**warning some way out spiritual beliefs mentioned and mention of violence against a woman**
I was married at 21 to a man who I thought was perfect for me. Unfortunately he changed. Violent, jealous and controlling, I spent the next 8 years of my life watching him beat our pets with dripper hose, when they stepped out of line (and he would threaten me with it if I tried to intervene). He was abusive, emotionally, financially and physically (although this was in the form of raping me, so there would be no brusies to show). I feared becomming pregnant and was very regimented with contraception. In 1998 my beloved mother died of cancer and at the end of the year my father moved to Victoria. My family was safe and so I fled the state, walking out on all my worldly possessions and started a new life in a new place. Easy it was not and it has taken me years to get over what happened to me. I chose not to let my experience make me bitter, and instead followed a spiritual path, looking for answers.
It was in the new city here I met the man of my dreams - he was everything I had always dreamed about. We were soulmates from the start, we clicked, became good friends, then lovers and in 2002 married. I knew he would be a perfect father - it took him quite a lot longer to realise this and I had to change the way I thought about children (I desperately wanted them since we married). It wasn't until his sister feel pregnant in late 2006 that his mind began to change. He was on medications which resulted in no sperm being produced, so I knew IVF and donor sperm was our only option (now I just had to convince the doctors and
DH).
Late 2007 we saw a FS who performed two surgical sperm collections on
DH (to prove there was no sperm there).. I bluntly informed the FS "I ain't getting any younger here doc, do something" and he did. We went through the counselling process, got registered and in April 2008 started our first cycle of IVF.
I dragged my poor darling husband to Mary Mackillops chapel in sydney - I'm not catholic, and I'm not religious, but very spiritual. It was there that I received a message of strength and I sat crying in the chapel for awhile....I underwent Reiki to make sure my energy levels were right and I receive a lot of spiritual healing during my sessions.
On monday, I'll be 6mths pregnant. I count my blessings every single day. My shoulders are extremely painful and have been so since the first month. I haven't slept through the night or had a day without pain since. I am seeking alternative treatents, but every time my shoulders hurt, I am reminded of the blessing that I have been given and am eternally grateful for IVF to work for us first time. Shoulder pain is a price I am more than willing to pay to be able to have bubs on board.
Namaste