What does she do now? (Long)

[mrsmac]

Google - Borderline personality disorder, not sure if this fits all her behaviours but you may find some answers. Its a fairly newish diagnosis and is not recognised by all in mental health but may be worth exploring.

[diannescruffy]

I'm only thinking out loud here but what is her school work like, is it possible she has learning difficulty. Thinking back to her grade 3 episode of skipping the day, often children who have learning difficulties will misbehave to take away the attention from their school work, just a thought.

Regards,
Dianne

[Ammaki]

School work is non existent...she plays up in class which is the reason for all of her suspensions, do you think a tutour would help?

[diannescruffy]

A tutor would help but only if she's prepared to put in the work. I would be speaking to the school they really should be providing her with (not sure what they are called) but at my kids school they have aids who help one-on-one with the children who have learning difficulties and they also have special programmes which they run for these kids. The school should be doing more for her. This could have a great deal to do with her actions, she may be getting picked on at school, other kids seeing that she is not as smart as them etc.

Regards,
Dianne

[mrsmac]

I would see if the school counsellor wcan give her an academic assesment to see if there are any underlying learning difficulties.
I think a teacher's aid would embarrass her and wouldn't work but some tutoring would be good.

[Dr. Tal]

Hey Amy,

One very big thing that your sister has going for her is an obviously supportive family. You'd be surprised what a difference that can make. Something else that says there is still a lot of hope is that she doesn't want to be that way and she apologises for it.

My mum teaches 6th 7th and 8th graders with emotional and behavioral disabilites (so a similar age group to your sister). If you don't have a problem with it, I'll copy your post and e-mail it to her and see if she knows of any 'disability' type that matches some of the stuff you've written.

I know one thing that sticks in my mind, and I don't know whether mum was telling me about it or I saw it on TV somewhere or where I got it from. But there was a girl who had outbursts, similarish to your sisters (and from memory she was about the same age as your sister as well), but she got violent as well. Her parents went from doctor to doctor and specialist to specialist and everyone said basically the same things that were said to your mum. Teenagers being teenagers, or she needs more discipline etc.. But she was eventually diagnosed with turrets (not sure if I spelled that right) syndrome. It's the one that causes people to have tics. These are usually just small sounds or movements or whatnot, but they can be more obvious and worse and her tic was these yelling violent outbursts. So she couldn't help it. She didn't want to do what she was doing and she would feel horrible about it after and cry and apologise, but it was literally out of her control. I can't remember if they gave her meds or did brain surgery or something, but basically they 'fixed the problem' and she is now a 'normal' teenager living a 'normal' life.

[Ammaki]

I definately agree with mrsmac in that a teachers aid would embarrass her but will most definately look into provate tutoring, even if i have to pay for it.

Thanks tal, if your mum would like to take a look that would be fantastic! My understanding of Turrets (sp?) is that it is involuntary? Where as her outbursts whilst they are more dramatic then she wants them to be, they are directed at certain situations IYKWIM

Thank you all so much for your advice!!

[Dr. Tal]

Amy,
Here is what my mum had to say.

Hey babe,
Don't know if I can help ot not. It sounds like an emotional disorder to me or a conduct disorder. If it is an emotional disorder I would have her tested by a psycologist. A child with an emotional disorder has really no control over their rages and usually apologise and really don't remember what happened. I would recommend the WISC test. I think they are using edition 4 now. Then there are a couple more tests that can be done. I don't know if the schools there have testing done by psychologists for disabilities. We have one on staff and the school pays for it. I don't know if she can go that way or not.
The other problem could be conduct disorder which the child knows right from wrong but chooses to do the wrong thing anyway and then show little or no remorse. There isn't much you can do for conduct disorder becuase the child is making choices knowing the consequences.
Having a psychologist do testing will tell you whether it is a conduct disorder or emotional disorder. This is what we have on our permission to evaluate form that the parent signs giving permission for the testing to take place. It should give some idea of what testing should be done.
Psychological Evaluation is designed to assess personality and/or behavioral functioning. Commonly used evaluation methods include parent and child interviews, personality inventories, behavior rating scales and projective tests.

Let me know if it helps.
Love You MUM

Hope that helps some.

[Ammaki]

Thank you so much tal!! I will now forward that to my mum hehe!! xo

[Ammaki]

Just a quick update for you all

A will be moving up with me & DP this week sometime and starting school next term as QLD schools go on holidays at the end of the week, wish me luck haha

[tashybabe]

Good luck with it

I agree with others - she should be psych tested. It can feel threatening to think there's something "wrong" with you, but it can also be a huge relief to find out what is behind it. It doesn't mean she's not accountable for her behaviour, and tring to improve it, but a label - whether AD/HD, ODD, or whatever - means you know what help to find - behaviour therapists, ADD coaches, medication, etc. It may also help with school if they understand what they're dealing with.

I was recently diagnosed with ADD at 35 - wish I had been 20 years ago, it could have made a real difference to studying etc. Not that I'm a mess or anything - I learnt coping behaviours, but ADD people often develop anxiety and depression because they don't understand why they are they way they are, and why they can't control certain things - you really beat yourself up about things that seem easy to others, but are soo hard.

I've done a quick search for clinical psych's in gold coast:
Psychologist Brisbane - Fiona Millar, Brisbane Clinical Psychologist Gold Coast
Australian Psychological Society : Find a Psychologist

To get the medicare rebate, you need to be referred by a GP. It's usually pretty easy to organise - if you don't find a doctor that can help, keep searching.

[Ammaki]

wow thanks Tashy, once she gets settled in i will definately look into that one!

[diannescruffy]

Wishing you all the very best. Hope everything works out.

Regards,
Dianne

[Jennifer13]

Amy, I think just knowing she has a safety net in you is such a big thing. Well done for trying to make a difference in her life. I have no doubt that your love and care are making an impression on her.

How are your other sisters coping with the situation?

[Ammaki]

Thank you all so much for your well wishes! I know i will be back here asking for more advice no doubt haha. I know im jumping in way over my head and tbh im sick of people giving me 'that look' when i tell them!! Haha. Id much rather have tried and been unsuccessful then never tried at all IYKWIM?

My other two sisters ... hmm well i know the 15YO will be glad to see the back of her and the 10YO will no doubt miss her, but we will visit every chance we get The 15YO and 'A' go to the same school and it was starting to affect her as well with people coming up to her saying stuff about 'A' which is why i think she is glad she's going IYKWIM.

One of my neighbours has a 13YO daughter with her head screwed on so fingers crossed they become friends and she becomes a positive influence on 'A'.

Mum called me last week and said "i heard the suburb you live in is nice..." i said yes it is very nice, great school, lots of parks, lots of sport. "And how far is school from your house" i said about 100m down the road..."are there any shopping centres or anything where she would want to skip school and go to?" .. not really, just a woolies, doctors, chemist, vid store, bakery, butcher..like a food type shopping square? i knew then mum knew it was the right thing to do, i could just hear it in her voice, she just needed to be reassured she wasnt going to a hole with a bad school. Fingers crossed we're doing the right thing!!

[Jennifer13]

Would it be a good idea for your Mum to come down for a few days to help settle her in? It would ease your Mum's mind and also give her a point of reference so that she can continue to build a relationship with your sister. At the very least, I'd try forwarding her an image of your street, details of the school, anything else that's on the web and would put her mind at rest. I know when I left home young it gave my Mum great comfort when I gave her information about where I was living and what went on in the area.

[Ammaki]

Unfortunately its not an option for mum to come up at this stage, she wouldnt be able to get the time off work, but i have forwarded her all information on the school, and was actually planning on taking photos of the house/ 'A's room etc (when i tidied up a bit ) so i hope that helps a bit!

Hopefully time will tell that this is a good move