[HellRazeD]

For many years, I have had a ...problem... with IVF. Please read fully before you judge me. It stems from a combination of the fact that my mother and her 6 siblings were all given away and adopted shortly after birth; and that people are waiting until they are 40 and endangering their health, or have had abortions that have made it difficult to conceive. My little catholic church taught me this was sinful, both to abort, and to wait so long. This is what I have grown up believing.

I want to apologize now for the attitude I have had.

I have never shown it here before, but I still harboured it in my heart. I never knew the pain, of waking up with that longing. Or the cost. Or of seeing my friends with babies. It has always come easily and naturally to me. My daughter was a surviving twin, but even then I did not grieve because Her twin never got bigger than a blueberry.

The images that came to ming were of a woman, sinking to her knees at the bathroom bench, with the realization of not being able to conceive, and I felt this overwhelming guilt knowing that while I didn't feel it, someone close to me had.

I am sorry I have been so callous. I am sorry I have been so ignorant, and I am sorry I have something cannot share. I have never felt so blessed to have my children. And I will never look at them the same way again. Thank you for your link.

My grandmother was unable to have children.
My grandparents (mum's adoptive parents) will always be very special to me. My mother had FAS, and patent ductus. But they loved her anyway. They gave her a home, and I truly believe that if my nan had been able to have babies, my mother would have been worse off, for she would not have met her.


PS. Incidentally, if you Google "empty hearts broken hearts", you will also find a story abut a woman and her son Shane. also worth reading.