Why are my girls like this-I need some serious advice - Pregnancy, Birth & Baby Forums ~ BellyBelly

pantswearer · #1 (**permalink**) March 15th, 2009, 04:15 PM

My girls are 22 months apart, and all they do is fight, hit, punch, dob, scream, yell, whatever they can do to be nasty to each other, its driving me mental, they have had to share a room because im pregnant with #3 and that just made it worse, they dnt have their own space, when they want their own space one will slam the door in other ones face causing ANOTHER fight and tantrum and more screaming for me to deal with.
They dnt listen to me, i have tried discipine like time out. taking away toys (which they dnt have alot of coz they wreck or loose them). On the weekend when they are both home I am totally exausted by 1pm and hanging out for bed time as bad as that sounds.
They can be loving towards each other but it lasts all of 1min before the other one gets sick of it and it turns into stuffing around.
I tell them 100000 times a day to not run in the house, to not throw themselves at the wall, its like im spending ALL day saying "dont dont dont"
I need something somesort of method because ill have a newborn soon and i just cant have them running riot around the house and waking him every 10seconds..

blue_hebe · #2 (**permalink**) March 15th, 2009, 07:20 PM

I can't say I have any experience with this (ie no children of my own)....It sounds incredibly frustrating. My sister and I were about 3 years apart and did our fair share of fighting when we were younger. We shared a room too...

Are there any activities that your daughters can do by themselves (ie not together)? Is it any better that way, or so they just try to distract each other?

Would you older daughter enjoy teaching your younger daughter something new? I remember my sister learnt the recorder at school and I loved it when she come home and gave me a lesson!

Do you have a library nearby? Perhaps Moni (I've just noticed the names in your signiture!) could choose some books for Miah to read to her.

Good luck!

pantswearer · #3 (**permalink**) March 16th, 2009, 08:31 AM

Miah tries to read to moni but Moni gets sick of it in the end, miah even tries to teach moni to read but moni will eventually just get sick of it and push the book away.
They will sit down and draw but moni doesnt like it when miah is quiet so she will try be nasty & scribble on miahs drawing or put dots on it or bump miah so she messes it up, same things happens at tea time, moni will put food on miahs plate or touch her food with sauce (miah HATES sauce) I have to put one at each end of the table at meal times.

Im starting to think Montana has some sort of behavioural issue but then again when she is on her own she is magic.

Lulu · #4 (**permalink**) March 16th, 2009, 08:52 AM

You just have to keep them busy. It's the only thing that works for me, but its hard because they can't play together (have to have the same crayon etc), so I have one at one end of the house and the other with me, then I swap.

pantswearer · #5 (**permalink**) March 16th, 2009, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lulu2

You just have to keep them busy. It's the only thing that works for me, but its hard because they can't play together (have to have the same crayon etc), so I have one at one end of the house and the other with me, then I swap.

But how do u manage to keep one at one end of the house while the other is with you, my girls wouldnt have a bar of that without MAJOR crying and "thats not fair" statements

Lulu · #6 (**permalink**) March 16th, 2009, 09:55 AM

I do it by stealth...

Get one absorbed in one thing (tv, blocks, drawing), then quietly grab the other one and start an activity down the end of the house, but usually I give them little housework jobs to do with me.
Generally, the older one likes to get stuck into something interesting, but the younger one does all she can to thwart him, knock things over etc. So I say sympathetically - 'here, I'll get her out of your way darling" and he is thrilled to be left alone..

I only get about 30 mins each time, but I break up the day as much as I can. Sometimes I even pit the little buggers against each other to see who can pick up more toys at cleanup time

Although now DS is more patient I'm looking for activities that will have them working together to achieve things so they can appreciate each other more.

Bathsheba · #7 (**permalink**) March 16th, 2009, 12:55 PM

Sounds like you need some "back up". Your girls sound a bit like my boys at the end of the day. Most of the time they are ok... but during the witching hour (6 - 7pm) they act just as you described. I'm worried my older 5yoDS is going to break my 2yoDs's fingers in a slammed door one day!

One tip is to be aware that children of that age still reflect the mood of people around them. If you get agitated (I KNOW how hard it is not to!) then they will get worse. What I find works best is when my Dh comes home from work. in a good mood, not too tired and creates a fresh outlook. He calmly diffuses it by using distraction "hey who wants their bath first? They'll get the biggest bubbles!" while encouraging the other one to do something somewhere else (Lulu's 'divide and conquer' strategy is great!).

Personally this is where a member of ones extended family should be stepping in... an aunt or uncle to say; "hey, calm down, listen to your mum". Us poor mums have a bad deal these days... kids just tune out too quickly because we do it solo for too long. JMO.

pantswearer · #8 (**permalink**) March 17th, 2009, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bathsheba

Sounds like you need some "back up". Your girls sound a bit like my boys at the end of the day. Most of the time they are ok... but during the witching hour (6 - 7pm) they act just as you described. I'm worried my older 5yoDS is going to break my 2yoDs's fingers in a slammed door one day!

One tip is to be aware that children of that age still reflect the mood of people around them. If you get agitated (I KNOW how hard it is not to!) then they will get worse. What I find works best is when my Dh comes home from work. in a good mood, not too tired and creates a fresh outlook. He calmly diffuses it by using distraction "hey who wants their bath first? They'll get the biggest bubbles!" while encouraging the other one to do something somewhere else (Lulu's 'divide and conquer' strategy is great!).

Personally this is where a member of ones extended family should be stepping in... an aunt or uncle to say; "hey, calm down, listen to your mum". Us poor mums have a bad deal these days... kids just tune out too quickly because we do it solo for too long. JMO.

We have no family that lives around here unfortunatley, I wish we did coz i could do with someone taking the girls every now and then.

Bathsheba · #9 (**permalink**) March 17th, 2009, 12:48 PM

I find that even when we have a freind or family member visit that my kids are better behaved... we don't have anyone to 'take our kids for a while' either but every so often someone will come over and visit which helps a bit. My kids have an uncle who is a primary school teacher... he's great... he just has to ask the kids whether they have heard me and they slow right down. He doesn't lecture them or anything.

Are your girls better when you take them out? Or do they fight in public as well?

pantswearer · #10 (**permalink**) March 17th, 2009, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bathsheba

I find that even when we have a freind or family member visit that my kids are better behaved... we don't have anyone to 'take our kids for a while' either but every so often someone will come over and visit which helps a bit. My kids have an uncle who is a primary school teacher... he's great... he just has to ask the kids whether they have heard me and they slow right down. He doesn't lecture them or anything.

Are your girls better when you take them out? Or do they fight in public as well?

They dnt so much as fight in public, they get into mischief together like running off or pretending to cuddle and knocking each other to the ground, picking everything up, yelling and jumping around

tattoo_mama · #11 (**permalink**) March 17th, 2009, 06:11 PM

hmm sorry i havent got much adivce, expect to say i HAAAATEd my lil sister when i was a kid (actually probably til a yr ago when she got mature, im 22 shes 17) and spent most of my childhood making her miserable and her dobbing on me in turn making my life suck cause i was getting in trouble. i can only just tolerate her now she still does my head in but were both still alive and my mother isnt completely insane haha

angelaartsstudent · #12 (**permalink**) March 18th, 2009, 09:12 AM

I know this doesn't help but my sister and I are 13 month apart. We've never got on very well and still don't.

There have been some shocking fights as children and my parents sometimes just dealt with it like this becuase there was nothing else they could do:

sister (crying): Amanda hit me!
dad: Well don't annoy her. She's bigger than you and therefore hits harder.

The other week the family was all in the one spot (sadly for a funeral) and people were asking my mum if sister and I spend time together. She basically said "Yeah, right!".