Feeling like a cant cope anymore

[melham74]

I have 4 children the middle two a 7 and 8 both boys and are turning into little ..... from the moment they open ther eyes we here yelling cody stop annoying me, luke dont talk ect ect they refuse no matter what I do to clean thier room, if they do do it they put all under the bed, wont take resposibility for their stuff and bed time is a nightmare 3 hrs of fighting with eachother before they go to sleep, I have tried taking things away talking to them a rewards system but it just doesnt change, I am ready to throttle the both of them, the do the samr to DH as well, It makes it worse DH changed jobs and now works nights, got home at 7 this morning and couldnt go to bed as they were really bad this morning, I dont want ds 3 thinking it is ok to do this when he is older, I said to them when I dropped them off at school today when they come home they are going straight to their room no tv no playing ect they can come out for tea and straight back to their room, thinking of doing it for a week any suggestions appreciated.,

[Mum0809]

Awww I can so relate. I got no advice, just the same problem and I to don't know how to fix it but I just wanted to give you a and understand where you are at.

This is wrong but if the kids are playing up my partner will say right you 2 arent going to the party now. there good for a couple of days then when they ask about the party he says nah it was on the weekend you didnt go because you where naughty they behave for a little while longer cause they never know when a party will pop up.

my 4yr old boy and 6yr old girl fight like cat and dog. i think to myself arent you two meant to love each other and want to be play mates. isnt my oldest old enough and smart enough to not want to fight. I cant believe what they do to each other and then i remember i used to do the same to my little brother.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Do either of your boys get on really well with your youngest son??? I would give them their own space, if you can, and get one to share a room with DS3. Maybe put DS3 with DD, and let the boys have their own room, for just a while??

My 11 yr is already waiting for my 2 yr old son to share with him , rather than the 8 yr old.

Maybe they need to be apart more often, need their own space, and not have to fight for it??
Maybe convert some of the garage for awhile?? I think boys esp. need some down time, esp at their ages. Hormones are just a wink away!!

Good luck honey....

[Sammiejane]

Im sorry that you are having a tough time
I cant really relate as i am just starting our family....

BUT with the room thing, my sister and i were both shockers... one day Mum had enough of asking and asking and us doing the same as yous, hiding stuff under the bed etc, that she went into our room and anything that was not put away or dumped under the bed or the floor of the wardrobe was put into a massive garbage bag... the contents of this bag was strew over the back yard when we got home from school..
Anything was that not put away that evening went in the bin! we kept our rooms pretty tidy after that

Dont know if any of that is a help.
Good luck

[Marydean]

Your local community health system might have a behaviour support unit you can contact for some support. When my DH first started working OS, my DD1 (then 8 yo) started kicking up bigtime, so I asked for help. A really lovely kind lady came to our house, observed the dynamics, and gave me some secret mummy strategies for coping. Basically it's all about making the consequences fall back on them, but also creating positive family time that they want as a reward. This might mean 1/2 hour of special time before they go to bed, playing a game, reading a book with mum and/or dad (tv doesn't count LOL). Then each night, the amount of time they muck around after bedtime gets deducted from the next night's bedtime, and they miss out on family time. Eg, if they usually go to bed at 8.00 and they muck up for an hour, then the next night's bedtime becomes 7.00pm. Trust me this works like a charm. Also you could try to stagger their bed times so one goes to bed half an hour before the next one. Anyway that's just one trick they taught me, of many. HTH