone who has weaned their toddler and then had trouble getting them to go down to sleep.

Sorry for such a long post. Thanks heaps to anyone who responds.

[doudou]

how old is he?
wouold you let him have that feed he asks for?
as it was a parent inforced wean it appears he really wasnt ready for it i have been weaning my dd since just before 18 months(we will still be feeding at 2) i slowly dropped the feeds associated with bed

have you called the aba? they will probably be able to give more helpful ideas

[skeetaboat]

Hi doudou, he's 24 months old. I don't want to let him have the feed he's asking for because I'm 6 months pregnant and don't want to tandem feed. I don't want him to blame the baby for not being able to have milk, hence why I'm doing the final wean now so there's a few months in between. I started weaning gradually about 6 months ago, mostly using don't offer, don't refuse, and being a bit more directive when I had particular goals (like night-weaning).

He seems to be coping ok other than asking for it now and then when he's tired. He accepts if I say no. It's just that I've got no effective way of getting him to sleep now.

[Ozziehoffy]

Oooh I went through the same thing!! I weaned Oskar at 19 months cos I was pg and it was hurting to feed him. I dropped morning one first and that was the easiest for sure. Then the nap one and tried cuddles which worked for about a week and it took months I reckon before he'd go down without too much of a fight OR I'd drive him to sleep then transfer into his bed and now he's pretty good and goes down easily most of the time. Bed time was definitely the hardest! He would do what your little fella is doing. We started doing warmed cows milk cos it works in a similar way with sleepy hormones and reading books, then he'd lay on his fold out lounge and one of us would sit there patting him bum until he went to sleep. That was fine for a couple of months then he was trying to get up and run off or wanted to see tv or whatever it was so we transferred to him in his cot and we had to lay on the bed and "pretend" to sleep so he would go to sleep until eventually he went down on his own. It was a really long process to be honest and made up of baby steps. These days (mostly) he walks up to bed himself and is happy to go about 9pm.

He does still nap during the day - usually on average 1 1/2 - 2 hours and usually around 2-4pm.

I hope I've answered something?? I'm not going to sugar coat it or lie, but it was a difficult and a time consuming journey made up of baby steps as I mentioned before. It's not easy I guess for a little one to jump out of their comfort zone like that BUT they do cope and they do adjust. As for asking for boob, from about a month before Elijah was born Oskar started to ask for it every now and then and at times now he does too. I've let him try so he doesn't feel like he's missing something and funnily enough he doesn't even remember how to "suck" it. So he'd only been weaned about 4 months - found that interesting.

[MantaRay]

I thought of something else hun. Does he drink any sort of milk? If so maybe a drink of that before bed would help. Just a thought.