feeling abused by adult children

[sue1386]

i am so sick of being abused and used by my adult kids!

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when my kids need me i go to the end of the earth to help them , spend whatever it takes to help them, go to such a huge extent.

Once one of my kids wasnt doing well and for years i had to give them massive levels of support eg take them away at weekends as they couldnt cope with daily life and help solve many things work, sleep, health, boyfriend, friends.

I spent money i didnt really have with love and now she is flourishing.

she recently had a crisis with her boyfriend and again i helped save the day.

yet suddenly she is turning on me as she feels criticised of the damage she did during a recent crisis of a sibling, actions she took and kept taking that actually were putting the sibling in danger.

another child also went through a terrible crisis recently and i had to do so much to help her and it was so difficult and nervewracking but it helped to get her back to her old energetic healthy self or do much better. next thing i know she is backstabbing and angry.

i am sick of being the punching bag and scapegoat of rude temperamental children.

i am sick of helping them without hesitation in very difficult situations only to be turned on the second they are doing ok,

and yet i know i probably will be like a relative of mine who was abused by her child terribly and yet would come with love and help whenver she could and whenver she was needed.

at present i am feeling distraught at being used as a scapegoat and punching back of 2 very rude and nasty children, after going to the end of the earth to help them time and time again.

[kirsty_lee]

You know what darl, and this might be hard. (I am not sure how old your kids are sorry) But if that's the way they want to treat you then play the game! You sound like an AMAZING mother, my mother certainly didn't do half of that for me, total opposite really. And you know how the old saying goes "you don't realise what you've got until it's gone?". Take a step back, take some time to do something that makes YOU happy. Stop trying to sort out their problems and make them stand on their own two feet and sort it out themselves. When they realise how much you do for them they'll come crawling back. You need boundaries. And if this is the way you have to teach them to pull their heads in then so be it! you wouldn't let a total stranger treat you like that, so definately don't let your family. They need to learn sometime, and it may seem harsh but in a way your still parenting kwim? Your teaching them not to be so self centred. They are old enough (I am assuming) to deal with their own problems. Of course they can ask for help, but you are their mother and they need to learn to treat you with a bit of respect.

[sue1386]

thanks well said and much appreciated.

i know when it comes to it i wont hesitate to ehlp them probably though again. i have alot of life experience
and even just taking them away regains their perspective when they arent coping.

one had a baby on her own at age 19 doesnt drive has phobias around driving doesnt have a washer dryer and understandably needs breaks. i also went on ebay and got her all she needed for months so that she could focus on being a good mum

yet do they hesitate to stabe me in the back.

yes what you say it very true. whether i will put it in practice if my child were in a hellish crisis, probably not.

3 years ago some of my kids did things that i never ever recovered from
yet when one spiraled downwards and needed me i was there for her and for ther other and for any of them.

one of them apologised and took responsibility and another just said she wont be upset about thigns she did when she wasnt well. and yet now she is doing similar things

the wise self says she isnt handling thigns well forgive her let her be

but the massive distress and hurt i am facing from very traumatic actions she has taken to hurt me suddenly make me nver ever feel like being around her again.

some families work together in a crisis and some make the crisis 10 times bigger by also backstabbing each other. thats whats happening currently. i'm sick of being the loving patient giving forgiving understanding onewho is therefore an easy target for abuse scapegoating and emotional stabbing.

but right now i feel like i never ever want to have anythign to do with them that i want to build a happy life in work and relationship without them.

[sue1386]

the crisis with her boyfriend was a normal stage of moving intogether and him being home alot between jobs so alot of issues built up. instead of communicating my daughter was just going to leave when he was away.

i have life experince to know what was going on and i kept encouraging her and putting words in her mouth of expressing herself and encouraging her to talk to him a few times calmly and even a few times with acounseller and they saved a very good relationship that was almost gone with her lack of life experience.

the one with the baby had a massive crisis recently and alot of people were really bringing her down. i took her away, listened to her so much, supported her so much and spoilt and uplifted her, only to be backstabbed the second her energy picke up and we were back..

the wise voice says be understanding she is going through hell

but truly i no longer wish to be abused hurt distressed treated so nastill time and time again. what they have done recently is just horrific. i didnt think i could get up today from feeling so delirious from the hurt and distress they have caused me.