Hi everybody,
Thank you for your replies - they helped to keep me sane when I was waaaaay at the end of my tether.
I have resolved to try the 15 down/15 up thing especially when I'm getting overwrought. Maybe sometimes I'm getting a bit stubborn too in thinking I MUST get him to sleep.
I think that Marcellus you are on to something re the first tired signs thing not working anymore - but the line between tired and overtired seems to have shrunk also. He seems to go from 0 to OVER IT quite quickly these days. Maybe he is now chronically overtired?
Bedtime is now 7pm and has been for quite some weeks. Our routine is cook dinner 5.30, eat 6pm, bath 6.30, reading 6.45, boobs 6.50, bed 7pm. Once in a blue moon he falls asleep feeding (usually when I do also - we feed lying down) but wakes when I detach him. I thought this was quite a good routine -
DH sometimes makes bathing a bit too much fun, but
DS gets very splasha splasha just on his own
LOL.
During the day I'm not so strict with the routine for naps, it's reading, cuddle and whisper, wrap, tuck, kisses/song, mum leaves, cue screaming! I'm not sure the watching me do things tack would work as he is just "into stuff" but I'm willing to give it a try.
Curly your suggestion of getting out triggered one of the best family days I think we've had. When I look at it, his life is pretty boring. After some advice from the sleep school we did, our life revolves around his naps - we feed after he wakes, and I don't feel there is much time between that and next nap to actually get out and do anything, so we stay home a lot. It actually stresses me out a bit. So I've resolved to get out and about with him more even if I feel a bit worried about it or whatever. On playgroup days he really does sleep well so you're on to something.
If I leave him on his own in the cot (actually sometimes before I even get to the door!) he is standing up. He grizzles for a bit (this is ok) which degenerates into tears and screaming (and then I'm in there straight away for consoling). I don't want to let him cry, and I doubt he would decide to sleep anyway. He just fights it. I've seen him nearly fall asleep with me patting him, and shake himself awake as if to say "cr4p, i was nearly asleep!!!!!".
I have accepted that he's not a good day sleeper - I used to long for the 2x 3 hour naps that the "other mums" seem to get. I console myself with the fact that he's a wonderful, lively, interactive, inquisitive, busy little man, and I love that. Just lately these really short naps don't seem to be working for him as much as me. He is crying on waking (sometimes eyes still shut), eyes puffy, yawning, still making ow noises so clearly still needs sleep. As long as I am not exhausted I can keep that in perspective, it was just a really bad week. I am looking into a nanny half day a week to get some space, I clearly need it (I am also trying to work from home, this doesn't help).
Kelebek thank you for your words, which actually made me teary. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying toddlerhood. Everyone says "it gets harder" so I was starting to figure I just wasn't cut out to be a mum since I'm clearly not coping... I hear myself saying "he's a difficult baby" which sounds like such a cop out when you don't know him the way I do. I'm now holding onto those words and looking forward to the next bit! Toddlerhood!
Sammiejane that's a good back to basics approach. Maybe the room is a bit too light. I might make some darker covers for the windows. And I have had that moment a few times of realising yes this is hard, but wow isn't he small and gorgeous and look how much he needs me. One day he won't as much, every day he is more independent so I try to hang on to that. Thank you for reminding me again though.
I'm interested to know what you guys do to "wind down". I struggle to find activities that he doesn't find stimulating. Sometimes reading doesn't work (tries to snatch/eat the book), or cuddling (bobs for boobs even when not hungry, pulls my hair, snatches glasses etc). He doesn't really feed to sleep reliably either, and it's hard to get him off once asleep - he's quite insistent.
I did stop and take stock of what does work. The pram - not always practical in this crappy weather, but if I walk for long enough can sometimes get 2 cycles, and when we were out on Sunday I mashed him into the sling (feet hanging out the ends
LOL) and he slept for an hour like that (after carrying a 11kg baby around for that long I needed a nap too haha). In both the pram and sling he went to sleep without a fight. So I hired a hammock today. I figured maybe he needs the movement to be soothed. Fingers crossed it works.
At the end of the day I just want him to be rested and well. I can tell he's neither at the moment and it's bad for both of us.
Thank you all for your wonderful replies, I did read them but didnt have the energy to reply properly. You did get me through some horrible horrible days.
All this time also I have had a copy of the no cry nap solution sitting beside the bed, but i've been too exhausted to read it. How ironic is that? So I'm going to make some time with
DH to read it this weekend.
One way or another hopefully things will look up for Mr Moo shortly!!
Thanks again
Tish
xx