Well by the time I get there it will be a 14 year journey for me. I started TTC at the age of 28 and will be 42 when our little boy arrives.
My ex and I were married for 3 years before we tried. I thought it would happen within a few months. I learnt about temping, and CM and thought by doing that it would come in time, it didn't. After 2.5 years of no luck I saw a FS. Ex's testing came back on the low end of normal which meant there should be no issues. My testing came back completely normal. Unexplained infertility. That hurt. I wanted to have it explained. They couldn't explain it. I tried Clomid for 3 cycles but I couldn't handle the extreme mood swings it gave me. I got a BFP 3 months after stopping Clomid (3 years after starting TTC) but had spotting from that day onwards. The pregnancy was confirmed by BT but was no longer when the spotting stopped two weeks later. That's all it was - continual spotting but my much wanted baby was no longer. It was hard to believe.
I figured that if I could get pregnant once, it would happen again. It never did again in that marriage - 8.5 years of unprotected sex in total and it never did we get another BFP. We discussed IVF & adoption we decided against both. I tried cutting out caffeine and alcohol, nothing happened. I tried Ruth Sharkey herbs, nothing happened. After 13 years together we went our separate ways. Our infertility put a wedge between us but it was not the cause of our separation.
I had a couple of years of singledom and was always very careful about contraception just in case it was possible for me to conceive.
I met a much younger man and we fell madly in love and moved in together. Soon after we were engaged and he started talking about us having a family. He already had a young daughter and wanted another child. I was hesitant because of what I'd been through but after some thought figured "why not"? We started trying but I put all thoughts of having children out of my head. I really did not think that at my age (40 by then) that I would have much chance at all, considering my history.
Nine months later I realised I was about a week late. I'd always had regular cycles (that's why I was so shocked when I couldn't get pregnant), so I thought something was up. I tested and got a BFP. We were over the moon. I was going to wait a week before getting a BT done. I tested the next day another BFP. Day after BFN. Panic stations. My DF rushed me out to a pharmacy to get one of those digital HPT's - a nice big PREGNANT this time. Next day I had slight spotting. Saw a GP - he sent me to the local hospital due to my history and due to my age. He was asian and said that this is what we call a "precious baby" due to those factors. My BT at the hospital came in at 3 - anything over 5 would've been positive. I was told I'd either been pregnant and was miscarrying or it's just too early to tell. You can't get 3 different brands of HPT all be wrong (I had a gyno confirm this some time later). My next BT was 3 days later and it was zero. My m/c was only very light bleeding, no pain, but yet another baby was gone.
I found Belly Belly the day I started to spot and it was my saviour. I don't know how I'd have got through without the support of all the lovely ladies here. I started temping and found that I had a short LP - 10 to 11 days...not good. I noticed I was very rarely getting fertile CM.... not good.
I saw a GP who did a little testing - she said my hormones were all over the place. I had a scan done to check for PCOS - didn't appear to have it but they thought I had a fibroid. Referred to a gyno. He decided I needed a lap & at the same time I should get the fibroid resected. He felt the fibroid had caused the m/c. I was put on a waiting list..... and the shocker...... I was told my only hope was to have IVF - it was too late for me to do things naturally. I was in complete shock. I had not expected that.
Four cycles after my m/c I tested positive again. I had been using evening primrose oil for the first time during that cycle to help with fertile type CM - it had worked!!!! I had a BT done and the doctor congratulated me when the results came in. My face fell when I saw the result. The HCG was only 21 and it should've been higher... the doctor didn't even realise this.... I knew this from BB, it was early but it should have been at least 100. I asked for another test and had it done 3 days later. It had dropped to 17. By then I was spotting so I knew what was going to happen. Same as last time, spotting followed by light bleeding, no pain for 3 days....less than a period. How can that be a miscarriage? It was. A week later I was back to zero again. My gyno said there was nothing to do but wait for the lap. It was the fibroid causing the m/c's. That was that.
My DF and I didn't handle this m/c well. We didn't lean on each other and things went very bad very quickly. We split briefly. I thought my TTC days were well and truly over. I swapped my family sized car for a little one as I had no need for anything bigger than me and my little doggy. We got back together and I fell pregnant immediately. Yep immediately. At the time I was very stressed at work, and of course at home (was this going to work out) and I was drinking bucketloads of coffee. I thought there's no way this one will stick, I've been too stressed and I've had too much caffeine.... but stick it did. I knew I was going to fall pregnant this cycle. It will sound weird but I just knew. The day we
DTD I saw fertile CM that I very rarely got - just one little bit and then I O'd the next day (I hadn't got out of the habit of temping yet). I had a temp dip at 6&7DPO and I'd had a 3 day dip in my last pregnancy cycle so I just knew what was coming... I couldn't believe it. I also had bleeding gums and a stuffy nose - another sign for me - from when I had the dip.
I tested positive at 12DPO day 24 of my cycle. BT confirmed it with a nice number in the 100's - it was higher than the doc expected and he said.... could be twins. I had a couple of drops of brown blood a week later and panicked. Put on bed rest for a couple of days. All OK. Again about a week later - a couple of spots.... put on bed rest for a week this time. Was sent for a scan but the sonographer would tell me nothing. Back to the GP for the results a whole 24 hours later and a live bub was seen in the scan. Yay!!!! No mention of fibroid at all.
Being 41 by this time I had to have the NT scan - the risk at my age for downs is 1/45. The measurement came in at 4.2. My risk increased to 1/37. Four very long weeks later I had the amnio done. 24 hours later I had the FISH results. No abnormalities detected.... and it's a boy. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I had to wait another two long weeks for the karyotyping tests to come in for all the other more rare genetic things but all came back as no abnormality detected. Huge sigh of relief.
I'm exactly 20 weeks today - the halfway mark. It's been pretty stressful at times but I've felt really well throughout and love every ache and pain I get, it's just a sign that he's growing nicely in there. It's just amazing to think that all going well in 20 more weeks I will have my baby boy safely in my arms. I can't wait for my next scan in two weeks to see him again.
I hope I can provide some inspiration to someone out there who is feeling the despair of LTTTC. Whatever you do don't ever give up.