Hi Kell,
Big hugs, I know how you feel.
DS was a napper during the day too! Before he was 1, I believe even at the age of 9 months, I just put him down for an afternoon nap, instead of 2 naps most babies have at that age (i think).
Even then, he would only sleep for like 30 min-1 hour.
Eventually, as soon as he could walk and climb etc he would sleep better! He is now 18 months and for at least 2 months he sleeps for 2 hours during the day and sleeps through the night.
He is terrible at going to sleep tho. Reckons it is a waste of time!
What helps with him is a very strict routine. But even then
I hear you on being so tired. I pray for you that she will find a good sleep routine. What got me through was taking the day 5 min at the time. Trying not to worry about the next sleep/night.
She might response to your anxiety about that too.
And no one will hate you for giving her an occasional bottle before bed, if that makes her tummy that much fuller.
Good luck!